BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage when the wife works and the husband doesn't...

Recently I was asked what I thought about a marriage where the wife worked but the husband simply had no interest in a job outside of part-time or sporadic work.

Please note the husband is not a stay-at-home dad.

Believe it or not this is a modern problem with more women than ever being the sole support of the household.

I would be interested in what you think.

Personally I dont think its an issue.Wouold people even think twice if the roles were reversed?

Personally I think the husband and the wife should both be working full time. Except in situations such as, stay at home parenting (husband or wife), one of them attending school, disability etc. If the husband OR the wife just didn't want to work without a valid reason I would consider that laziness! Now I don't think that the husband has to make more money than the wife, nor does the wife have to make more than the husband but contributing equally through effort is important. That's one thing I love about my marriage.

Both of us work full time and there were times where I made a bit more than him and now he makes more than me. I don't care where he works, and he doesn't care where I work as long as we are both putting the same amount of effort into it we are both happy. I could care less if he chose to work at McDonalds as long as he's working. And not just a job, we both equally share work around the house as well. It's about keeping it equal!

Why should one work harder than the other just because the other doesn't want to work? That's not fair, in my opinion.

Now if the husband (or wife) is working a few part time jobs instead of just ONE fulltime job, that's okay to me. Some people like variety and get bored at their job, or do it for the experience.

The husband doesn't want to work...at all. He only works sporadically if he wants something.

Kristen, why is this a problem? Is the couple not in agreement on this?

Lala, are you including those who have many activities at home in your assessment of laziness?

What type of activities at home?

Whe the couple married both worked. Within a few years the husband lost his job.He then bought into a franchise but wasn't willing to put the effort needed into it to make it work. He went bankrupt on that.

Since then he has gone from one job to another without staying more than a year at any.He buys very nice things for himself and goes golfing a great deal.

She is a teacher who makes fairly decent money but not enough to make ends meet. Talking doesn't help nor does the idea she might leave. He doesn't fight, just ignores her.

More and more in my relationship coaching, I am receiving e-mails from professional women in the same predicament.

He sounds like my ex husband. He worked occasionally (free-lance) but was not the least bit ambitious. I was the main bread winner and he didn't know how lucky he was. He wouldn't do so much as wash a dish or mow the lawn when I was at work. I would get home from a long, hard day at work and have all the household chores waiting for me. I finally had had enough when he stopped speaking to me for two months because he was upset about a dinner I'd made. I'd been handling all the work, but I couldn't handle living with someone who wouldn't speak to me.

I got a little off topic... Anyway, I don't think a marriage where the husband doesn't work will last, unless an arrangement has been made by the husband and the wife and they both agree to it. I think most people want a partner, someone who will do their part in the relationship, whether it's by working outside the home or staying home with the children. I doubt any woman wants a husband who behaves like a spoiled, irresponsible teenager.

It took me quite a while to "escape" from that marriage. Even though she doesn't want to leave, I think it's possible she will get fed up with being ignored. It is so difficult to leave, even when the marriage is bad. She has a good job and will be able to take care of herself, so that is in her favor. Are there any children?

Two children and her mother takes care of them when they're not in school. The mother (grandmother) works part-time and taking care of the children is a burden.

I love your online name 'iluvsummer' so do I! I'm a July baby and a California girl.

I believe this woman should leave too.