BellaOnline Forums Food and Wine Etiquette Bad bahavior by children

Here is a situation that happened recently.

A friend of mine with a 4-year-old daughter came over for lunch the other day. I had peanut butter and jelly (and fruits) available on the table because I had made a specialty dish that although the child was welcome to try, I thought probably wouldn't care for the taste.

The child took a LARGE portion on her plate, which was about half the entire amount that I'd made. She took one bite, squinted severely and said, "Yuck, this is awful!"

My friend then asked where the garbage was so she could throw the food away.

I was mortified. Not only did the child take a very piggish portion but the mother acted as if it was a perfectly acceptable thing to do and then throw away that large portion. Meanwhile, she and I ate very small portions because of the selfishness.

I can't fault the child because of her age. She didn't know any better. But, I'm furious with the mom for even allowing her to take such a gigantic portion of something that she had no idea if she'd like! And then, she literally threw away all of it! (Couldn't the mom have eaten her portion instead?)

Talk about etiquette being a form of self-suppression....the situation really put a rift into my friendship with the woman. I can't tell her how to raise her child, but because of what she is teaching (or failing to teach) her daughter, I saw my hard efforts being put in the garbage can, and I walked away from the meal hungry.

What could I have done while the situation was happening? Hopefully, it will never happen again, but it's just too frustrating to sit by and say nothing while this child is almost being harmed, in my opinion, by not learning that her actions are highgly unacceptable.

The only thing I can think of would have been to say ahead of time (as the child was reaching for the dish)
"I'm really not sure if you'll like that, I made that for your mommy and me, and have some special treats for you."

i can't come up with a way of letting the mom know how much it upset you; unless y'all are good enough friends that you can just come out and tell her.

But I would be horrified (and have been occasionally) if my children say "yuck" about something they eat. I promptly get onto them and inform them that is not polite - it has slowly gotten through. By age 4 & 5 they should be getting the picture!

As the host, you set the tone for your meals. Little ones attending "adult meals" like to be included in the meal. So, a very easy way to handle these situations in future is to do the serving yourself. I make it a habit of offering a sampling of foods to my small visitors. If they like them, fine. I make certain I have enough prepared of every dish to insure that all guests who are invited--even the small ones--can partake. If they don't, I have an alternative dish already prepared for them (and I'll usually have visited with mom/dad ahead of time to discuss the child's food preferences).

At 4, I don't think the "yuck" response is inappropriate, however. It's much better than crossing their eyes, sticking out their tongue or spitting the food out. I wouldn't, by any means, approach the mom on this one. But, if you invite her and her child to a meal again, do ask about the child's food preferences so that child can be included OR gently cover the ground rules for children taking meals in your home.

I think in the future, I will definitely do the serving myself! (and also ask the child's preferences, although some might argue that catering to the child is encouraging spoiled behavior)

Thanks!

As the child would be your "guest," catering to her preferences wouldn't be "spoiling" anymore than catering to the food preferences of an adult guest who was also a vegan.

I fault the mom on this one. I have a four yr old. I often try to get him to try new things, but would NEVER allow him to dip his own food. I don't make 2 meals at my house, so I never assume that others are going to make food just to suit my child's taste. I couldn't name a single vegan I know personally, so it is not something that has ever come up at our house.

I respectfully disagree. Someone choosing a vegan diet and lifestyle almost always does so for health and/or moral reasons.

I really hate brussel sprouts and and lima beans. I think I'll avoid them for health and moral reasons. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ally:

Were you a guest in my home and I was aware of your total aversion to brussel sprouts and lima beans, I would make certain that other dishes were made available to you. But then, it is my habit to inform guests of the menu ahead of time and ask if there are special dietary needs or food preferences/allergies that should/need to be accommodated. This is a very old custom that I find many hostesses are overlooking these days.

But to each their own.

Wow, that would be a new experience for me! My husband is allergic to soy, so I have to mention that to anyone who invites us for dinner, but I've never been told what the menu is or what my preferences are.

I agree. Etiquette can be frustrating. Especially when you feel like you're the only one who's adhering to it.

There's not that you could have done differently, except to suggest that the mother eat the remaining portion of food that her child didn't want, which isn't the most polite thing to do.

This is just one of those times where you wish you could sit people down and give them a long lecture on good behavior that you're certain they never received.