BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse How to recognize an abused child?

How to recognize that a child is being abused at home or by somebody else? You come across many children in your neighborhood. Have you ever thought about the abuse a child may be getting? Most of us do not, because we do not look for signs that tell us that a child is abused. If we can do that, we can save a child's precious childhood. Let us talk about that.

If the child is undergoing physical torture, you may find the signs of that on child�s body. The injuries may not be bandaged. Watch for a burn sign, or red marks of beating, or any other mark that tells you that the child has suffered them not while playing or by accident, but by deliberate torture. If needed, ask the child. He/she may not answer and hesitate. You may see the fear in his/her eye when you ask that question. You should be then sure that the child is getting abused.

If the child is looking afraid or watchful at all the times, it means that the child expects the cane to fall on him/her at anytime. Normally healthy children are carefree. But an abused child is not carefree. That child may be asked to get up from sleep and hit mercilessly by his/her parents for some fault that was so small that any normal person could ignore it as childish act. But parents/abusers do not feel like that. They believe that the child should be perfect and deserves to be disciplined whenever a small mistake is made.

This is a very sad world and some people are cruel beyond belief. Please look for psychological signs in a child that signal something wrong. Please report to the nearest police station, if you suspect that the child is being abused. By ignoring that we are partners in the crime. Would you like to be partner is the crime of child abuse? Please help the unfortunate abused children. Please protect them from vicious people.

cdmohatta,

Thank you for writing such a wonderful article. Your article will help educate people.

Thank you Kelli.

Often it is very difficult to tell if a child is being sexually abused as opposed to physical abuse. This is because there is often no physical evidence to be seen.

With some children, it is obvious because there has been penetration. But sexual abusers are getting very smart. They now seem to abuse by other methods, such as oral sex and by getting the child to 'do things' to 'them'.

Silence is sealed by threats, such as 'If you tell, I will kill your dog" or "I will tell your parents that you were a bad girl when I was looking after you, and you will be punished" (this works well, because the abuser often knows the parents and is aware of how they discipline their child.) These two methods of 'shutting me up' were used on me as a child.

Also, in some cases, there are other children involved and are made a part of the abuse - participating in it with other children, so it is very easy to threaten them to remain silent. There is always guilt present in sexual abuse and the child is told that it is their fault. The child believes this.

When there is more than one abuser, the child is often subjected to witnessing sexual acts between adults as well as being made to participate.

So how can we know this is happening?

The child is afraid to tell anyone. The abuser has unlimited power, and there are no physical marks which would be seen by a parent or a doctor. The secret is kept throughout life, until the psychological damage is such that the victim (usually in their later adult years) seeks help from a psychiatrist.

At least, that it how it happened to me, and to many others I have met in sexual abuse forums.

My parents died not knowing that I had been abused. In fact, I told no one until I was 53 years of age and my life was in tatters. I confessed to my GP who referred me to a support group for adult survivors of sexual abuse. From there, I sought out psychiatric help.

Some of the signs that might have been recognised today, when there is more knowledge of such things, is a child who is a loner, who is reclusive - who doesn't mix well, who doesn't have friends, and who is afraid of certain types of people, such as priests; men dressed in black; confined spaces; school; and other things.

The child may have bad dreams, or be afraid of being away from parents. a 'clingy' child. Bed wetting is one already mentioned, but which did not apply to me.

The child may be either a poor achiever, or driven to succeed at everything. Anxious to please and afraid of failure.

The child may have unrealistic fears and be ultra sensitive.

The child may exhibit knowledge and interest in sexual things well beyond their age. They may have obsessions with their own, and other people's bodies. They may approach other children in a sexual manner. They may 'hurt' themselves = self injury, be accident prone (all forms of self punishment)

They may prefer the company of animals to that of humans.

These are some of the signs to watch out for.

Patience.

Fantastic answer patience.

I agree, Patience, that it is often difficult to recognize a sexually abused child, or an emotionally abused one, too, or even a physically abused one, for sometimes marks are hidden under clothes. Your willingness to share your story and your suggestions may help one of us to recognize a child one day who needs our help. Thank you for that.

Still, so many children will be alone. As you have mentioned, abused children are often isoloted, shy, and reluctant to tell. Not all shy children are abused, but often we don't get to know a shy child, and when children are abused by family members, it can be even more difficult to tell what is going on.

But there is something we can ALL do to help children.

About 6 years ago, i had an adult friend who was just starting to remember that she had been sexually abused as a child. She was, understandably, quite emotional during that time in her life, and she couldn't always think straight because of all the strain she was under, and she was experiencing flash backs, too.

She was working at the time as a teacher in a public school, and one day... i don't know where she learned it... from therapy or a book i guess... she heard a statistic about the percentage of sexual abuse victims and immediatly she thought of her students and calculated that statistically two children in her class (if it were typical) were being molested. She started going absolutely crazy with panic!!!... she was completely obsessive about figuring out which "two" and i became very concerned about her... she was really getting off the wall and i was afraid she would seriously harm herself (at the time she was sometimes cutting herself to relieve stress).

Now i had also taught children's classes... older students than hers (hers were K-2 i think, and mine were 6-8)... and i was only teaching summer art classes but i discovered in my own classes after teaching a while that the best thing i could for the kids was not... as i had originally thought... to drive in facts about photography which they may or may not use as adults... but instead to help them enjoy photography, and more importantly help them to feel good about themselves and confident in their ability to learn, be creative, and have independent thought and responsible behavior, and in that way, i'd help them with that difficult time of going from being a child to being a more independent individual. It revolutionized my teaching and the students suddenly bloomed. i saw kids go from ordinary, to extraordinary and i only had them for three weeks... i still tingle with pride when i think of what they accomplished.

So that suggested to me what to tell my friend... i told her that even if she never figured out which kids in her class were being abused, she could help them all, the abused ones included, and the ones who had not yet been abused, by giving them the skills we all need to survive life's hardships... through encouraging their self esteem, and by letting them know that their voice really and always matters and that at least one person (her) wanted to listen to them and cared about them and thought they were special.

I know in my own childhood, sometimes an adult was just passing through my life and i'd only talk to them for maybe minutes... but if they treated me with respect and concern, i might remember them for a lifetime and gotten strength from it in a time of need. Isn't it like that for all of us? Don't we all remember a few adults who came into our lives and made a huge difference with just a few words? We can all do that for each child that passes through our lives... by listening to whatever they have to say... by letting them know they are important and that their happiness matters.

hollyelise

Thank you very much for coming here.
Let us all create more awareness about this at least till 30th April. Of course our quest to fight this monstrosity should never stop.

Patience,
Thank you for your input. It definitely sheds some light on the topic.

Oh YES! Your words ring so true for me. If only someone at school had taken the time to make me feel worthy and appreciated, it would have made such a difference.

You are a true 'teacher' - you do not dictate, you lead, gently and with love.

May you be richly blessed for the wonderful work you do.

Patience.

Thank you kellideister, I am only to happy to help in any way that I can.

Children are so precious.

Patience.