BellaOnline Forums Family Early Childhood Spanking illegal in California?

I have seen children spanked and children beaten, i spanked my kids and by a certain age all that was needed was the LOOK, thats all it took was the LOOK,

Welcome Rosie! I don't have "The Look" at least I don't think I do, LOL. I get quiet and take a deep breath before addressing the issue. The children all look at me expectantly when I do this....I'm usually talking up a storm so they know someones about to get a talking to....

Cyn

I find nothing wrong with a spat on the hand when a child, who is not yet capable of reasoning, is "exploring" something dangerous (electrical outlets, hot stoves, etc.). I have one child for whom tone of voice, a look, simple redirection and time outs work wonders; and another child for whom this doesn't work at all. Each child is different; and parents should be permitted to respond to the child as needed--within reason.

The remainder of my comments are off topic, but relate to the discussion above:

DollyDimple's comments regarding behavior hold just as true in the states. Low income does not automatically equate with behavioral problems nor does it mean a child's emotional or physical (or academic or any other) needs aren't being met. That's an erroneous assumption that many people, especially educators, make (its the whole "Culture of Poverty" fallacy that's supported by old and very poorly done "research"). Behavioral issues transcend income (and racial/ethnic and gender and language, etc., etc.) "barriers" and appear in each and every strata of society.

No one "group" is any more prone to "behavioral" problems than any other.

However, children will "behave" as you "expect" them to behave. Therefore, if you believe the children in your class have issues and you repeatedly tell them they hav issues, they're likely to live up to your expectations.

Dr. Lynn~
Thank you so much for dropping in to give the professional perspective. Many people look to their peds for direction and its handy to have our own here at Bella to contribute to our forums....
Cyn

I've a Ph.D., Cyn - not an M.D. - Dr. Gwen is our Peds person here, I think. I come with an educational/psych background.

8o)

O OOps sorry!! I still appreciate you taking the time to popover!
Cyn

I should explain that I'm no longer in the classroom and have chosen to homeschool my own children because of major problems I see with school. However, as my children get older, I hope to start working with low-income students again by volunteering my time as a mentor and/or tutor.

I agree with you about "keep your hands to yourself" because children really do learn what they live. We can't say hitting is wrong and then hit others. Then we become hyppocrates.

I'm glad you started this discussion. Definitely something that needs to be addressed.

Lynn,

I wasn't saying that all children from low-income families have behavior problems. I am simply talking about the number of referrals and violent behaviors at one school compared to another. Both schools I taught at were the ones with some of the highest number of discipline problems in the county. These kids lived in poverty and had to fight to survive...

Have you read much about Ruby Payne? The Culture of Poverty is very, very real. These kids grow up seeing shootings in their own neighborhoods and more...it's a different world--without question.

Jan

I've never been fond of the Drs. Sears, regardless of topics they're covering.

I like Four Weeks to a Better-Behaved Child : Breakthrough Discipline Techniques that Work -- for Children Age 2 to 10
by Cristine Chandler, Laura McGrath.

Dr. Chandler sets up step-by-step instructions to help parents foster good behavior in their children based on the premise that children behave well when they understand clearly what is expected of them (in other words, they do their best to live up to your expectations... if those are positive, they're positive and vice versa).

She covers:
Why punishment is often the least effective way to discipline children.
Why anger never works.
Why "time-out" works only sometimes--and what to do instead.
How to use consequences to encourage--and get--good behavior.

I hope you'll check out Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. It's an amazing book!!

I did great in terms of classroom management at my school. My point was that children who are in "survival mode" do indeed exhibit different behaviors than their middle-class counterparts. I'm not saying the behaviors can't be extinguished eventually with a great teacher who is able to build a sense of community in the classroom.

I was talking about the Culture of Poverty--the fact that children living in poverty have very different lives than other children, and these differences result in different needs. I'm not saying we should have low expectations, but we should be honest about what kinds of problems these children are dealing with in their daily lives.

School segregation is alive and well in many parts of the country with the "haves" and the "have-nots" being separated just as they've always been...Behavior issues are magnified when these children are separated from their middle-class pears. In the Culture of Poverty, children learn not to back down because it will show that they are weak. Compliance is a sign of weakness rather than a strength.

What I'm saying is that these children are living in a very different world which can result in difficulties in school--not to mention that behavior problems often arise when a child's academic needs aren't being met (as is the case with many of these children).

I recommend any of Alfie Kohn's books for teachers OR parents who are interested in a new way of thinking about children and discipline.

And How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is a well-written, easy to understand *quick* read that I recommend often..

About smacking, I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old who are both strong willed but have never been struck for any behavior. There are other alternatives but it's easier to hit than to redirect.