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#314082 05/16/07 04:30 PM
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This is on the same site as the Rachel Ray blurb. Very interesting.

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Save your own life - don't have kids!
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I really admire these famous women who are willing go out on a limb and speak their minds.

The people who I think are really rude are the "journalists" who think it's acceptable to ask such inappropriate, personal questions in the first place.

And all the people who say that we are missing out on so much because we don't have children?? I don't think so. They are the ones who are missing out. There is so much more to life and this world than their narrow point of view.


"The myth that motherhood is the ultimate fulfillment for a female is the last great sacred cow, and it's time to whack it on the barbeque." Kathy Lette
Esley #314095 05/16/07 05:38 PM
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Originally Posted By: Esley


And all the people who say that we are missing out on so much because we don't have children?? I don't think so. They are the ones who are missing out. There is so much more to life and this world than their narrow point of view.


Hi All:

I find this forum interesting because in the pediatric world I see so many people who have kids who perhaps should have thought twice about it. And, many who have kids due to some sense of obligation or pressure then wonder why it is so hard. But, at the same time, there are many, many who wish desperately to have kids and can't. I suspect Sheryl Crow may have been in that group. Such a complicated biological clock - isn't it??

The point of my post for singling out this quote is just to point out that while I respect all of you for your decision to not have kids please don't be negative on those that do have kids. That is equally narrow minded. In fact, just as you feel your life is fulfilled and free by not having kids that's how most people feel by having kids if that is what they opt to do. It's a choice and there is freedom from that choice.

Thanks for hearing my perspective. My 2cents - you don't owe any one an explanation for not having kids just as I don't owe any one an explanation for why we "just" have 2 kids.


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DrGwenn,
I'm not sure if you read that blog about Helen Mirren and the comments on it, but I think that is what Esley was responding to. If you were in our shoes you might find those comments offensive too. Actually, every woman should find them offensive, considering how far we have come to even have this choice. We know very well that (most) parents find their choice to have children fulfilling and uber-important, surpassing all else in their lives. It's pounded into us all the time!

But then why do some parents feel the need to put down people who are not parents?

Specifically, I'm talking about these kinds of comments in response to the Mirren blog:

"While I appreciate her honesty I can't help but feel that she has missed out on the most amazing experience a woman can have, being a mom.

There is no love like the love you feel for your child and although I admit I could have been a happy person and have a wonderful, rich life without my children I would not have known the true depths of love I could feel.

It's kind of like watching a movie without sound and not knowing that sound exists. You can still enjoy the movie and the story and leave happy but WOW when viewed with sound it adds a whole knew dimension."


or this one:

�To tell you the truth, I feel sorry for her. She's missed out on a lot, yet she has no idea how much. There is nothing as amazing as having your own child. Nothing can top that. And I think it IS selfish to not have children. Everyone I know who doesn't want kids always cites needing to retain "their freedom". Sounds selfish to me.�

How about this comment:

"I think that she is going to one VERY VERY lonely old lady...."

Why do people feel the need to spew this negative BS? What a selfish reason to have kids anyway.

I think Esley's comment, when viewed in that context of what we were reading, was not that insulting to parents. Those commenters really do not know what they're missing. And most of us non-parents would readily admit we don't know exactly what it's like to have a child, and possibly are missing out. Duh! But it's not fair to our potential prodigy to risk signing on for a 20 year commitment we don't really want to do, just because someone else says how great it is.

That is just a small sampling of the insults and pity we hear every day for a choice we made after careful consideration, often due to the realization that the reasons we were even thinking about having children were mostly selfish, or due to peer pressure.

You�ll have to forgive us if we feel the need to come to this forum and speak our minds with people who aren�t so blinded by their own lives that they think nothing else exists.

There are plenty of places where parents can go for camaraderie and discussions about parenting�but this is not one of them. I have nothing against (most) parents, I just am tired of being judged and put down for making a thoughtful choice about my life.

Last edited by frieda7; 05/16/07 07:14 PM.
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Hear, Hear! Well said, Frieda!!

It seems fairly obvious that she did not take the time to read the article or it's comments.

The fact that she felt the need to comment on a NO KIDS board at all is telling.



"The myth that motherhood is the ultimate fulfillment for a female is the last great sacred cow, and it's time to whack it on the barbeque." Kathy Lette
Esley #314185 05/17/07 01:16 AM
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Thank you frieda, excellent post. Yes, we don't necessarily have anything against parents, just don't have a desire to become one. There's a difference. I have no desire to become a circus acrobat either, but I do appreciate their work. smile


"I may not agree with what's on your bumper sticker, but I will fight to the end for your right to stick it." --Unknown
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Not as positive as the Rachel Ray blog comments. Notice how the first commenter insinuated that she is extremely selfish. Misery loves company I guess...and they feel the need to throw stones at people who haven't made the same blind mistakes they have!

I'm sick of the "selfish" comment. My husband and I are some of the most generous, helpful, selfless, thoughtful people I know....not to sound boastful...but I'm sick of the inaccurate "selfish" label! mad

#314340 05/17/07 12:50 PM
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pmo...I am also sick of the "selfish" label. I find it interesting that you don't see those parents who throw that selfish label around calling Oprah selfish for not having kids. Because it would be soooo hard to call Oprah selfish after all the good things she has done for people.

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Now I know what's missing from my life! I should be a circus acrobat! LOL!!! It would never be boring, that's for sure! LOL!

Cindy

Originally Posted By: emeraldwednesday
Thank you frieda, excellent post. Yes, we don't necessarily have anything against parents, just don't have a desire to become one. There's a difference. I have no desire to become a circus acrobat either, but I do appreciate their work. smile

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I wonder how many of those who call us selfish, when asked why they had children (can you imagine anyone even would ask someone THAT question?), gave their reason for having children "to raise them to help improve the world"? No, I would imagine most people who have children do so simply because they want them! (Or their birth control failed, or they didn't use any BC, and didn't want to consider alternative options to keeping the baby.) They want to enjoy their children in their OWN lives. And they call *US* selfish???

The world would be a better place if everyone just minded their own business and respected other peoples' decisions.

Cindy

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