BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Swinging and porno

This is not to offend anyone but to know the beliefs. a swingerexposes her/his body to many. Are they comfortable acting in a porno film? Or they would hate getting watched? Please no angry responses because i am trying to understand swinger's psychology and wish to reduce my hatred for swinging.

I am getting worried that I may be misunderstood. But i have no intention of hurting anybody. For me this is an analytical question. Because I personally believe that exposing one self to more than one person is wrong. I may be called backward. But that is how I was brought up andthat is what my religion taught me.

When I think about swingers, which is becoming very common in India, I somehow can not accept the fact. I want to talk to swingers with a very open mind and find out why they think that they are right in what they do. I am not talking about the argument that- we are not hurting other. I am talking about the thoughts and values of a sweinger. Why he/she does not consider themselves wrong and how they are happy with all the swinging.
i have many questions in my mind. I can talk if there is anopen discussion.
Let me tell you that I am also against premarital sex and that idea is totally unacceptable to me. But that is very common now a days and I am the odd one out.

I remember my daughter's engagement. after that her partner used to visit our home and they closed the room a couple of times. I could not accept that also.

Here I want to become a neutral person and listen withought bringing my emotions in to play. Thanks.

Perhaps people do it out of poverty.They are destitute and need to feed many mouths.If nothn works i think people move into this field.Most of them may not be happy with it.Its the path they chose or they were forced to choose.
I dont think u r backward but there may be many who think our attitude and ideals are.Thats alright.India is changing now.Many youngsters are into all kinds of nonsenses.They perhaps think its being cool or modern.What can we do to cvhange their ideas?I dono.

Poverty? Can you please explain what you mean?

I have no personal experience, but know people who swing and they are very open about it. They would never admit this, but I think they have a better experience with other people than they do with eachother. They want to stay married to eachoter, but if they didn't swing, they would end up getting divorced because they do not satisfy eachother. This applies to people I know, I can't speak for people I don't know.

Also in Europe and other places couples seem much more open to cheating than they do in the US. I have heard many European women say to their husbands, "You can do it only once, just don't fall in love." I had to ask for clarification. Once in a lifetime or once per person? It turns out, once per person. That can be a lot of people! I assume it goes both ways. If the husband has permission, the wife gives herself permission as well, but doesn't talk about it in public. So people don't get divorced over such matters. They have fun once in a while and then come back to the person they love. This is cheating with permission, but not swinging.

This way of thinking is totally unacceptable in the US. Cheating is grounds for divorce and the law supports that. If one person is caught cheating, the other person can get ALL the money in the divorce, not just half, and the house, and take the children away. So instead of cheating, if both people agree to participate, swinging is up-front, no sneaking around, no cheating.

Swingers often limit their activities to a limited number of people for health reasons and they don't feel promiscuous that way. This allows for everyone to approve or disapprove each other's partners ahead of time. This way, no one gets jealous and no one gets their feelings hurt. As long as both people approve and both people know what the other person is doing, then it's not "cheating" since everyone is being honest.

Again, this is how it was explained to me by people who know what they're talking about, so if anyone knows something different, please clarify. I hope this helps. There is no reason to hate people who are consenting adults for doing things that we don't agree with, especially if we don't have to participate.
I admire the honesty that goes along with the practice. I don't think it can work long-term, because one person will want to stop sooner than the other person is ready, and then what do you do? And if you limit yourself to the same people, someone is surely to fall in love, and then what do you do? It seems unsustainable.

Often it's 2 couples, a total of 4 people who are very good friends. You may be thinking that it's lots of different people who hardly know eachoter, but often that is not the case. Again, if someone has different information, please post.

Hello Chillin,

thanks for the effort. Could you explain this?

I don't think it can work long-term, because one person will want to stop sooner than the other person is ready, and then what do you do? And if you limit yourself to the same people, someone is surely to fall in love, and then what do you do? It seems unsustainable.

duh....looks like i din know the meaning of swinging .sheesh...sorry!

My husband told me that he and his first wife had one experience with a couple that they were friends with. He said it only happened one time and they were at a party and were all drunk. He said that it didn't happen again. So it must've not been such a great experience for them all.

I will try to explain what I mean. Say you and you wife agree that this is a good idea and both of you want to try it. What if you notice that she is having too much fun? Much more fun than you are having. And you think that you may be losing her, so you want to stop. What if she really likes it and doesn't want to stop. What do you do? And the longer this continues, to more problems you will have. It's hard enough to get two people to agree on anything, four people seems impossible.

But I think like you, this is crazy. Maybe we need to hear from people who have made this work. Thanks for your post, conniem.

engee,
Yes, just when you think this world can't get any crazier, they invent something new! lol

In your earlier post you said you know some swingers. Why not tell me about them?

cdmohatta,
So now what do you think?

Oh, the swingers I know are regular people, work hard, married a long time with 2 children. They don't tell everyone, just close friends, but it's no secret, and they talk about it openly.

They have no issues about which you were speaking?

LOL!

I don't think swinging is new, having other partners when married is not new. Being so open and comfortable is newer in this day and age.

What are your issues with premarital sex and multiple partners?

I am trying to understand the psychology.

You are entitled to not engage in premarital sex and sex with multiple partners, you are entitled to detest those activities, I think. I am just curious about your feelings and thoughts on premarital sex and multiple partners.

Cdmohatta,dont mind my asking but u seem to be very interested in such issues.one is abt incest and another abt prostituition and so on...
another usert has also pointed this out.u sy u r in ur 50's..why are u concerned abt these people's pshychology?
The world is degrading day by day.No morals and no traditions are valued anymore by many or most.I do not think its possible to undestand these things and why people do these things.Its their wish and esp when it comes to prostituition and swinging most of them are adults.they know what they r doing,right?

am just surprised all ur posts are related to issues like this.i also see some in the spirituality section and u seem to know so much of that.
as i said no offense.

I am interested in many issues such as bad treatment of parents etc. But that is mainly an Indian issue so I can not discuss that here.

Prostitution has a personal connection with me. So I want to explore it.

Swinging etc. I am only keen because I can not believe that such things can happen. I belong to a school where one man lives with a woman for lifetime without thinking about another woman and vice versa. I am not against divorce but I stronly support morality. Infidelity is a criime for me.


My very major interest is thoughts of Hinduism. How Guru works etc. But no use discussing here.
Another issue with which I work in India is orphans, widows, women's abuse and anything else that hurts my soul.

Let me tell you about my greatest passion. To have something like St. Judes Hospital in India. I have done a lot of correspondence with them, and hopefully after earning more money I will do that in my lifetime. thanks.

i have been visiting few teenage forums. I find the problem of depression very high. The main support these forums lack is that of mature advice. If I begin a forum forteen depression,will anybody help me answer the teens? The forum will be a no profit affir, for which I propose to form a trust. all the details will be given to anybody helping.

The above was my post here some days back. are you interested?
BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

Cb78,

I don't think anything we see today has not been seen or done thousands of years ago.

I do think that we see a difference in society today from when our parents and grandparents were young. I think life cycles.

CdMohatta,

Thank you for explaining. It helps me to understand you and your thoughts. I appreciate that.

I wish you much luck on the things you are attempting to do to help others.

just a small side note, I know I personally lack on my gramatical rules when on a blog...but honestly the u's abt's and so on irk me...

on a side note I do notice cdm's facination with what are considered sexual disfunctions but honestly my brain has a tendency to work the same way. I am always curious about motivations, behind everything..war...murder..religion...anything

hai His brandy You are right!

Mindy86,I dont think you shud bother too much abt the "abt's and u's"
i din know the blog had a "grammatical rules list."
As long as the message is conveyed i dont see why this matters.Anyway it shows no disrespect to anyone!!Its just simple language!!!
cb78

CDM,
I hope your dream comes true soon :-)Its a wonderful one!
I am glad you took the post in the right sense.
I guess i dont function that way.
Helping out teens is defintely good.But why are you depressed CDM?
Are you better now?

It is an old problem with me. Anyway, have you ever visited St. Judes Hospital?

No. Modern society is much more demanding. One can not have laid back attitude. It is much much different than the society before.

CDMohatta,

Hmm...a different society..in the U.S...

We don't have 700 wives, actually we can't have more than one spouse at a time.

We don't have sex in temples.

Prostitution is illegal.

It is not socially to marry a woman and keep a mistress.

It is not socially acceptable to marry a woman for politics, money or anything other than a genuine desire to be married to her.

It is not acceptable for a woman's parents to barter her or sell her to a man or even arrange her marriage.

It is not socially acceptable to marry a woman for the sole reason of social standing and having children while keeping a male lover.

It is not legal to strike a woman because she has been disobedient nor is it legal to kill her if she displeases her husband, nor is it legal to force her to do things against her will.


All of the above are things that were acceptable and legal in different time periods or cultures. They are no longer legal or acceptable in the U.S today. I can't speak for other countries as I am not aware of all the laws and lifestyles in them.

[quote=cdmohatta]i have been visiting few teenage forums. I find the problem of depression very high. The main support these forums lack is that of mature advice. If I begin a forum forteen depression,will anybody help me answer the teens? The forum will be a no profit affir, for which I propose to form a trust. all the details will be given to anybody helping.

The above was my post here some days back. are you interested?
BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

Pl. visit golivewire.com and register. begin responding to some of the teens in the depression and stress section to begin with please. Thank you very much for your offer.