Please someone help me with some words of encouragement. I don't think I have ever been this sad before. I feel awful. I haven't eaten or slept in over 24 hours. I can't stand him and I want the world to know!!!! Help me!!!!

I'm so sorry to hear that! What happened? How long have you been with him?

I have been with him for five months. I thought everything was fine. We get along. We never fight. And then suddenly out of nowhere last night I get this terrible feeling. I can't sleep so I drive to his house to make sure there are no cars there, and when I arrive there is a car in front of his house with a carseat in it. I called him and confronted him about it. I told him I never want to talk to him again. I don't. But I feel terrible. I can't eat or sleep. Nothing. I am so sad.

Wow - the power of your intuition! You must have suspected something, because you drove to his place to check.

What did he say - did he admit to cheating?

More importantly, how will you trust your gut feeling in the future, in your next relationship? The red flags are often there, but it's easier to ignore them than deal with them. I know someone who just moved in with a "crazy" landlady -- she knows this woman is nuts, and she rented a room with her anyway.

Were there red flags with him?

Audacioius, what happened? What did he say when you confronted him? Who was this person?

You know how when something like this happens, the cheater often says its the only time they ever did it...something I don't believe.

I compare it too the story of the woman who finds a cock roach in her kitchen, you might only see one, but you know in your heart there could be many many more behind the walls, inside the cabinets etc.

Cheating is the same way, if you caught him once, chances are there are many other times he was at it you didn't catch him for. You say you thought things were fine but something in your subconciences told you that something was wrong. I doubt this has been the first time you had those feelings. When people lie, they have a 'tell', if you pay close attention you will be able to identify this, you might already know what it is but not realize your mind is picking it up.

You are right not to believe it. Men are liars when it comes to that. I know. I am a man and I was a cheater and I lied about it.
I am not proud of it but I did it and I cannot change it. I cheated on my first wife several times and I don't really know why.

It could be because I wasn't in love with her anymore, it could be because I was a virgin when I married her. It could be a lot of things, I just don't know. I did it and I accept full blame for it.

We were divorced in 96 but the divorce wasn't because of the cheating. The last time I cheated on her was in 94 and was faithful to her ever since. There were opportunities for me to cheat after that but I abstained.

Then it was given back to me. After the divorce, I had a new gf and we were getting along great. We had two children together and were making plans to get married. (we didn't want a courthouse wedding. We wanted a real wedding so I was trying to save money for that)

Anyway, a couple of years into the relationship, she cheated on me, (several times, I later found out) and subsequently left me for this other guy and married him.

I was devastated. I couldn't eat for almost six weeks and dropped almost forty pounds in weight. I cried for days until my tear ducts could produce no more tears. Finally, I pulled myself up by my boot straps, realized that I had done the same thing, except leave her for one of my affairs, and just let her go. I got custody of the children which I was very grateful for and she is living a life of misery with her husband.

They have a special needs child and he does nothing for her or to help her with him. I do feel bad for her but like the old adage goes: You made the bed, now lie in it.

Now I am married to a wonderful woman and we will be celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary this December 2007. My cheating days are behind me which I am also grateful for and we have a wonderful little girl in common who will be four this November.

I am stronger in my Christianity faith now than I was when I was cheating on my wife and I am grateful for everything that God is doing in our lives right now.

If you caught your man cheating once, unless you caught him on the very first time, he was cheating before that. I will guarantee it.

Can a man change from his cheating ways? I did but there are some who cannot or will not. Go with your instincts.

Wow Vance, thats an interesting story, maybe it takes coming full circle like you did, cheating and then being the one cheated on to help you understand why its wrong.

I'm glad to hear you put that all behind you and are living a simplier more honorable life.

Its best to know now, then to get married and have kids. and find out hes cheating, i was with a player for over 30yrs, at age 70 hes still cheating on his wife and girlfriend, i left him when i met my girlfriend. now that i have become older and wiser, cheat on me once and your gone. i won't share any one ever agin. with aids and all the STDs out there I'm not ever gonna be some ones fool agin . maybe you should move on with out him, you deserve better than that. good luck

Definitely - don't waste your time. But you are going to feel sad and "shocked" for a little while -- I learned in a book I am reading that you have to grieve the break-up like any other loss. And it also said to focus on yourself (not on him, what he did or what you imagine him doing) - because it's too late. he did what he did, and you made a decision. Just be easy on yourself and grieve the loss, then move on. HIS LOSS!!!
P.S. great book by the way -