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Gecko
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I think it can be a good idea for one person to work for wages, and the other take care of the home and what not, but the person working for wages has to be making some pretty good cash in order for that to happen.

You know, my husband and I make alright money right now, decently more than minimum wage, but still not enough for only one of us to be working full time and the other not working. That's why in our marriage, we both work full time and we equally share the house work and other tasks and activities. I will be going back to school next year though, and at that point he will be working full time and I will only work a day or 2 on the weekend if neccesary, until I am out of school and working again, and then when we have children we plan on me being home with the kids for the first 5 years or so (assuming we can afford it financially). And then after those 5 years, I will most likely go back to work part time.

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Parakeet
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Whatever works for a marriage is great and all marriages are different.

B-u-t........both partners must be in absolute agreement on this.

There will always be times when one spouse needs to not work for one reason or another and the other spouse pulls more. It happened in my marriage; my husband left the corporate world and went back for his teaching certification.

However, I don't think I could be in a marriage where we both didn't work. Two salaries are almost a must today.

Last edited by kristen houghton; 04/23/07 06:06 PM.

"Allow your dreams to become your plans."

Kristen

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Gecko
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Gecko
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Originally Posted By: /
one person working for wages, and it doesn't matter what gender that person is


I think, It isn't so easy for men to stay at home and his wife bring money.
Your society could accept such attitude? I guess most of the wives dislike seeing their husband at home even if he has done all the housework, a stereotype nice husband is who work outside and help his wife at house.
Who has more power at home? I guess who bring money and pay the bills. I guess men love to be effective at house, hence not be as a useless household, when he became unemployed, it�s a possibility to shows unpleasant behavior.

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Shark
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Kristen,

As a woman who has never held a conventional job and chose to stay home, I could paint a lovely picture of domestic life.

But I won't because it's about choice, preference, situations and the area one lives in. It is not an easy choice either.




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Parakeet
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Originally Posted By: babak
I think, It isn't so easy for men to stay at home and his wife bring money.
Your society could accept such attitude?


What I find is that in the US, people assume that the man is the primary or equal breadwinner if he is doing anything. For several years, I supported the family and did most of the childcare (his kids, not mine) while he worked in his business that at best broke even. Everyone assumed that he was making all the money and I worked because I wanted to (or that I didn't work!) When he moved his business into our home, and also was (supposively) working on the house we'd moved out of so we could make money renting it, people assumed that he was partially retired.

Julie

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Gecko
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Julie
Seems in your society men has better situation than I expected.
As I see you suffered bad situation for a while, maybe if kids were belong to you two, it was more bearable for you.

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Parakeet
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It amazes me that "old-fashioned" ideas still prevail about men making the money and being in positions of authority.

Here's an interesting thing that happened to me. At my school I have a male assistant. I have my doctorate in linguistics. A salesperson came to the college looking for me but didn't know the one with the doctorate was a woman. She saw my assistant and me at the door to the office and assumed he was "Doctor Houghton!" She asked me if I was his secretary!

Last edited by kristen houghton; 04/25/07 06:42 AM.

"Allow your dreams to become your plans."

Kristen

Kristen Houghton
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This guy doesn't have any interest in working except for sporadically when he wants to buy something? Wow, that's a new one on me. I am guessing he is interested in keeping a roof over his head? Because that's why most people work; to keep food on the table, a roof over our heads, and a decent quality of life. This isn't about a man/woman electing to stay home, it's about one person carrying all the burden of working, organising the home and finances, and taking care of childcare arrangements. The other person in this equation is opting out of all areas of responsibility.
I agree that both people have to agree if one person is to exit the workforce completely, for whatever reason. This woman is doing all of the work, and isn't being listened to by her partner. She should think about separation; god knows she wouldn't be financially worse off anyway.

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jmb Offline
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One partner working, and the other one not working is a very hard situation. My first husband and I were in that situation. He lost his job due to the recession, and was unemployed for 2 years. We barely made it through on what I was making. Boy was it frustrating to come home at the end of the day, and find out that he had not sent out even ONE resume, but had spent the day playing video games! He wouldn't even APPLY for a "junk job" to bring in some cash because then he would be too tired to apply for a "real job"... as if playing video games was a better option??

Anyways, it took me a long time, but I finally realized that his lack of ambition/drive was present in every aspect of our lives, and I decided to end the relationship.
If I had to do it over again... not sure if I'd do it exactly the same way... I might take a chance and tell him to get off his butt and make some $$... maybe the marriage would have ended sooner.

Obviously, the situation is totally different if the couple agreed that the husband should stay home and look after the kids (or return to school)... but a hubby that is just lazes around all day is NOT equitable, unless he is independently wealthy. Marriages are supposed to be partnerships. Wives are supposed to be helpmates/lifemates NOT surrogate moms.

Last edited by jmb; 04/30/07 11:03 AM.
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I don't see a problem with it IF he is doing things around the house like cleaning, cooking, taking care of the yard, etc. If his fair share, I would be ok with it.


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