BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Can We Be Robots?

I would ask what emotions are obstructing them in order to find a way around them. Sometimes, we don't need to remove the obstruction. We simply need to find a different way of going around it.

What happened with me? I found my wings when I looked at the bigger picture. I opened up to possibility and found the answer. It would never have come if I hadn't been thinking, "outside the box".

If you feel comfortable, I invite you to share what is obstructing you. Perhaps we can see things from a different perspective together.

What exactly does it mean to be successful first? Define success. What needs to happen before you feel your message is valuable enough?

You and das have things to share that will benefit other people if you choose to share with them. Those who are looking for the answers you could help them find might feel they'd rather get their help NOW and not later.

Holly, regarding Coaching: Is it YOUR dream to be a coach?

If you have any questions about coaching, I'd be happy to answer them. Holly, one thing I have observed by how you've shared yourself here is that you already have the signs of a fine coach. You're sensitive, you listen and you encourage

... So Holly, you talked about a time frame. That's an excellent idea. When were you thinking?

I would say the obstruction is fear. I get very insecure when i start using my talents. I'm afraid of being noticed, of people around me then having heated emotions, of losing relationships, and of coming under severe attack and accusation.

If the fears were only while awake, i think i would feel more confident that i can progress through my fears by taking little steps. But unfortunately, whenever i take a step forward, the nightmares get worse. They can get worse well beyond the point where they are just unpleasant. They start to erode my ability to function by day, and then the whole thing comes down. It's like trying to build a brick building without mortar.

Like now. I think, because i am writing, and because i am learning so much from you and cd and others on the board and a friend of mine elsewhere, i am growing. I am moving, a little bit, out of my comfort zone. yesterday i started doing some preliminary for making art for a gallery. I've also made the decision to go back to school. But that has made my nightmares and sleep very disrupted. I probably have been averaging 4 1/2 hours a sleep at night for the last weeks. It gets harder to think clearly, and harder to be responsible towards myself. I've been doing stupid things... like procrastinating ordering checks when i ran out, so i will not have them when bills are due. The focusing affects my making the right decisions about my present priorities and I get more avoidance behavior of things that raise my anxiety. It is very stupid, but those are the kind of things that happen, each time i start to move forward and the sleep gets worse.

[quote=Tami S]
Could you tell me more about your coaching education, most particularly how quickly you could enroll and how quickly you were able to begin coaching? Is it expensive?

I would say the obstruction is fear. I get very insecure when i start using my talents. I'm afraid of being noticed, of people around me then having heated emotions, of losing relationships, and of coming under severe attack and accusation.

I hear you. Is what you have to gain worth more than what you have to lose?

If the fears were only while awake, i think i would feel more confident that i can progress through my fears by taking little steps. But unfortunately, whenever i take a step forward, the nightmares get worse. They can get worse well beyond the point where they are just unpleasant. They start to erode my ability to function by day, and then the whole thing comes down. It's like trying to build a brick building without mortar.

Does your ability to sleep without nightmares depend on the time of day or night you are sleeping? For example, what happens when you nap during the day to make up for lost sleep at night?

Besides lack of sleep, what other power do these nightmares have over you?

Like now. I think, because i am writing, and because i am learning so much from you and cd and others on the board and a friend of mine elsewhere, i am growing. (That's so exciting, Holly!)

I am moving, a little bit, out of my comfort zone. yesterday i started doing some preliminary for making art for a gallery. I've also made the decision to go back to school. But that has made my nightmares and sleep very disrupted. I probably have been averaging 4 1/2 hours a sleep at night for the last weeks. It gets harder to think clearly, and harder to be responsible towards myself. I've been doing stupid things... like procrastinating ordering checks when i ran out, so i will not have them when bills are due. The focusing affects my making the right decisions about my present priorities and I get more avoidance behavior of things that raise my anxiety. It is very stupid, but those are the kind of things that happen, each time i start to move forward and the sleep gets worse.

So you've noticed a specific pattern when you begin to move forward. Have you noticed anything that trips up that pattern?

Those are two different questions, with two different answers. To address the second question, "successful enough" in the context of where i would like to be before i begin coaching, is
i would like to (myself) be better at what i think of as basic functioning skills in my community.

I didn't get my driver's license until i was 40. There is a long, complicated history behind that, but i worked through it and i got my license, and i was so proud. I didn't have a car though. A few years later, i got a wonderful dream job for which i needed a car. So i bought one and began commuting. It was scary, but i did it. But i was only on the job a month... their budget was messed up and they let me go and did not refill the position for a year (instead only contracting out by the hour absolute essential jobs)... even though the job i had was an essential position. So then i had car payments and no job. And i should have looked for work right away... i did actually, but half-heartedly. I was kind of messed up about applying for jobs, felt i was not "good enough." Still have a self esteem problem. So i teach... because then i work for myself and don't apply, and can't be fired or let down like that. But that's really not enough, and i feel i should work through my fear, and a few other avoidance behaviors, before i coach. I should be more financially stable too, i think, and i also have a buggaboo about phones (goes back to the stalking).

So i guess, that, essentially, makes up some of my present goals:

-get more comfortable driving
-be confident enough that applying for work is not a problem
-get comfortable receiving phone calls and phone messages again promptly
-get more financially stable, and where savings/investments are growing
-throw out any other odd avoidance behavior

Which of these goals is tied into your nightmare related fear and which ones are not?



That is a very convincing argument and it has stuck in my head. Helping others is a big motivator for me. I am very fortunate in having many "show through talents." Often the dilemma for me, has been in picking which direction to follow!

If you could only pick ONE thing, which one would have the most positive or powerful impact in your life?

I have been thinking very seriously though, of returning to school, and in preparing for a future of coaching, writing, and lecturing.

I explore you to decide what you really want it to look like first before you determine the "how of doing it? Therefore, if you could fast forward in the future to after you've done whatever education you need, what would your life look like then?

I have received coaching myself... opted to try it after experimenting with therapy. My personal coaching experience happened to have been with someone who was also a trained therapist, and he had a practice before he decided to switch to coaching, so he could help people with forward thinking. He was with a very large, very well known organization with an excellent reputation. My experience with receiving coaching was interesting and difficult. My coach had some serious issues himself, and got too personally attached in me. He kept pulling my attention away from the three goals i'd set to work on in coaching and gave me additional problems, which i felt left me less stable. When i was in therapy, i set four goals. In 10 weeks i accomplished 3 and partially accomplished the 4th before ending therapy, with my therapist's blessing. In contrast, in coaching i set 3 goals and in a year accomplished none of them, not even a good start. His behavior at times teetered on the unethical. I would call him on it, so we actually did a lot of arguing! I eventually won, but it felt like a not-good marriage. hahaha I learned a lot from the experience... mostly in the form of "what not to do" and "what not to accept from others" and even made mental notes of, "how NOT to coach." But coaching itself, i still think is an absolutely GREAT idea!!! If i had any money, i'd find another coach this very second and sign up!!!

Yikes, what an experience! Hold on to those mental notes on how not to coach, Holly! None of us likes to be told what to do! I'm amazed you stuck with it as long as you did. From what you've told me, it doesn't sound like you experienced client directed coaching as I explained it to you earlier. The kind of coaching I explained is part of the coaching qualities required to be a member of the largest governing coaching organization, The International Coaching Federation.

I am interested in coaching others. I think it would be enjoyable. It's incredibly fulfilling when you truly desire to empower people to live wonderful lives. It's a little scary to have that responsibility, but i think i could really help people. I understand what you mean, but it's actually more about shifting the responsibility to the client so they eventually take the responsibility themselves to create their ideal life. I think i would like to get a masters in psychology, but i would like to know more, Tami, about your coaching school. Perhaps that would be the shortest route to getting into practice and then i could work on psychology degrees additionally. [b]This is why I went the route I did. I actually was looking at getting my Master's in Counselling. I have a Bachelor's degree which would have counted towards the program I was looking into. I discovered coaching when I was trying to find programs I could take online. I realized it was the quickest route to making a difference in people's lives NOW! It seems so much more powerful than counselling that I now only want to pursue classes centered around coaching. I want to do more around psychology too, but I see no need to spend years in school when I can accomplish it more quickly through shorter coaching psychology classes.

Within a very short time in the program, you could start taking clients, make an income and still pursue your education.