BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development happiness and change

hi guys,

I've been in a rut lately and a bit depressed for the last couple weeks. I decided though, i really want to make some changes in the next month, to become much happier... you know, make changes, address some of my problems, find some better attitudes and learn how to have fun again!

I was wondering if any of you are feeling the same way, and would you like to discuss daily for a month... sort of as motivational buddies?

How do we go about that? suggest.

I personally would suggest that you need some time on your own, in solitude, to really evaluate how far you have already come in your life.... Decide what aspects of yourself are holding you back.... Are you assertive enough to let others know what it is you want, without putting their noses out of joint, for example, or do you tend to sacifice your own will to keep others happy, even if you find that it's not exactly what YOU want to do?

What in your Life right now is bringing you Pleasure, and what is bringing you Happiness? There's a difference you know....

Just a hint:
Until you can completely be happy with yourself, content that what you are, is as whole as you want to be, and that you love and accept yourself unconditionally, whatever 'flaws' you might perceive (and these you can work on in your own time...or not, as your choice might be....) then, - nothing else will ever fit just right.

Start with you.
Then work down.

To begin with I can suggest something that works immediately.

Our mind and body are interconnected. Mind directly affects the body. But not many people know that body also directly affects the mind.

Watch your posture when you are depressed.
watch your posture when you feel happy.
Note down.

Whenever you want to feel happy, chane your body posture to that of a happy body. Your mind will follow.

I read this in one of the books of Anthony Robbins long back and tried it. It works beautifully.

Oh brilliant CDM, well done, Yes, I completely agree...!

Where the Body goes, the Mind follows, and where the Mind finds itself, the Body will be....

Another good tip, if I may add to your great advice, is to smile serenely for three deep breaths in, and three full, slow breaths out...

Hollyelise, do this six times a day, and coupled with the handy tip from CDMohatta, things will be a lot more positive much sooner than you think!

Reading jokes and watching funny movies changes mood immediately.

The only requirement is to break the state ofsadness and bring in the state of happiness. Some people enjoy being sad. Look at yourself and decide if you are one of them. If not, youwill achieve happiness very quickly.

Bertrand Russel has written a book on this subject. I do not recollect the name.

I am so glad you two came to this thread!

Yes, i agree, our bodies matter with our moods... and i completely forgot about posture! I have started getting back to walking every day though, and getting fit again and moving around i'm sure will help me feel better and sleep better, and if i lose a couple pounds, so much the better!

Reading jokes and watching funny movies is good... i was thinking of music - its always had such a strong power to change moods, so i'm going to look particularly for music that is happy and energetic. i used to put on things like Smashmouth and B-52s whenever i had to clean house before company. Sounds funny but it kept me moving faster and i got a lot more done in less time! I'd like to find something good to start my day off with, so i feel happier.

Alexandra, i see what you're getting at with the solitude... you have a good point about not being assertive. I think it does affect self esteem in a big way, and i've been thinking self esteem is so important to happiness! But for me, and for a friend of mine who is very depressed... we spend far too much time alone as it is and need to do the opposite... push ourselves to be more social even when we don't feel like it. If we're around people... me in particular because of my history... we feel better and are more mentally healthy. I think most people when they are depressed have a tendency to withdraw, and that's not good. Even if you have a family, it may not look like you're withdrawing when they are around, but if you quit seeing your own friends and doing your own thing, or quit really connecting with others, that could be withdrawl. There is even research evidence now that shows calling a friend daily will improve your heart health and extend your life expectancy considerably!

Here are some other ideas i had:

Journalling, but with a couple of specifics in mind. Each morning i want to list three things i can look forward to in my day. I think this will put me in a better mindset for the day. In the evening i want to write about three high points of my day, or if i'm not feeling well, at least write three things i feel grateful for. This i think will help me shift my focus from the negative to the positive and if i do it for 30 days, it should become a habit.

Interupting old patterns of thinking - If i catch myself straying down that old sad path of thinking and getting sad or worried, i'm going to interupt it with ... oh, maybe singing a song, or reading a book, doing something to solve my problems or calling someone and talking on a completely unrelated topic, or something like that. I'm also going to try to talk positively to others... because i want to see where this will go. I have a hunch that if i can give up complaining for a month i won't feel like i'm holding it in, but instead that things actually ARE better... that i'll get swept up with being more positive, and others being more positive in return. Of course, part of this is i'm going to watch how i talk to myself. I'm going to try to quit thinking negatively, or making any unkind comments about myself.

And a big part of my plan, is i'm going to start addressing some of the problems i have in my life. I think a lot of times we get depressed or in a rut because we feel discouraged from solving those problems, but as soon as we quit trying... that's when the bad moods settle in. It's complacency, and we feel powerless then. We feel not good enough to solve them, or something. Or sometimes we try, but give up waaaaaay too easily, and then try again, and give up again, and then feel like a failure. So for me... i need to go back to college to finish my BA and earn more income starting this month and improve my social life... particularly i'd like to find a good mate... i don't mean any guy... i mean only someone who enhances my life considerably.

But i do want to address the problems. Attitudes are important... in fact they are almost everything... but i don't want to feel like i'm putting band-aids on a serious wound, either, and just smile my way through and never do something about the issues in my life.

So what do you think? Do you like the journalling idea?

Let's see... today i'm looking forward to: lunch out with my friends, going for my long walk in the beautiful spring, my coffee...mmmm! And knitting on a beautiful flowered purse project that's almost done!

Well, they do say "T'is part of the cure to wish to be cured" - !!
What I meant by solitude is not necessarily cutting yourself off from people for a prolonged period of time...I meant it more in a way of just finding an hour or two to yourself to just focus inwards, without external chatter or distraction... Having a lot of people around you is a good thing generally, because Man as a species is a gregarious animal in general, for sure....
But just occasionally, we need a bit of 'me' time to just get our thinking hats in order, if you see what I mean. Just so's to access your deeply inner self (What DO I sound like - !?) and ask yourself the really important questions only you can answer....
And you know what? If the answers don't come immediately, the fact that you've asked them has created an opening into your ublime sub-conscious, and eventually, you'll get the lightbulb moment, in one way or another.... maybe whilst you are journalling...

Good idea that...but don't get too attached to what you write. Look upon it as putting it on the page, and cleansing it from your mind.
And don't keep it for more than 6 months. believe me, by then you will have sooooooo moved on, you might find some of it plainly laughable or ridiculous.... "I felt like THAT?! What a dork!!"

I have experience, you know - !!

hahaha... you are funny Alexandra, it's like i can see little laugh crinkles at your eyes when i read what you write. It makes me feel good.

Well for me, the walking is my introspection time. my "path" is 6 or 7 miles, so it takes me about an hour and 45 minutes to complete it. I take music with me, usually, but sometimes i don't listen to it and i try to spend at least some of the time in the quiet each time... or rather listening to the nature around me. Somehow, the thinking is always better (more clear) when i'm doing this walk than when i'm trying to be quiet to think at home... why is that? And you're right, sometimes i just put a question "out there." It's what i call my "back burner" thinking. You know how when you're cooking you may have something in a skillet on the front of your stove that you're watching and stirring, but you have something on the back burner too, that you hardly have to check because it just takes care of itself? Like that. it's ready when it's ready.

Too late about the not hanging on to what i write.. HAHHAHAHHAHA! I have at least two dozen journals stuck in a drawer. I even have the entries (*gasp*) indexed. hahahha. I can pull one out, scan the index and find entries about my mother, or art or whatever topic i want and go to the page. It's interesting... i haven't gone back in ages, but when i do i find a lot of the ridiculous as you say, but also some real gems, too, that let me see who i was, or what i thought about long ago and had forgotten. And sometimes it helps me to feel better when i see how i HAVE moved on!

How are you today, Alexandra? Is it beautiful weather where you are? We're having a very pretty day here in Ohio.

The weather has been unseasonably mild and warm, and we have had some delightful, clear-blue-sky spring days....
There is something quite dazzling about seeing a tree laden with pink blossom against an azure morning sky....I find it just empties the mind with it's transitory beauty, and just the sight of it can bring anything into perspective....deep breath.....and relax.....:)