BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image Body image after babies and men?

I totally agree too. but there seems to be so many of them.... Prior to teaching I worked ina very male dominated workplace...the men would say appauling things about their wives bodies to each other...ie "did you see the new chick next door? I wish my wife had tits like that instead of her baby udders"

These comments were frequent yet knowing some of the couples personally I know that too the wives faces it was a different story?

When out shopping I see husbands like this frequently....arm in arm with wife and oggling ...literally hundreds of them...
Then when one goes to the news shop I constantly see men (many of whom I assume are married spend the families hard earned cash on copies of the latest blonde 20yr old in penthouse of playboy...
so I guess I was talking generally although I have sometimes seen my h oggling (he doesnt buy porn though)..

Whats going on ? it seems men want us to bear their children and then discard us as old hags and get their viewing pleasure elsewhere even when we look after ourselves. Afterall we cant help aging or stertch marks or sags (at least without surgery)

Hmm...your post is a good reminder that we need to be more picky when committing to marriage. If the mutual respect, love and affection is still there after the initial infatuation, and feeling of being in love with the notion of being in love have passed, then perhaps a couple might have a fair shot at being married without encountering the kinds of issues you are describing.

Additionally, when you heard such drivel spoken in your presence, I hope you spoke up and put the guys in their places (or back up on their trees).

Sylvia,

I like what you said and I agree with it.

I think my personal feelings and the statements I shared stem from the fact that my husband and I were friends before we dated and married.

I feel I got to see a clearer view of who he was since we weren't doing the dating dance. We talked openly for hours sometimes about everything and nothing.

I certainly don't think he is without faults, I saw some of those too. I certainly don't think he never looks at other women...I just don't care.

He makes me feel good about who I am, I feel worthy of love. I feel beautiful usually. More importantly I feel respected.

You are a very lucky person.

I have a observation-

If a man is looking elsewhere than his wife, he is only interested in a body. he is a typical male who looks at a beautiful female and gets his excitement. He has not grown up mentally. Hewill know the worth of a wife after he falls sick and needs long term care at home. No 20 year blonde will come to take care. His wife will do that.

Wives having a husband who enjoys looking at 20 year old blondes should do one thing. In front of their husband they should approach that female and ask her if she would like to make love to their husband. The answer will be revealing for the day- dreamer husband.Do it once or twice and your man will stop watching.

CDMohatta,

I don't think looking at another woman is a problem. As humans, we will look sometimes..that doesn't mean we must allow our tongues to hang out and to forget our mate at our side or worse hurt them over such a thing.

As a woman, I have glanced at an attractive man. I have even noted the beauty of other women. I don't have any feelings beyond noticing that they are physically appealing, dressed very nicely, have wonderful hair or whatever. Is that a wrong thing?

Perhaps a man, even my own husband feels more of a physical reaction, does this mean he is not in love with me? He wishes he were with her? I don't think one must go in hand with the other. If he only looks and does not make me feel as if he wishes he could go running off after her, why is this such a hideous thing?

When I said watching females, I was talking not only of innocent watching, but disrobing mentally and fantasizing of sex. I am sorry that the focus went to watching. Many men who are married do that. I find that sometimes a man goes to a prostitute because he finds his wife no more attractive and prostitution is the only way to get the feel of a young body again.

A response for you CDMohatta,

Prostitutes are not in great abundance in my area so I have no real comments on that. It is more common for men to have affairs with single or married women.

Many many men look when they see a beautiful women. I can't blame them sometime when some cute young thing comes walking by I can't help but look to. I am sure if you see a man walking down the street wearing a tank top with tan built arms you are going to take a look. It is human nature we are automatically interested of things of beauty. It is a matter of not touching that needs to be kept in line. When you are in love and have been together for a long time neither of you look the same naked and after babies it is almost for certain. In all fairness I would love to have my pre-baby body also, but wouldn't trade my children for the world. I would start with yourself, find your own love and acceptance of yourself and it will shine through.

Agreed.

We are indeed pre-wired to be drawn to more beautiful things. There are studies that show that babies are more attentive to attractive faces. Maybe that is why I am so good with kids!