BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage What is happening??

Hello all!! I need to know what you think.My husband and I have been married thirteen years and have three children.And for the past 3 or 4 years it feels like something is wrong.He goes from wanting sex constantly to not wanting to at all.He goes through periods oof being very quiet like not speaking to me at all,to blowing up,to being happy as a lark.He will stay away from me and the kids as much as he can.Whether its out in the yard doing what ever to staying in our bedroom to watch t.v..While he is a very active man a.k.a. can't sit still spending alot of time outside thats not unusual.But the time away from me and the kids is not like him.He seems angry all the time.He says its not all about me and that he's very tired all the time.And He still loves me and wants us to stay together.He refuse's to go to a counselor about our marriage and refuses to get a physical in case there's something medical going on.Do ya'll have any insight on this subject?I don't know if this is just something all men go to and its just something I better get use to,maybe, a new normal????

Is there something going on at work or his personal life away from home (meaning friends, parents, other family, ect)?

He just opened a homebased flooring installation business about a year ago and he just got rid of a store that he has worked at for more than ten years because he got sick of them paying what ever they wanted.And that store was like his fall back(we would never had to worry about work coming because he had them to fall back on).He said he likes the fact he works for himself but its very hard on his nerves and mine too for that matter.We are doing it together.And we have inlaws that will NEVER help with the kids.So its me and the kids all day everyday and then he comes home and goes straight to the bedroom to watch t.v.Which I am use to it being me and the kids alot of the time,because he's a workaholic.He could work from sun up to sun down and won't see them in daylight for days at a time.But at least then when he did finally get caught up he was all ours.Now its not even close.

It sounds as if your husband is suffering from depression. His mood swings are a sign and he may need to go to a doctor.The depression may be due to the new business. That can take a toll.

Also, he is feeling the burden of having to provide for his family and is probably afraid of being unable to do so.

I agree with Kristen. It does sound like a load of stress and very likely depression. These things can really sap a person of their ability to maintain a healthy and happy life.

Thanks girls!That maybe feel a little better,but I know he won't go to a dr. I wish there was something more I could do.We have almost seperated because of this.I have suggested several times to go on some sort of vacation twice /yr We haven't had a vacation in ten years.Its him working 15 hrs/day everyday sometimes 7days/wk.Almost always 6/wk.And me with the kids the entire time.And I mean the entire time.No breaks even to bathe.So we have NOT even been alone for ten years.And even though we love our children we could stand a date night once a month.But we bought a new mattress yesterday.And slept on it last night,that seem to help clear his head a little bit.And we have been talking about getting a lakehouse or cabin and try going there a few times a month.So he is trying.

It's time for a break. Have you tried asking him out for a "date"?

YES!!!!! Tons of times actually,but just recently we decided about the getting away even if we don't have a sitter for the kids.We will bring them along and in a few years our dd will be old enough to babysit.Maybe not over nite but so we can go out to an adult restaurant 10 mins from home.Thats one reason we stopped having kids.Because we are tired.LOL

Getting away, if only for a short while, is crucial to a marriage. Being parents and being so involved with parenting makes us place the fact that we are lovers on the back burner, so to speak.

A little husband/wife time is needed.

How old is your oldest, HomeschoolMom?

And again, I agree with Kristen. We can't be good parents unless we are people first. I have also found that my marriage is at the heart of our family, it's necessary for it to be strong.