BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image I need help!!

I'm lying on my lounge, extremely tired and unable to think straight, unable to move. I am extremely weak and have a massive headache and all i can think about is the food that i do not want to eat. I have suddenly had a major realisation tonight that my life is not as it should be. i have anorexia and for a number of years have not wanted to receive help. i live on my own. have been in a major abusive relationship. but that is in the past and in order to cope i have chosen not to eat for some time now. it seemed to work. however as i lie here contemplating my life, i ask myself - am i really in control?

i am so scared to ask for help. i honestly do not know that i can do this. i am 22. my family live six hours away and i do not keep in contact with them and i have very few friends.

I'm terrified. I just need advice.

Thanks

I'm so proud of you for reaching out like this! You're showing so much strength and courage, pinklulu. This is the first step towards getting better -- towards enjoying life, friends, food, and your own self again! Good for you. Now, you'll be in control instead of the food and anorexia controlling you.

My advice is to immediately call a Distress Line, counselor, eating disorder clinic, or doctor. There are trained people who can help you deal with your anorexia.

If you feel embarrassed or ashamed, remember that thousands of women seek help every day - and that shows control and courage. I went for counseling for a year, and admitting that I had an eating disorder was humiliating. But counselors deal with issues like this all the time, every single day, and they know how to help you get healthy again.

Australia - Anorexia Bulimia Nervosa Association
Tel: (08) 8212 1644

Australia - Eating Disorders Association, Inc.
Tel: (07) 38762500

If you go to the websites of your library or Amazon and search for books on eating disorders, you'll find lots of help there.

Call the hospital or emergency if you need immediate attention -- your body is probably dehydrated and malnourished, which is why you're weak and have a headache.

Or, call an eating disorders clinic - they may have staff around the clock who are prepared to help you right away.

Let us know what steps you've taken, okay? We're pulling for you, and sending health and wellness your way.....

Take care, stay in touch,
Laurie

That was awesome advice! I can't think of anything better for you to do.

I wish you all the best.
Laura

Hello,

Thankyou Laurie for your prompt reply. As soon as I read your post, i got on the phone to the ambulance and i was taken straight to the hospital - where i have been for almost a week. apparently i was suffering from the effects of severe dehydration as well as some other complications. They released me on the condition that i would be back for outpatient treatment(which i have decided not to go to). i feel a lot better and gaining weight really is not the right decision for me at the moment. i have to get back to work. That is my priority right now.

Thankyou once again for your help
pinklulu

Well that's just asking for trouble. If they released you on that condition, then the least you could do is to keep your side of the bargain.

Work is not your priority.
YOU are your priority.
If you're ill again, you'll be off work anyway, and that won't be doing anyone any favours, will it?

Don't be silly.
Do as you agreed.
Don't be so irresponsible.

Pinklulu,

I was so glad to hear from you! I've been thinking about you -- last night as I was falling asleep, I decided to put an "APB" (All Points Bulletin) on the forum, asking where you were and what happened.

Good decision, to call the ambulance. That must have been scary - to spend a week in the hospital! Did you tell your parents or coworkers? Do you feel more energetic and healthy now?

I'm not sure why you've decided not to do the outpatient therapy. I understand work is a priority, but as Alexandra said - you are your number 1 priority, and you'll no doubt end up back in the hospital, missing more work, if you don't deal with the root of the problem (it sucks, I know. My year of counseling was the hardest thing I ever did -- I even hated my counselor for awhile! But without that year, I would never have dealt with a bunch of things that were holding me back from loving and being healthy and living life fully).

How much more can your body take? Those complications will get worse and even more complicated if you continue on this road. Next time, you may be hospitalized for a month, and they'll force you to eat so you don't die.

Get help, pinklulu. Get help before it's too late.

Did you read my post about the Brazilian model? Dead at 21, and she weighed 88 pounds. I thought of you when I posted it....

All right, enough nagging!

Stay in touch,

Warm fuzzy thoughts and best wishes and hugs,
Laurie

PS At the very least, get a book on anorexia, or surf the net for sites that are helpful.

PPS Make friends with food again. Anne Lamott's "Traveling Mercies" is such a great book about life mostly, and I'll never forget one chapter about her struggle with binging. She had to learn how to listen to her body, and even learn how to know when she was hungry. Food was controlling her.

Two words, Pink: Karen Carpenter

Oh Boy!!

Let me tell you about the craziest morning that I have just had.

I'm all shaky and jittery and sooo nervous but it has to be a step in the right direction (i hope).

After reading all of your posts I realised that there are people out there who care and I got a massive guilt attack and all I could think about was dying of a sudden heart attack - which really freaked me out. Surely there has to be more to life than just living and dying.

So in my insanity I made some decisions.

I am currently on leave from work for a number of weeks. But I went over to my work and spoke to my boss and I resigned from my job - effective immediately. I told him what had happened over the last week - my being in hospital - and the reason why. I told him that I needed to focus on my recovery and I could not do that while I am still working. He seemed relieved. He told me that he and the other workers had noticed a problem for some time now but weren't too sure how to say anything. We are a small close knit group in my workplace and we are all good friends. It was a nice parting.

Then, I went into the hospital and spoke to my case manager and told her that I had quit my job and was going to put all my energy into recovery. I told her exactly how I had felt in not wanting to come back and I told her how I hadn't planned on coming back but that something had changed within me and I felt compelled to come back. I told her how scared and fearful I was about the future and its uncertainty. She is now going to call me every day to make sure that I am on track and do not lose sight of my main purpose (recovery).

So that is my life up until now (lunchtime) - I do not know whether i have made the right decision or not - I am terrified of life without my job and what the future may bring. Know that I have only one goal now. I hope it works out.

Thankyou for all your help. You have no idea of the change that it has sparked within me.

Pinklulu

Pink,
Good job. You should be proud of yourself. Every day should get better and better. See if you can get on some sort of disability(not sure of australian social services) or even a facility you can stay at. As you get better life will get better and I know you will have another job waiting for you.
Remember there are all these people pulling and praying for you.

Pink, I do hope you can stay in inpatient care and find a great therapist. S/he can get you through this to a healthy you. It's loads of hard work, but you are certainly capable of that. Look how hard you have worked to try to control your environment so far. This will be easier than that.