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Joined: Mar 2007
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Why is it many of our husbands seem so keen for wives to have babies (as we are too very often) yet they continue many of them at least to desire the pre baby bodies of women who clearly carry no stretch marks or sags. Im not talking about weight or other things within our control but the things that often naturally change beyond our control after bubs.....My husband says although he loves my body if he had the choice for it to look the same as before baby he would choose it...I think that the types of images presented in mens mags pretty much support the types of female bodies men admire most....It just seems totally unjust (even though I know we end up with absolutely beuatiful children ) it always seems to be the 20year old flawless blonde I see hubby eyeing off (incidently most men who I see in the streets seem to do the same) not the average wife and mom....I feel becoming a mother has really damaged my body image...and my youngest child is 8. Shouldnt I just be over it by now?

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If you feel your husband finds you less than absolutely desirable and less than the most beautiful woman he has ever seen...there is no getting over it because it hurts.

Men age as well and should the women in their lives feel they aren't the men they used to be? I sincerely doubt that the 20 year old blonde is going to see the aging 50 year as a delectable treat.

I feel fortunate on this one. My husband tells me he thinks I am more beautiful now than before children. He seems to think my stretch marks and sagging breasts are beautiful to him. I thought he was nuts but he put it into perspective for me.

The why of it? He sees my body and knows the marks and sagging represent the most important things in his life. He looks at them and knows he really has a wife, he really has a family...those are badges of the time I spent carrying and feeding the children we had together. This makes him feel good.






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Wow, what a great husband you have, Brandy! How sweet and touching; if only they could all be so thoughtful.

We all get caught up in those images of perfection we see in the media and even on the streets. I think expecting a woman to look the same after baby may be a little immature. A man like that isn't looking at his wife as a mother, nurturer, care giver, partner, etc etc -- he's looking at her as a body. I don't mean to slag your hubby Biscuitgirl, but I wish he'd see you for what you are: the mother of his children, the love of his life, the keeper of the home, the caregiver of everyone you love!

I don't think it's as easy as just getting over it (your perception of your body). Loving and accepting who you are now, in your entirety, may be a lifelong process as your body gives way to gravity and age....

You are not your appearance! You are your soul, personality, intelligence, creativity -- your appearance is a small fraction of who you are as a woman!

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Laurie,

Thoughtful? Maybe so. He has a looong list of hurts and issues. We have finally been able to unravel some things and work on them. One thing is that he doesn't believe he deserves me.

This doesn't mean he doesn't have his moments where I wonder if he needs to be bopped on the head but we have a good foundation to work from when we do have problems.




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Hi Ladies thanks for your replies.


Originally Posted By: His Brandy
He looks at them and knows he really has a wife, he really has a family


HisBrandy (was this a reference to our previous discussion on me being a working mother? I sure would hope not as my husband ABSOLUTELY UNEQUIVICABLY knows he has a wife and family and loves us dearly)
Although I had asked my question of my husband and received his 'honest reply I was actually asking in more general terms as I have seen the same attitude in heaps of men. (hence the many many married men that one sees leering at young women in malls, buying mens mags etc (my husband is NOT one of these men).
My friends husband complains thats he body doesnt look like pre baby when he is around friends (Ive heard him with my own ears) but if she asked him the same question I asked my hubby I can almost garantee her he would deny it.....It seems to me a lot of husbands really do think this was (otherwise why wouldnt mainstream mens mags WHICH ARE HUGELY SUPPORTED BY MARRIED MEN) show bodies like the wives and mothers of these men.....Are all the hubbys buying it being ripped off and wishing the models were 40+ with stretch marks or is the mag simply providing what MOST men hold as the ideal of female beauty. This is my question. Of course none of this takes into account the deep emotional bonds between women and men but Im talking purely from aestheics

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I shared what my husband said to me about his thoughts and feelings in regards to my after baby body. That has absolutely nothing to do with you.

So you were not posting about something you deal with on a personal basis or with your own husband?





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Pregnancy does different things to different people. So does age and so do choices. There's no guarantee, having children or not having children. Over the course of four pregnancies and a decade I gained (and thankfully lost) over 200 pounds and landed one white stretch mark that's about 2 inches long. So my husband has seen me plump and thin, over and over, and he has never once led me to believe he would prefer a 20 year old blonde. And he has never once purchased a girlie magazine. During pregnancy number two we have pictures--he looks like he gained sympathy weight. Some men wander, some don't, and some look, some don't. My thought isn't so much the pre baby look, just the look we all had when we met-fell in love-got married. Ya, I wish we could all look like that. And for a price, I guess we could. But aging gracefully and loving it is a good thing.

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Iwonder,

For the right price we could all look like we paid as much as the sexy models do to look the way they do.

Is it worth it though?


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Originally Posted By: biscuitgirl
... (hence the many many married men that one sees leering at young women in malls, buying mens mags etc...


Men such as these have not yet descended from the trees and their knuckles are still dragging precariously close to the ground. Whether or not any wife of such a man is able to get back her pre-baby body is the least of her worries.

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I agree with Sylvia. And to Brandy, like I said, aging gracefully and loving it is a good thing.

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