BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development happiness and change

Okay... i feel more awake now, so its time to get myself mentally sorted out for the day!

Things i'm looking forward to today: teaching my class tonight, walking in the warming spring weather, reading, meeting with my friend to write, enjoying my cat Fisher, enjoying coffee!

Just thinking about these things makes me feel better! Looking out my window, i see spring is here. We just had a cold front go through with lots of blowing snow, and unfortunately it killed many of the flowers. But it has passed now and it's warming up again, and looking out my window i see the bright green of early spring on a bush that had been brown all winter, and the first leaves are appearing on the trees.

I am happy because you are happy.

That is so sweet!

How was your day, cd?

Mine was good but it was a tougher day of teaching than usual. My students kept me hopping and they admitted they were a bit difficult today. I had to keep reasserting control of the class so i could teach a little because there were so many interruptions including one of the owners interupting my afternoon class in the middle of a demonstration i was giving to ask everyone their opinion for new wall color and to go over paint chips and argue about color (keep in mind these are adult women, mostly seniors, hahaha, but a boisterous lot! It was like trying to harness wild horses!). Towards the end of the day, i got a little cranky. Of course it's so rare that i'm cranky that when i am no one ever takes me or my comments seriously and today they would just respond to me with, "We gotta get you a man, honey!" in concerned voices, as if the only reason i could every be cranky is if i'm not getting enough sex. hahahaha!!!! (Well maybe its partly true, hahaha)

Ah well. Now at least i can relax. It wasn't a bad day... just challenging and tiring. I should do some paper work now... i have some pressing deadlines giving me stress, but i might just ignore it tonight and try to relax and rejuvinate.

Sometimes in my quest for happiness i am reminded by the world that i do not live in a bubble. Today was one of those days where there was a definite tide! I stayed afloat, and managed to laugh and find satisfaction in my work.

Yes, you are right. Satisfaction in work gives great happiness. Watch your mood when you are dissatisfied. That will be unhappy.

So satisfaction in work is a key to happiness because we feel worthy of ourselves andd have healthy self esteem.

hmmm. i don't know about worthy, but i do enjoy helping others, teaching skills, and giving them joy!

When you enjoy, you get happiness. Right?

Yes.

But don't you find there are some people who do good and help others, but still have low self esteem?

Yes. Very valid point. Such people are there. They begin believing that they are in this world only to help others. They have no rights of their own.

Well, I think we need to take a step back a moment... First of all, in the context of the original questions, and answers I gave to your previous statements, I had not considered an abusive situation at all....you have just brought this into play. Whilst I am not implying it's not relevant, I had not realised you were thinking of this aspect when responding to your original comments.
Secondly, in such a situation, the consideration of 'happiness' is irrelevant. in fact, to consider any form of happiness taking place in such a situation is simply out of the question. There can be no form of happiness, unless you consider respite as happiness. Such a relationship can't even be considered in this context. The abuser is not happy, no way. And of course, neither is the abused.


No. In light of the original parameters, I think it is still unquestionably true.


It has nothing to do with fairness or unfairness. These are just red herrings. It is quite possible to be happy, serene, content and joyous, IN SPITE of everything going on around you. It's a question of being able to rise above such mundane illusory and transitory things. It's not waht happens externally that counts. It's how you deal with it inwardly.



Actually, children are amongst the most selfish beings around. It's just that they don't know it. Every child - from Birth - seeks warmth, comfort and food, and kicks up a fuss if they don't get it. I remember being a mother to two toddlers, and believe me, they are selfish and self-serving. It's just that they have not been taught the skillful means of distinguishing happiness from selfishness. And this is quite normal and natural for any child.
As to the 'abused' bit, again, you have introduced this as a new proviso and angle....

However, I happen to know - yes, KNOW - that with the right Mental training, inward Serenity, Joy and happiness is achievable, even in the most desperate of situations.

Alexandra,

I was not thinking of abusive relationships when i began this thread, but nor were people in abusive situations ever excluded from consideration "in the original parameters," ...only later by you, and you were making an assumption. The reason I brought up the subject of abuse is because it illustrates a flaw in your sweeping statement:

"If your motive is solely to make the other person happy, you will be happy too."

I don't think a person would have to be in an abusive situation for them to be unhappy while serving others selflessly and "without an agenda" as you put it. Nor is it mutually exclusive for a person to live largely alone and be happy (i.e. again happy in the absence of helping others). And i think if your statement is false in some situations, it calls into serious question that "making others happy" is actually responsible for our happiness in general terms as you stated it, or if instead there are other causes of happiness and sometimes selflessness is present when someone is happy, and sometimes selflessness is present when a person is unhappy. At any rate, you certainly have not, in my opinion, and even with your added comments, effectively argued the truth of your statement.

You also said, "Secondly, in such a situation, the consideration of 'happiness' is irrelevant."

Why???? Excuse me, but look again at the title of this thread. And look too at the post that prompted your comment. I have a pretty good idea what's relevant and isn't in this topic, for i started the topic and this thread. Again, no one is excluded from this discussion, or the potential of happiness, we were simply discussing what might bring about happiness, for me, for you, for everyone and anyone interested... in general terms... and i disagree with your view. So where did you derive that happiness or any individual's situation is not relevant to this discussion????

This thread started out with my saying i'm interested in being happier this month and is anyone else interested? What followed was suggestions and their discussion of what might bring about happiness (for me, for you, for anybody), so i don't see why any situation would be "irrelevant."

And then, here's a beaute, in your following two statements in the very same post, you are contradicting yourself:

"Secondly, in such a situation [abuse], the consideration of 'happiness' is irrelevant. in fact, to consider any form of happiness taking place in such a situation is simply out of the question."

...and...

"It is quite possible to be happy, serene, content and joyous, IN SPITE of everything going on around you."

May i suggest you crow a little less loudly and with less rude condescension at least until you figure out what you're saying.