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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,313
Zebra
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Zebra
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,313 |
<img src="/images/graemlins/music.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/music.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/music.gif" alt="" /> and wild raptuous applause....!!! <img src="/images/graemlins/music.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/music.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 311
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 311 |
Way to go, Pinklulu! Hang in there - and trust the process.
Stay in touch, okay? We'd love to hear how you're doing.
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,513
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,513 |
Pink, have you spoken to your therapist today? Tell us about your treatment plan. What was the first thing s/he suggested?
Jan Goldfield
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1 |
Hi Pinklulu I had anorexia about 18 years ago, and no longer have it now. It CAN be cured, and you will feel better when you come out on the "other side!" Some of the advice already given above is excellent; I hope you will follow it. I needed to deal with some issues, my biggest one being learning how to set boundaries with other people in my life. I learned how to say "NO" and mean it. In my past I had 2 bad marriages in which the men abused me and cheated on me. NO MORE! You have to decide what you will and will not accept in your life, and follow through on your decisions. YOU make your own decisions. YOU are in control! I am now very happily married to a good Christian man, and am a nurse. I will be supporting you through prayer.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,966
Koala
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Koala
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,966 |
All the best Pinklulu <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 174
Jellyfish
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OP
Jellyfish
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 174 |
Thankyou all so much for your support. It really means a lot to me at this particular time.
I have had a very eventful day today full of appointments with my GP, Nutritionist, Therapist, etc. I will meet with them almost every day for at least the next 4-6 weeks and possibly more depending on my recovery and then if I improve, bi-weekly, weekly, fortnightly, monthly and so forth. We all met as a team a few days ago to discuss my recovery plan and will continue to meet weekly to discuss my progress. Boy, all these meetings - its crazy.
I met with the nutritionist today and him and I basically drew up a very simple plan which allows for for the addition of a small amount of calories daily. I will need to strictly adhere to it. He explained to me the complications of the refeeding syndrome, which can have quite devestating effects, which I can develop if I eat too much too soon. Not that I will. I'm struggling to eat what he has given me so far. He has also warned me that if I do not eat, I will not gain weight, and if I do not gain weight he will admit me to hospital. Another trip to the hospital really scares me at the moment. It was horrible enough being in there for a week and force fed through tubes. I do not want a repeat of that experience. I am currently 37 Kilos (which I think is about 81 pounds) and 160cm - 5'3. This time last week I was 35 Kilos. It really freaked me out to see the scales jump that much - but i need to focus on my primary goal which i am constantly being told. I need to be told and nagged several times because I am quite thick and stubborn.
My therapist started off with the very basics tody. We discussed the events leading up to my ed and how i can, not eliminate them from my life - but rather turn them around so that they can play a positive role in my life rather than a negative one. So learn from them, and remember them no more. We really only touched on that today. She has given me homework. I need to make a list of negative and positive things about myself and take that with me to my appointment tomorrow. She asked me what I wanted to achieve out of my sessions with her and I just told her that I wanted to feel normal once again and enjoy the things that I have always enjoyed. I quite like my therapist and am happy with her and am actually, surprise surprise, looking forward to meeting with her tomorrow. She seems to be genuinely caring, which is quite hard to find in todays world.
Overall, I think I am happy with todays progress. I am exhausted though! I now feel confident about my future. I understand I am a hard case because once I start to feel better I don't think I need treatment anymore. The hardest thing to do was to take that first step. Now I have people who know what I am going through and if I miss any appointments, they will be on the phone to me straight away to find out why and they will me make sure that I keep my appointment. This is part of the strategy that I discussed with my case manager yesterday.
Thankyou once again for your support. Pink.
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,513
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,513 |
Wow, you have really made giant progress. I am so glad you have found a therapist you like. That really makes all the difference. You can do it, Pink. Soldier on. You have much hard work to do, but now that you know what it is, it will be easier.
Jan Goldfield
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 311
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 311 |
woo hoo, you're doing great, Pink! Very courageous and brave, you are.
And by reaching out and sharing your journey with us on Bella, you're providing hope and courage to other women who are struggling with their own food issues.
Tyra Banks did a lovely show on body dysmorphic disorder yesterday. These women viewed themselves as "monsters" and "disgusting" - and they weren't even overweight or unattractive. One girl's mom and brother always told her she was fat, and shouldn't go out wearing particular clothes.
No matter what Tyra and the audience and even strangers on the street said about these women (positive things, like they're not fat or ugly), the women didn't believe them.
The change has to come from within.
Pinklulu, your changes are coming from the right place: from your heart, soul, and mind. Keep up the good work.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,966
Koala
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Koala
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,966 |
We discussed the events leading up to my ed and how i can, not eliminate them from my life - but rather turn them around so that they can play a positive role in my life rather than a negative one. So learn from them, and remember them no more. I like that - never really thought of it that way before. That philosophy can apply to so many situations and we can all use it. Thanks for sharing this with us Pinklulu. I'm so glad you have what sounds like a strong team to help you through this.
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 174
Jellyfish
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OP
Jellyfish
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 174 |
I hope you don't mind me continuing to post here but hopefully it may help someone so that they do not make the same stupid mistakes that i have.
Anyway - Day Two
Today is a struggle. I woke up violently ill. My whole body just ached and I felt extremely weak and as much as I tried, I just could not eat anything. The sight of it and the smell of it just made me want to be sick.
I managed to drive myself to my gp. She took one look at me and almost admitted me to hospital. I managed to talk my way out of it. Although now I am wondering whether that was a smart move or not. Somehow I don't think so. I found out the results of my bone density test today. Apparently I have the bones of a sixty year old. However, I need to remember that it is the consequence of my actions and something that I will have to deal with.
My appointment with my therapist was one big blur. I do not feel that I achieved anything today. I could not think straight. In fact, she told me to go home early and get plenty of rest and we will start back tomorrow. I somehow do not think that I will be able to make it back tomorrow.
People, don't become anorexic! It sucks.
Until Next Time
Pink
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