BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage fight

Hi,
I was reading the forums on fighting fair and ironically my hubby and I just had a fight over the phone. When he didn't get his way, he actually hung up on me. Am I overreacting in feeling this is childish behavior and it really bothers me that he did this. My husband of course always feels he's right and when I called him back to tell him I didn't appreciate being hung up on, he said I deserved it. I don't think anyone, especially a spouse, should be hung up on. Any comments?

I can definitely see how this would be frustrating.

To me this is like leaving the room and slamming the door behind you. Sometimes it needs to be done to prevent boiling over and saying/doing something worse. Some people just need a cooling off point before they can go forward.

It was obviously a hot topic so maybe setting up an appointment to discuss such-and-such would prepare each party in advance so they could go in with a cool head.

Maybe you can develop a joint strategy where the other says "I need to cool off" or "we need to set up a time to talk about this" or some other key phrase so the other one knows this is a hot topic. Something to avoid phone hang ups or walking away...

Slamming phones and doors is a defense mechanism for people who feel overwhelmed by the discussion or haven't had adequate time to think about their feelings on it. They become overwhelmed and react. Some people just need space and introspection before they can continue in a civilized conversation.

Sorry, this probably isn't what you wanted to hear but this is what came to mind when I read your post.

Aren't relationships fun!?

Once, when we were having a "phone-fight" my husband said to me,
"I can't continue this on the phone. I'm going to hang up now so we don't say anything we can't take back, okay?"

That was okay because I knew we were going to explode.

I do agree with Moe. Hanging up is a defense mechanism for overwhelmed people.

I like what Kristen's husband did. Ending the conversation before it gets out of control is fabulous. It works well, even in person.

But hanging up is a little immature. Definitely, he was emotionally overwrought and operating soley on his impulses! He was probably hurt, too. I know: I hung up on my sister a month ago, and I've felt so childish, immature, and just plain bad ever since.

But, we're human. We do silly immature things - especially to those we love.

Yes. Being human we do silly things.

Hi everyone,
Thanks for the wonderful advice. Next time I'm going to try this, b/c we all know there will be a next time, We worked thru things last night, so we'll see how it goes.

I would have to agree. Although it is not nice to hang up on your spouse or leave the room while they are talking. Sometimes it is for the best so things aren't said that aren't really meant, they would just get said out of anger.
I have found that it is better for me to do this during an argument because if I don't I say terrible, hurtful things that I do not mean at all. Sometimes angry gets the best of a person