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#296813 03/05/07 08:46 AM
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Wolf
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Wolf
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This is not to offend anyone but to know the beliefs. a swingerexposes her/his body to many. Are they comfortable acting in a porno film? Or they would hate getting watched? Please no angry responses because i am trying to understand swinger's psychology and wish to reduce my hatred for swinging.

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Wolf
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Wolf
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I am getting worried that I may be misunderstood. But i have no intention of hurting anybody. For me this is an analytical question. Because I personally believe that exposing one self to more than one person is wrong. I may be called backward. But that is how I was brought up andthat is what my religion taught me.

When I think about swingers, which is becoming very common in India, I somehow can not accept the fact. I want to talk to swingers with a very open mind and find out why they think that they are right in what they do. I am not talking about the argument that- we are not hurting other. I am talking about the thoughts and values of a sweinger. Why he/she does not consider themselves wrong and how they are happy with all the swinging.
i have many questions in my mind. I can talk if there is anopen discussion.
Let me tell you that I am also against premarital sex and that idea is totally unacceptable to me. But that is very common now a days and I am the odd one out.

I remember my daughter's engagement. after that her partner used to visit our home and they closed the room a couple of times. I could not accept that also.

Here I want to become a neutral person and listen withought bringing my emotions in to play. Thanks.

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Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
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Perhaps people do it out of poverty.They are destitute and need to feed many mouths.If nothn works i think people move into this field.Most of them may not be happy with it.Its the path they chose or they were forced to choose.
I dont think u r backward but there may be many who think our attitude and ideals are.Thats alright.India is changing now.Many youngsters are into all kinds of nonsenses.They perhaps think its being cool or modern.What can we do to cvhange their ideas?I dono.

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Amoeba
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Amoeba
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Poverty? Can you please explain what you mean?

I have no personal experience, but know people who swing and they are very open about it. They would never admit this, but I think they have a better experience with other people than they do with eachother. They want to stay married to eachoter, but if they didn't swing, they would end up getting divorced because they do not satisfy eachother. This applies to people I know, I can't speak for people I don't know.

Also in Europe and other places couples seem much more open to cheating than they do in the US. I have heard many European women say to their husbands, "You can do it only once, just don't fall in love." I had to ask for clarification. Once in a lifetime or once per person? It turns out, once per person. That can be a lot of people! I assume it goes both ways. If the husband has permission, the wife gives herself permission as well, but doesn't talk about it in public. So people don't get divorced over such matters. They have fun once in a while and then come back to the person they love. This is cheating with permission, but not swinging.

This way of thinking is totally unacceptable in the US. Cheating is grounds for divorce and the law supports that. If one person is caught cheating, the other person can get ALL the money in the divorce, not just half, and the house, and take the children away. So instead of cheating, if both people agree to participate, swinging is up-front, no sneaking around, no cheating.

Swingers often limit their activities to a limited number of people for health reasons and they don't feel promiscuous that way. This allows for everyone to approve or disapprove each other's partners ahead of time. This way, no one gets jealous and no one gets their feelings hurt. As long as both people approve and both people know what the other person is doing, then it's not "cheating" since everyone is being honest.

Again, this is how it was explained to me by people who know what they're talking about, so if anyone knows something different, please clarify. I hope this helps. There is no reason to hate people who are consenting adults for doing things that we don't agree with, especially if we don't have to participate.
I admire the honesty that goes along with the practice. I don't think it can work long-term, because one person will want to stop sooner than the other person is ready, and then what do you do? And if you limit yourself to the same people, someone is surely to fall in love, and then what do you do? It seems unsustainable.

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Amoeba
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Often it's 2 couples, a total of 4 people who are very good friends. You may be thinking that it's lots of different people who hardly know eachoter, but often that is not the case. Again, if someone has different information, please post.

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Wolf
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Wolf
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Hello Chillin,

thanks for the effort. Could you explain this?

I don't think it can work long-term, because one person will want to stop sooner than the other person is ready, and then what do you do? And if you limit yourself to the same people, someone is surely to fall in love, and then what do you do? It seems unsustainable.

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Jellyfish
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duh....looks like i din know the meaning of swinging .sheesh...sorry!

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Koala
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Koala
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My husband told me that he and his first wife had one experience with a couple that they were friends with. He said it only happened one time and they were at a party and were all drunk. He said that it didn't happen again. So it must've not been such a great experience for them all.


Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
~anonymous~
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Amoeba
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I will try to explain what I mean. Say you and you wife agree that this is a good idea and both of you want to try it. What if you notice that she is having too much fun? Much more fun than you are having. And you think that you may be losing her, so you want to stop. What if she really likes it and doesn't want to stop. What do you do? And the longer this continues, to more problems you will have. It's hard enough to get two people to agree on anything, four people seems impossible.

But I think like you, this is crazy. Maybe we need to hear from people who have made this work. Thanks for your post, conniem.

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Amoeba
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engee,
Yes, just when you think this world can't get any crazier, they invent something new! lol

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