BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image A question for wives

You marry a good looking man who has good brains, earns well and has good personality. after few years of marriage this man develops
paralysis and is of no use. By this time you have children also.

What would you do? Can you please answer this in terms of reality rather than in a way that looks idealistic and good? I hope that I am making myself understood. thank you.

CDM if I may be so bold, the question is a good one, because it cuts to the chase...this is the 'better or worse' part of the marriage vow....
We never know what lies around the corner.
And as you rightly say, we should not respond in a way that looks idealistic and good.

I know what I would do.

I KNOW what I would do.
And I know WHY I would do it.

And you can probably guess what I'd say I would do, and why.

Thank you for the question.

"Is of no use"? I'm sorry, you lost me after that. I married because I loved who he was on the inside. Not for his bank account, model -looks, or anything else. Marriage is for better or worse. The only acceptable reasons, IMO, for divorce, is if there has been abuse, or the vows were broken.

Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, standing by each other through thick and thin. If a person were to walk away over something like this, I would have to question if they ever truly loved him to begin with.

What would be the action of afemale partner, if there was no marriage but only a live in relationship?

cdmohatta, I am trying to follow you... is your question about sexual needs being met?

What would you want your husband to do if that happened to you?

caramy....He IS a 'husband'.....

CDMohatta,

One can not answer on what one will do until one gets there.

Physical disabilities don't mean the end of the marriage.

I didn't marry my husband because of what he earned or how he looked. I married him because he is my best friend. I can only hope that would remain and we could face such a difficult thing together.

You are very correct.

This was hypothetical question. why think of negatives?

How about relationship without marriage?

I am thinking we are not understanding what you are trying to say or ask.

Is it that you ask about the loss of sex between a man and wife? Sex does not make a marriage. Marriage can refer to the relationship or connection between a man and woman. Sometimes it just refers to the legal status of a man and woman's relationship.

Cdm,

Wow, if you love the person he is in his heart, the husband he has been when providing for his family, the father he is to his children, then the question should never be asked. Flip the persons, and how would the wife feel if the husband had asked that question - devasted I am sure.

There is no guarantee in life, at any moment anyone could be in that same physical shape, or worse. Our time here is temporary and we should cherish every moment of every day.

Now the situation won't be easy, it will be quite difficult, but if you love someone, you work through that no matter what. Look at Christopher Reeve and all the strides his wife went through - thats love.

Have a blessed day,

Sandy

You have two kinds of relationships in west. One is marriage and the other is living together without marriage. I was aking - Will the woman would react differently if she was not legally married?

Exactly reverse happened with the companion of Stephen Hawking.

OOHHHHH...my mind never traveled to legal marriage vs living together.

I would think it would depend on the level of commitment and the way the individuals feel about this. Some marriages are run in a manner that makes it as easy to divorce as it is for a non-married couple to separate and move into different homes.

What would you do? what would any wife do? What would a companion do?

And if they do not have that level of commitment, why marry/live together? Can we discuss further?

Yes, we can discuss this more.

People have many different and personal reasons why they choose to marry or live together. Not all of those reasons are about real love. Sometimes partners don't have lasting love or perhaps the love they once felt has been eroded by problems.

So, to begin with, we can say that every couple does not have love and committment for each other. Right?

We can say that some couples do not have love and commitment. I don't really understand what they do have though.

Yes, if they have no love or commitment, why are they together?

I have no idea. One can only make a lot of guesses on that.

People sometimes stay together because they believe there is love or comitment, whereas in actual fact what they are feeding or responding to is needyness, and emotional addiction. What they think is Love, is need. What they think is commitment is an addiction to a condition where they believe they are essential to the other person's happiness.

I edited my response, Alexandra. I was saying that I understood different reasonings but didn't want to have a discussion on what others might be thinking or doing.

I went off and read another post that allowed me to see that this is a personal issue for CDMohatta not some abstract and distant line of thought. My opinion and feelings on this change due to that.

CD,

In addition to what Alexandra has shared, I might also suggest that a person's feelings and opinions towards another can be changed over the years by experiences.

In the U.S. many believe that marrying young is a bad idea because the individuals are sure to grow and change. Sometimes when that happens the couple finds they are no longer of like mind, they no longer feel and want the same things they did when they were young. This causes unhappiness and often divorce.

It happens to older adults too though. Hardship, trauma, loss and more can cause people to change and make changes in their lives.

I believe that there are lot of pretensions of love. when it comes to the crux, they get exposed.

This is true as well.

Thank you for clarifying, His Brandy.... Most kind. _/|\_

Pl. letme add. My pst was not referring to my experience. I wanted to discuss the broader aspects of relationship. Please keep aside my other posts and let us talk further.

So, we agree that people without love also come together and live.
When it comes to crux, they run away.

We agree that perceptions change.
How about values? Itwas recently found that if you are sleepless for long time, your moral judgement suffers.
So things are not as simple as they look. Right?

My opinion for what it is worth, if you marry your best friend, you will have a pretty happy marriage. I am not saying you will not have arguments and I am not saying it is fool proof, but if you are best of friends to start off, you have a lot going for you .
Romance, that lasts maybe a year or two. Some friendships last a lifetime.

Most friends avoid getting married. Is that not true? People marry those with who they are romantically attached.

You have a point about marrying best friend.

Hi Sallyann,

I married my best friend. In the rough times, it has been our friendship that has seen us through.

You were not romantically linked?

I married my best friend and it lasted about a year. We had a great friendship but romantically it was a disaster.

So the marriage is over?
Did absence of romance do that?

Unless the timing and loss of desire/romance is mutual it is disastrous for the relationship, especially if there was/is no strong friendship/respect.

I was young when we met. There was a bit of something more but we developed the connection into a friendship first. I think the rest deepened due to that.

But there was an undercurrent of romance?

That really depends on what you mean by romance.

We felt a connection, a belonging together. Our friendship grew from that.

Physically, I was not what my husband was normally attracted to. For example, when we met, my husband's preference was for tall women with dark hair. I am short with blonde hair. I think my looks grew on him, lol.

Had their been no spark for more than friendship then we never would have decided to marry. But the way we communicate and interact sometimes even today is more like how friends do and that foundation has been good for us.

Am I explaining this in a way that makes sense?

I would hope that I would do right by him, and if it were reversed, that he would do right by me, also. Life would surely change... but it usually does.

I married the guy I was friends with for 16 years (now it's been 18). For the duration of our friendship, I totally suppressed my physical attraction. I wasn't ready for marriage, and he wasn't someone you just date! He's definitely a keeper :-)

And is of no use? Wow let's see a man write that and just sit back and watch countless women get angry about that! Not to mention that this is just an heartless statement to make! Like he did it on purpose just to make his wife's life a hell!

I am not married and I am not in a relationship but I do know that if one day I am in a relationship it will mean that I love this man and that will also mean that if something happens to him whether he is physically or/and mentally handicapped by this I will stand by him no matter what. People can say that it is easy to say but I know me and I also know that the people who actually suffer have it worst than the people who are not afflicted directly by what they have. Sure it is awful seeing someone you love suffer but it is not you who really suffer it is them!

The only time I can accept someone leaving in one way or another someone they love after something awful happened to them is if what happened to them is their fault (awesome example is all the idiots [being VERY nice here and im actually insulting idiots] setting themselves on fire to post it on the internet).