BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence please explain and help me understand

I came across the posting called Indiana's Shame-Teardrops For Katelyn by accident yesterday, but decided to read it anyways. Taking it as truth, as I have no reason to doubt it, I have got to ask why almost no one has replied? It has been viewed 701 times but has only gotten 5 replies; mine, 1 of encouragement, and three by the originator. Doesn't anyone have anything to say? How can anyone that has been exposed to abuse of any kind read that and say nothing? Maybe I'm missing something or am blinded by my past abuse, making more of this than is really necessary. If that's the case, please, PLEASE, tell me and set me back on the right road because right now, I've lost faith in this forum. Even if there is nothing you can do or have no suggestions for her or even don't believe it, she's desperately crying out for help. She needs to know there are people who care. I'm sorry if I'm out of line or totally out in left field. I welcome and truly want your feedback. Please help me understand!!!!

I'm going to read it now nadaurz. I don't usually read this particular forum.

Patience.

I think one reason people don't post that often in this particular forum is fear. Some people just don't know what to say, some people are afraid to share what they know because if they tell too much of their story they are afraid someone will know who they are, etc. I get emails all the time from victims and survivors reaching out to me for guidence and help. I encourage them to come here and talk to others but they are afraid that their abusers or someone will discover it is them. That is one reason why I made the very first post on this forum entitled "forum rules". In there I talk about how this forum is extremely safe and confidential. I am not saying it is 100% safe but we here at BellaOnline go to great measures to protect our readers. Other people will only find out about you through the information you provide. I would really love for this place to become a haven for people, but I can only do so much.

....And sometimes words just don't cover what people feel.... a form of shock. 701 people seeing a post and not replying doesn't automatically mean they don't care, or wish to share.
I viewed it, and didn't reply.
What was said covered what I thought, and amply so. I didn't see the point in filling a rectangle with more words.

Jeanette, your reply is what I was hoping to hear. I think you do a great job as moderator and in creating a safe haven. As you said, the rest must come from outside your control. I know if it was just 5 or 6 years ago at the most, I wouldn't be voicing anything for fear he would get his hands on my computer and use it against me. I would have read it, but I'd never have said a single word! But on the other hand, Alexandra's reply was exactly what I feared as true. She just didn't feel the need to waste her time or words! I do not see how any warm-blooded, caring, nuturing human being, with or without children, religious or not, black,white, or any other race, gay or straight, abused or never even touched personally by it, could read that without having some type of reaction to the abuse that child is living in. She is not only victimized by her immediate abusers, but is abused again and again by the system which has been given the authority and the responsibility to protect her from such human right violations. I didn't hear the voice of someone venting and getting her rant out! I heard the voice of a mother that was at her limits, screaming for some sign of sanity in this world! You, Alexandra, felt the need to fill that rectangle above with useless words, but saw no point in taking 2 minutes to say, "Hey, I don't know how to help, but my positive thoughts are with you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" While I may react to the other extreme, I would much rather err on the side of caution, than to ever, ever not act when I might have been able to make a difference, even just for one minute, in the life of someone such as that little girl or mother. I'm truly sorry you feel like that, Alexandra. Tell me honestly, did you not feel the need to fill the rectangle with any kind of words because you felt it beneath you or because you felt powerless or what? There are not enough words in any language to cover such an atrocity in any manner, much less "amply so". Shock. You said it. That's exactly what I felt. Never once in any way did I say or even imply that I thought no one cared or wanted to share. That came from within you. What I was saying is how could that many people keep themselves from saying something-anything? And back to you, Jeanette, I should tell you that post was also put in the civil rights forum with the same results. Please, don't feel I was pointing a finger at you in any way. We are all just human-a small force in this world. That is why the elitists make up 5% of the population, yet control 95% of the wealth, controlling the gates that protect them and their control. But one small voice added to another small voice and so on must eventually be heard! The United States, my home, spends millions of dollars protecting the human rights of others in many, many third world countries. It is a shame that even one child could be so violated within our borders. I had hoped this post would be more of a call to arms than a waste of words in a rectangle. I truly hope the majority don't feel as Alexandra does! I encourage you to check out the civil rights forum.

nadaurz, I understand your frustration, I don't agree with your attack on Alexandra though. Normally I would delete a post like that or edit it myself, but I think I will leave it be because I think it is a good place to start a discussion. If we can get more people fired up like you were in your post and say something to their mayors, their governors, to our senate and other parts of government, I think we could make such a difference in our country alone. Even though I am American and proud to be so, our government just makes no sense sometimes to me and I am sure many people. We have thousands even millions of people who go to bed hungry at night, yet we ship food to other countries every day that our people can use. There are thousands of children who are homeless right this second in on our streets yet I saw a commercial last night for The Christian Children's fund that sponsors kids in foreign countries. Why doesn't someone start a sponsorship program for poverty stricken chilren here on our streets? I do feel really aweful for women in foreign countries that go through abuse (for example the genital mutilation practiced on females) and I do think we all need to be aware of this. Not many of us can do anything hands on about that but what about the men and women in our country who can't sleep at night like I once did in fear that they will wake up with a knife to their throat or their partners hands choking the life out of them. What about the woman or man who fear walking up the street everyday in fear that their abuser is behind the bush up ahead waiting to jump out and possibly end their life.

At the end of 2004 on the way home from the corner store I witnessed a man kicking a woman who was laying on the sidewalk. I could have crossed the street and ignored it like sooooo many people would have. I walked right up to this strange man who was much bigger then I and asked "is everything alright here sir?" He of course spit profanities at me. I look at the woman in the eye and saw the desparation in her eye to get him away. I walked as quickly as I could and told Chuck (my fiance') what was going and I called the police. I could have left it at that but I went outside when the police showed up and gave mystatement. The following week, a subpeona showed up. I could have been a coward and not have gone. But being in the situation she had been in many times, I had to go. I showed up to court, she didn't. I wished I had gotten her name and phone number so I could have been there for her. I only remember that her name was Amy. He got an extention because she didn't show up. He went back to jail. I went to the next hearing, she wasn't there again. He saw this too and smiled at me like he had won. The judge read my statement that I had given police and one other from another witness, I had to swear it was the truth. I was the voice for Amy that day. He was convicted on my testimony. The prosecutor said that if I hadn't showed up he would have been allowed out that day and probably would have went right back to Amy and something worse could have happened. I made a small difference for this couple. I pray that he got the help he needed and has changed.

Not everyone will do what I did. I do think we all need to take a stand as you stated nadaurz. In today's day and age, domestic violence of any kind is inexcusable. People know the concequences of abuse yet we sit by and let it happen. I think Alexandra is right though, the responses that were given were the same as what she would have expressed. Maybe she should have said something, but we shouldn't judge people like this.

I'm sorry if feel I attacked Alexandra. It wasn't a personal attack on her. I don't even know her and never pass judgements. I would have to judge myself first and I don't believe I'd like what I found! I was reacting to her words. I told it personalwhen she said she felt no need to fill up a retangle with.....! Since I had filled more than a rectangle with my words, I felt it directed to me personally. I was truly shocked and honestly asked for someone to help me understand. I will never accept or believe that there is no sense in saying it's all been said as long as there is one single human suffering like that. I will say and do whatever to bring attention every time to it. Believe me, I have paid the price for it more than once, but when it's said and done I can still face myself in the mirror. If I didn't, I don't believe I could. I agree it's a good start to a discussion. We have third world countries thriving within the US borders where abuse is rampant. The Pine Ridge Reservation and inner-city ghettoes come to mind. Change starts at home, I believe. I am proud to be American and would want to live nowhere else, but right now I'm not too proud of being a human being. The animals don't act like this. This is what we call civilized and nature is wild and untamed? Something is not right! As far as Alexandra, I apologize if she is offended. It was NOT a personal attack, atleast not by intention.

Jeanette, I am grateful to you for your comments....
nadaurz, I am not offended, and I take your point, too. You have every right to feel angered about this, and I in turn did not wish to trivialise what you put in your rectangle...That was not my intention, not at all. I was referring to the matter that I would have put in my rectangle as superfluous and repetitive.

I also don't live in the USA otherwise rather than speak words, I would link arms with you and we would beat down the door together.... If they were to try to stop you through legal channels, they'd only have me to deal with in your place....

I thank both you and Jeanette for your inputs.
Please know then, therefore, that whatever you think, say and do, that I wholeheartedly support your every move.
I just wish there was more I could personally do, here and now.

With deepest Metta and Karuna.

I was once an administrator on a forum for adult survivors of child sexual abuse, and I found also that though it was a closed list (not able to be seen except by members) there were many who were afraid to post for fear of somehow being recognized by their abusers.

If there is one thing that abuse of any kind does to us, it is that it makes us fearful.

All good thoughts to you all.

Patience.

Thanks for understanding, Alexandra. I went through hell fighting for my niece and nephew after their father murdered their mother. At the time, I could not understand how the courts could force those kids to visit their father in prison. But with time and experience, I must admit it did give them time to come to terms with it and get some closure-in the end making their own decision about a relationship with their father. If we hadn't been forced to bring them, they would have lost both parents that day. I guess in a way, it empowered them, giving them a little bit of control back over their world. I'm proud to say both are grown with families of their own and doing very well for themselves and by their children!