BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development happiness and change

Yes, its a beautiful day here too, and i have already been for my long walk. Very pleased about that... i think i'm back on track with the exercise habit!

Today i was thinking about happiness and self esteem, and being able to rely on oneself. The people i see who are the most unhappy, feel like they can't accomplish what they want, so why bother? Or they make an effort but give up way too easily, because they get tired or discouraged. It even starts to be that they don't want to agree to meet with you/me 'cause they don't know how they'll feel or if they'll sleep the night before, or if they can count on themselves to show up... they start not to promise anything, or be on time, or stay true to what they say they will do, and it just seems to spiral downward. Can you tell i have a little experience with a friend who's like this? (two, actually).

And this made me think... i'm not as bad as that, but i do have some of that bad attitude. So how can i believe in myself better than i do today? How can i know i can rely on myself to do what i say i'll do, and accomplish my dreams? (as well as not be so flaky to others). How can i get back a sense of optimism, confidence, and security? And how about consistency!?

...and i think i know how now. PRactice!

I noticed that with me, i can handle about two extra things a day besides my routine, and then things start falling apart. A metaphor i think of is being a juggler... i'm a two ball juggler. Throw me a third, and one of them is going to drop! Like right now, besides work and feeding myself, i can only count on myself to follow through with two things. Right now, one is my walking, and then i'll do one other thing a day like pay bills or write on my book or something. I'd like to be a three ball juggler, so i'm going to work on that, but in the mean time, i'm lucky i know i can count on my accomplishing two things. If i start my day, i can say, "okay, what are the two most important things i do today?" and i can be 95% sure i can get them done. This is a big breakthrough for me! Why? Because i'm realizing i can COUNT on myself to do two things... that's actually more important than the two things themselves! Because you see, if you can count on yourself, lots of good things come from that... including the ability to direct your own destiny, and the security of knowing you can! If you can count on yourself... well, you know that saying, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!" ...well if you can count on yourself to do one or two things a day... you can eat almost any elephant you choose! You can read to be knowledgable and successful at a particular career and work hard at your job, you could meet people so you can find your true love, you can go back to college... study each day one day at a time and earn a degree, you can look for a better paying job, spend quality time with your family.... you can do anything you choose! All that remains is to figure out what's most important to you.

So i think this is big! I'm going to pay better attention to what my two things are each day and be very selective about them, and then just put my heart into being reliable with accomplishing those two things every day until i reach my goals. I think too often we give up waaaaay too soon or we just aren't consistent in our efforts... often getting distracted or discouraged. I'm excited about this!

Where did everybody go? How are you doing?

I noticed on this forum, readers outnumber posters about 9 to 1 !!! Any chance i can get you silent folk to pop in and say hello or make a comment?

I'm still working out happiness for myself. Today i taught most of the day, so i was busy and not much time to think about stuff. Now i'm home, and sometimes when i come home after a people-filled day i get a little bit sad or restless because i live alone. Also, when it gets dark i noticed i sometimes get a mood change. Anyone else like that? If i stay busy though, its usually better.

I haven't forgotten this "two things a day" bit either, and i think if i plan out a week at a time it will be easier for me to slide into doing the next thing when i get a quiet moment like this.

Anyway, take care (to anyone reading this), best wishes!

Make someone happy if you want happiness. Be a honest person. And speak what you mean. Duplicity can make one feel good and fool people but can never give happiness.

I concur.

I disagree.

I agree those are important things to do and be, but i don't agree they will make a person happy.

Personally, i am happier when i help others, but i've known too many women who were quite unhappy when they tried to make others happy, because they lost themselves in the process. Making someone else happy isn't always possible, either.

Nor do i agree that honesty or lack of duplicity will make a person happy, because i am honest and have been unhappy, and sometimes i've even suffered BECAUSE i am honest and had to stand up. And my friend M is one of the most honest people i've ever known, and he suffers terribly of depression!

Furthermore, i've met some corrupt people who lie and only care about themselves and surprisingly, they can live with that and don't seem to be troubled with unhappiness.

It would be nice if we were rewarded with happiness for being a good person, but that just isn't true. Some good people are happy, some good people are very unhappy. Some bad people are unhappy, and some bad people are happy.

hollyelise ,

how do you define happiness? unless that is found further dialogue will not give results.

Interesting question. Hadn't really thought about it. I guess i was defining it by the sensation. Happiness is a feeling, and as such a very personal experience. But i can see in what i already wrote i'm also assuming it is mentally healthy and balanced joy as opposed to say, a drug high. And i distinguish it from success because i know that people can be outwardly successful and still feel miserable. I also know people who are poor or who've had a lot of tragedy in their lives, and yet they somehow are able to be mostly happy.

Like my student, S... she's been fighting a rare and life threatening disease for the last two years and has felt ill a lot, she's lost a grandchild shortly after she was born, she had two suicides in the family and one of her sisters is in an abusive marriage, and who knows what else and yet S is one of the happiest people i know! She is filled with love for her family and people around her, and finds so many good things in people and things that happen each day that she takes joy in. Her faith also gives her great joy, and she knows how to have fun and cracks jokes and laughs at herself, too. It's not a cover either... she has a sort of magnatism to her.

How about you? How would you define happiness?

Happiness for me is the feeling of contentment tha comes when we know that we are leaing a proper life with correct values. Only that happiness is permanent. Other kind in my opinion is drug high as you so aptly call it. Your comments please.

I think its much the same way for me, too, but sometimes i wonder if that isn't perhaps just how i was brought up. Does everyone feel happiness the same way? I don't know. Not sure i can speak for anyone except myself.

I'm trying to think of the happiest people i know, and right now what comes to mind are people who are, as you say, people with values.

But i'm still not sure, cd... that all happy people have deep values. And again, i can think of people who have deep values but who are not happy at all.

Maybe happiness is a combination of things. I should think it impossible to be happy if you aren't happy with yourself... and you'd have to feel you are following your values to be happy with yourself, wouldn't you? I mean, you can't do things you feel are wrong and then be happy with yourself. But as people have different values... i think we'd see some happy good people and some not so good happy people.

I don't think everyone who follows their values are happy. Some people are just not at peace! ...not at peace with the world.

I think our perspective has a LOT to do with how happy we are! In everything we look at or experience, every single day... we can either find bad in it or good. We can enjoy people... or not. We can enjoy the weather... or not. We can enjoy our work... or not. And i think that has to do with our attitude a lot more than it does the circumstance! You'll find people with the strangest jobs who love their work.

And me, for instance, i often enjoy cold rainy weather. Go figure! But i feel lucky that i do... i enjoy most weather! Sunny, hot, gray, cold, stormy... each has its own delights. I only wish i could do that with everything in my life... to see the good in it and enjoy it for what it is. I'd like to see my worries in life as just interesting challenges, a chance to make change. I feel better when i feel compassion towards everyone and can find good in each person. I'd like to be able to find things to look forward to in every hour of the day, and be more appreciative of what i have.

A very detailed and a very good analysis.
Were you happy when you wrote this?