BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings Adult Sibling Interaction

I liked your article about adult siblings and family interaction:
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art15373.asp

I'm an adult and have a brother and sister. We share the same parents and are spread over 4 years in age so were raised in the same time period, but as adults we sure are different.

Looking back we all did differently in school and that influenced our choice of careers. If we again lived in the same house we would not have much to talk about except childhood, because we each developed into very different adults with dissimilar hobbies and lifestyles.

So, I can understand how one could feel left out.

I've come to accept them and love them as they are and not let it affect my self-esteem. Hey, we don't know the lessons another person is needing and learning, so I think that their paths are as valid as mine.

Anyone else have siblings very different from themselves?

I'm glad you have learned to accept them and move on. My situation is different because we never were close and my brother treats me with little to no respect and my parents not only allow it but when he's around take on the same attitude. The talk down to me and make me feel stupid. It takes me weeks once I'm home to get over it.

Funny thing is I'm the only one with a university degree and I still read a lot on non fiction to increase my understanding of certain subjects.

I'm not saying my family is stupid, just content with their lives and what they know. I could very well be the problem as I cannot converse on their level or share their outlook on the world.

You do know that you have it within your power to stop this behavior...simply say,"I am not allowing you to say these things to me" and leave...
No other explanation is necessary.

It will stop--at least while you are in the room and trust me they are just as nasty about whomever it is that is not there when it is not you...these are sad sad people..but you know that now don't you?

It's more complicated than what I have written. I don't really need to get into all of it here. It's best just for me to say that I know that I'm loved and that's enough. I have discussed it and done what you've said to uncomprehending ears.

My parents love me and I know somewhere deep down that lug of a brother of mine does too. I love them all very much and to rock the boat again is not worth all the aggrevation, so I accept it for what it is.

My siblings (two sisters) are 10 and 11 years older than I. We have absolutely nothing in common. They take every opportunity to attempt to belittle my triumphs and successes. I've come to the conclusion, though, that really they're a bit envious.

They were in their teen years when mom and dad were going through a rather horrific divorce. They were 11 and 12 when the mess started and 17 (and married) and 18 (and cohabitating) before the disaster was over. I spent the majority of my growing-up life in peace and harmony with mom, my grandmother and then my step-father.

Neither sib went to college--they expected someone to pay for it for them. Mom couldn't and dad wouldn't. I, on the other hand, knew better than to expect a handout and paid my own way through. Needless to say I get hassled about the degrees.

Both married the first man to come along and ask, essentially looking for another handout. Sister A is stuck with a free-loader and Sister B is now on marriage 3, relationship I don't know how many. I waited until I was established and could make it on my own before ever considering marriage. We'll have been married 10 years come April and have 2 beautiful children. They find something to nitpick about here--my husband's political preferences or whatever--every chance they get.

The list just goes on and on and on. Needless to say, I see my mom and step-father a lot (Gran is gone now); but my sibs rarely.

My mom helped me figure out long ago that there's nothing I can do to make them think any differently or see me any differently. They have to come to another way of thinking on their own or not at all. It's simply not worth the effort any more. My mom's a great supporter, thankfully.

I go with the "Lord, grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change" theory here.

Of course, ever the optimist, lightning may strike someday or h*e*l*l may freeze over. Miracles DO happen....

Amen for miracles.

I've got it good compared to you, a brother doesn't nit pick & isn't catty. As well we didn't have the other stuff your family had.

My husband's situation is a lot like yours except his brothers & sisters have a different mother. His mom is the one that took their dad away in their minds, so he got the sins of the father and such. We don't see his sibs or have much to do with, so my kids don't know the have more than one uncle and a couple of aunts. If they were closer we'd probably visit every once in a while but two live on Vancouver Island and we don't know where the other two are in Vancouver. (12-14 hours away from Calgary)

Speaking of aunts this is cute: When we were at the family cabin with my brother we got to meet his girlfriend Beverly, this one is serious. Anyway we were driving and I told my husband he better hurry up and get married and have a kid I want to be an aunty already.

From the back seat my daughter piped up and said, "you want to be an ant? and laughed and laughed."

I just met my brother 4 years ago, he was put up for adoption when I was born. We met in the prison he is at when mom & I went there and stayed with his adoptive parents. I am amazed at how well we get along, we have nothing in common other than the fact we are happy to meet and accepting of each others differences.

I always wanted a big brother growing up, he wanted a little sister. He was raised with a big sister, one who took him to show and tell and introduced him as her brother the bastard.

He wanted the mom I had, I wished I had been the one given away!

This sibling thing is very new to me, but has always fascinated me. I am glad we get along and have respect for our differences. I think I am very lucky.

Any ideas on how to bridge the gap and create closer adult sibling relationships? Maybe even forge a new friendship? <img src="/images/graemlins/easter.gif" alt="" /> or <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" />

Has anyone ever tried writing a quick email or note to their sibling telling them something they are proud of about them? Something they like about them?

Not a letter about how you feel, but just a short positive note saying something nice about the other person?

My sister and I are for the most part pretty close. NOw that she's living with me until she leaves for the air force it's been a little more difficult to get along. See, my sister is a hibitual liar and thief. I love her; but we (my whole family) learned very early on (she was about five years old when it all started) that we had to keep our things hidden or locked up. Also that you can't believe everything she says.... My brother who is only 13 and I get along great.