BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Mental Health Self-Harm

Howdy all,

I know someone who is a serious self-harmer (mostly cutting but a lot of it) and I'm no stranger to this myself, though I've never been as bad. Does anyone have any advice on helping someone/getting through it yourself? I've read all the websites that offer alternatives like snapping an elastic band on your wrist or drawing in red pen where you would normally cut but personally it's just not the same. I'm coming through my self-harm issues (well so far, I'm just about out of the woods) but I know that my friend has a lot problems (and already has proffesional help) so any advice/suggestions would be welcome. Plus, I think it's always good to share stories, makes you feel less crazy when you realise you're not alone <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hello to you as well and I'm sorry your friend is having such a difficult time with this. You're right - knowing of others who have gotten through it does help. In the facility I was working at before I had many (as patients) who had experimented with cutting. Most had scars, some even had new wounds. I found that those who were able to cope the best in being able to stop were those who 1 - stayed in treatment and made themselves accountable to someone- whether that was their psychiatrist or friend or whoever and 2- they learned new coping skills, found new hobbies- something they were passionate about that caused the reason for the cutting to become less and less as a focus. Another observation was that the older they were, the less they cut. Don't know if that answers what you need but I'm here if other questions! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi! I suffer from depression and borderline bi-polar.

I am not a cutter, but am a binger (or was before my gastric bypass surgery). While on the surface this doesn't seem like the same thing, it sort of is. It is a self destructive behavior that one uses to cope with stress, often unconciously. I know the first time I had to write down everything I had binged on - I cried. I could not believe I had managed to put that much food in my body. No wonder I always felt so sick!

I agree with CV that accountability friends are great - having someone that knows exactly what you are going through to call on is priceless. (Sorry to call up a credit card commercial).

But the thing I have found the most helpful, is to keep myself occupied enough, that I don't need the self-destructive behavior. My counseling sessions, my medications, but also replacing the negative things in my life with positives. I am writing (obviously), I teach some voice, piano, and any hobbie that happens to strike my fancy (and fits into my budget). I don't exhaust myself, but I don't sit for hours waiting for the gloom to overtake me either.

Hey bella_harmony, no I get that it's totally the same thing, personally I have a whole range of self-harm behaviours I've used and binging is on the list as well. I'm glad that you're feeling better now.

It's interesting though, although I like having someone I can go to if I do anything, I wouldn't say it's like being 'accountable' to someone. Personally when I have gone to friends who insisted I told them about anything I do (so in that sense I was accountable) it just made me uncomfortable. I know they only do it to look out for me but in the end it just makes me more likely to hide it from people, which tends to make me feel worse. I'm not arguing against having someone you are 'accountable' to, and definitely not against having someone you can go to (a god send on many occasions) but I just think it's interesting that different people have different ways of dealing.

Thanks for the advice both of you <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Treatment should be taken.

Sorry, I'm curious what kind of pill you know that will stop you self-harming; I know that both of us are on anti-depressants, I'm seeing a counsellor, she's seeing a psychiatrist - it's not as simple as saying 'get treatment' the kind of change you have to make comes from within. Sorry for being harsh, perhaps I'm not understanding what you're trying to say but it's such a misunderstood problem I get kind of defensive.

to know that you are both seaking professional help is very good and in my opinion vital for helping to get over self harm. i myself have self harmed for the better part of two years in a bad way. i struggle with it daily but have only done it like twice in the last 4-5 months - a big step when it was occuring several times a day at one point. the biggest thing in helping me stop has been my girlfriend. i have seen how hurt she gets when i do self harm and that is the biggest thing for me. whenever i am close to doing it i think of how she would feel and it usually stops me. however, you do need to stop for yourself and noone else. i think counselling is vital for tackling the deep issues which cause people to self harm, and it can also help to develop new copeing mechanisms which are much healthier. i hope i have added something to this thread. if you ever want to talkabotu it please pm me. i wish you well in your recovery. it is hard but ultimately i believe it is worth it

Use ice. It is cold and starts to hurt/burn after long usage, while it doesn't leave you with cuts and burns. You just take the ice away and after a while it's over, while cutting leaves you with lots of (ugly) trails for months on end...

Been a cutter as well for more then 1.5 yars.
I can tell you how I got over it, but being very motivated towards yourself to stop doing it and seeing that your behaviour just relieves pain and stress very temporarily is about the only thing you can do about it. No treatment is going to help in this if you don't see thoroughly what you are doing to yourself and why you do it.
Treatment helps, but it's YOU who has to decide whether you pick up something sharp and start doing it again. Not friends, family or therapists can change this...

I'm not going to tell you what my tipping point was, since it was far from pretty...
Cutting myself wasn't pretty anyway, but the final day I cut myself something went seriously wrong and that showed me really what I was doing. I never cut myself after that experience again!

my friend Was a cutter i say was because shes dead now she cut an arterie in her neck and bled to death i was a cutter as a preteen i wanted attention from my mom even with the cutting she never noticed me, do people cut for attention? i did but i can't speak for every one

Being neglected by someone is about the hardest thing somebody can do to anybody else, especially their own kids. <img src="/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />