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I feel your daughter is too young to be involved in your life lessons. She doesn't need to learn how to deal with a grown up who is picking on her day in and day out, or the weekends; then accept it because he takes her shopping. And I'll take it a step further, if her dad is a great dad, she may very well think that's the place she wants to be. Take a good hard look at it!

You know? I have to agree with iwonder. Your child is too young '"to see that things can be worked through..."'
She's a child for heaven's sake! All she is seeing is a man's cruelty to her mother and to her. Words cut deeply too.

You work through job losses, you work through mortgage payments, you work through problems at school; you can't work through cruelty.

For the sake of your daughter, leave him. Or, as iwonder says so eloquently, your little girl may decide very soon that she wants to be with her Dad.

Hello,
I had to read your post again. But you did say that your husband constantly picks on your 7 yr. old little girl. She is 7 yrs. old & if you stand by & allow this type of abuse to go on you are going along with it & putting a stamp of approval on it. I had this type of abuse growing up & it does not stop with cruel words most of the time.

I agree with all of the good suggestions people posted to you. All you do is make excuses for him. He is not a wonderful father to say mean things to your 7 yr. old. Also you said he ignores you & it has to be his way. It will continue to be 1 sided as long as you put up with this terrible behavior & allow it. You may love him with all your heart but he does not even respect you or show love to your daughter. It is not up to a 7 yr. old to find her palce with him & work it out. She is a child. Then you get angry with people who posted because it is not what you want to hear. No, we don't know all of your history & the whole story. All we can do is go by what you posted.

How is he so wonderful if he talks to a little girl like that, ignores you & does not care if you leave or not?? I would say protect your daughter 1st & her well being. If that means separating to do it, then you may have to. I had to do that yrs. ago with hardly any $. I really had no family to go to & I still did it. He does not sound like the type of man wo will go for counseling. You can go but you should not put up with him verbally abusing your daughter at all. No one wants a marriage to end. But there are some situations that people need to separate or divorce.

Guilt will hold you back from taking action & making the best decisions. I would not want to be with anyone who was mean & I would not want to live in fear. If you are so afraid just imagine how your 7 yr. old feels. He is the adult & it is not up to your daughter to smooth things over & find her place with him. But you can do what you want. Noone wants to hurt your feelings. I'm sure your don't want to hear some of these things but people are being honest with you & giving you some good suggestions. Also their own experiences & wisdom from their lives. I hope & pray that you put your daughter 1st & protect her. Thanks for reading this. Judy from Chicago.

Well put, Judy!

Children do not need this fear in their lives and you, SadandScared, are sadly mistaken if you think your child is not afraid.

Suzanne Somers said in an interview that her father's moods ruled her life and her mother's. She feared his cruel words and she grew up with no self esteem. She also, for a very long time, had no respect for her mother who allowed her children to be put through their father's rants and raves.

Thank you kristen. It bothers me alot to know that some children can't feel safe & loved at home. There are so many everyday problems that kids have to face at school etc. Then to get picked on at home & verbally abused is not right.
I would hear this kind of thing go on at some meetings I used to go to, about the lack of respect for the mother's who put up with this kind of behavior. Suzanne Somers is 100% right about what she said.
Also when people make excuses & try to minimize things it can be that they are in denial about it. Sometimes people need to hear the truth even though they don't want too. The adult has the choice & power while the child can't do anything about it. This child just can't get up & leave. I'm all for love but I don't understand when some women will say I love him so much & he is so wonderful but he is doing this......People have to have self love. Also a child's well being & safety should always comes 1st.

AS my counselor so eloquently put it, "you don't say mean things to people that you love." Therefore, if he loved you, he would not say those things to you. And if he loved your daughter he would not say mean things to her. Cruel jokes are a form of verbal abuse. Watching your mother treated badly is a form of abuse.

Think of it this way: your husband is in reality one - this is "I win and you lose, or you win and I lose" mentality. You are in reality two - this is "we will work together to make it work" mentality. The two cannot understand each other, or co-exist. Either you join him and join the fight in reality one, or you leave and find someone who exists with you in reality two.

Dez

So well put Dez!!

SadandScared, your husband doesn't know the definition of the word LOVE.There cannot be love where there is cruelty.

I urge you for the sake of your daughter, please get out of this abusive relationship!