BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image Body image after babies and men?

Great confindence Suthernbelle!! I like your attitude.

Southernebelle, how does one feel completely happy with ones body whilst wishing they had their pre baby body back (and of course non of us would give up our kids for a mil ) but to me these two things are incompatible...I believe that the only reason I would desire my pre baby body is to fit in with the brainwashing, socialisation that goes on around us...after all, that is the only eason I believe a body without stretch marks or a mommy tummy to be better in some way and therefore desire it back...In many cultures the body of a mothe would be considered the ultimate in beuty and a 'flawless model type that is promoted in ur culture would be considered sickly and underweight, lacking in character and life experience...

I do agree its about acceptance of ourselves regardless of what men , mags and society tells us...but its hard when even other women hold the pre baby body as the ideal...how to men ever start to fight the socialisation and find the bodies of their wives /mother to their children to be the most beauitiful rather than a 20yr old blonde bimbo when even we accept the brainwashing that these bodies are somehow more attractive than our after baby bods??

I feel the same pain. I have always had a terrible body image and having a child didn't do anything to fix it. I never got stretch marks but my stomache never went back to the beautiful washboard it was before pregnancy. It's dimpled and the skin is like a deflated water ballon. It sucks and I agree it is quite ironic.

If you are really obsessed with getting your pre-baby figure back, it can be done. I have had 4 children, and, am 58 years old - I don't have any desire to be the person I was or have the body that I had when I was young - I do take good care of myself, however, and make sure that I get some exercise, eat the right things, and I always take care not to "let myself go". That means wearing something other than sweats and flannels, and putting make up on every day. I remarried at 54 yrs of age, and my husband is constantly telling me how great I look. I am not bragging, mind you, but I agree with Suthernbell, it really is more about how you perceive yourself - when pushed into a corner, any man will say that he prefers the body of a 20 yr old to someone older, but few of them actually seek those women out. Instead of obsessing about how you don't look why don't you try working on the very positive things about yourself. I am an Image Consultant, and I urge you to take a new look at yourself, and find the beauty within. There are people out there who can teach you how the inner beauty can be outwardly manifested!

Hi Candi2, Sorry but what your saying is not always true unless you are prepared to have surgery (which I am not)...My doctor advises that my streched skin and braest sag absolutely cannot be fixed short of surgery...in other words the fibres of the skin have been danaged so badly (Im only 5 foot) that NO amount of excercise in the world will repair them, nor creams etc...the only answer is to have the skin cut away which would be a huge operation. Ive had three opinions and they have all said the same thing and that this is very common in women who have had babies...
I havenet let myself go, nor do I wear sweat pants...I simply have experienced the irreparable changes that occur after babies that many (not all women do)..
I agree that working on oneself is the answer mentally....but its difficult in a world where its seems the media and many others claim that we should simply look after ourselves and then we will look the same as pre baby ...when for MANY of us this simply is not true and many of the changes are out of our control...(Can Ijust add that my weight gain during my 4 pregnancies was normal and healthy, my Dr says this can be a problem particularly for shorter women who have less torso room for the baby to grow so it pushes out)

Biscuitgirl - I quite agree with you on the unrealistic media, and worldwide (especially in the USA) focus on young, taut, hardbodies. Unfortunately, that will probaly never change...it is ridiculous for 90% of adult women to think that we should look like that. I am so sorry that your reality is so difficult for you. I really hope, though, that you will continue to do as you are doing, and take good care of yourself, including if possible maybe dance classes, or yoga, pilates, or some form of enjoyable activity that will put you in touch with your body. It is amazing how good it feels just to know that you are working your muscles, and by doing it in a way that is fun, you will also feel energized, and perhaps, even be pleasantly surprised by how your body responds. I also hope that if you are truly distressed by this, that you will seek help with maybe a counselor - i know from very personal experience how depression can make even easy tasks seem too difficult to attempt, and the whole world can seem to be untouchable, and happiness unattainable. Just remember that the world view is also causing our beautiful young girls and women to feel that they have to be perfect as well - which results in all sorts of problems. Look at how the celebrities have kind of morphed into each other - they all look frighteningly alike! Maybe they all have the same plastic surgeon!! How sad that even these young natural beauties wind up with botox, silicone, and emplants of all types in an effort to appease the very same appetites that you refer to. Please don't allow that very narrow unforgiving perspective distort your own self image.