BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality New Age Letting Go

Your article Lauren came just at the right time for me. I have just split up from someone very dear to me and am finding it very hard to "let go" even though I know deep inside we were not right for each other. It does not stop me missing him though and wishing we could have gone on forever just like we were. However, as you say, nothing can stay the same and I am trying to go with the flow. The trouble is I am trying to cope by waiting for him to ring me after the agreed couple of weeks "space" we agreed on. I want to stay friends with him as he was/is my best friend but I know I will be tempted to go back to the way we were before, if he wants it. Maybe he won't anyway as we were not going anywhere. Its all part of our learning path in life, so I know I will stop feeling so sad one day. Thanks for the article.

I remember listening to, and watching a programme on TV talking about break ups of relationships - and they completely advise no contact - a break period, - of two MONTHS, not two weeks. It's too soon...Emotions are still in a turmoil and subject to fluctuation at this time, and it's simply not fair on ones' self to re-immerse yourself into a situation you have only recently just come to terms with leaving.

Two weeks is too soon. You are still too close and vulnerable to pain.

Avoid all contact until mid-July.

Hurts, doesn't it?

But believe me, it's the only way to begin rebuilding yourself.

Hugs.

Ow Viv I know that feeling. Alexandra is right though. I had an on-off relationship for ages & we kept breaking up & meeting back up too quickly, then off we'd go again for a short while. Each time you go through the hurt & are just healing when the wound gets reopened. Same missing best friend scenario too. It is horrid, but gets easier as time goes along & if you can truly let go then there will be space for better things to come.

Are you coming to the show at the weekend? Hope to see you there.

Thank you both for your kind words. I am getting stronger every day, so think I can hold out. I won't be chasing after him again this time. Yes, Lauren, I am coming to the show at the weekend. Thanks for that.

Dear Viv, I am going through the same anguish. My partner and I split up in March, and there has been an on-going contact between us since then - due to mutual personal trauma which involved us both, and the attempt to understand what went wrong.

Now we are having a month of 'no contact' - but the thing which worries me about this, is that after a month of 'letting go' - won't a renewed contact just open up the wound all over again?

Yet, a part of me can't wait for the month to be over so I'll hear from her again. It is an 'inner conflict' between what my heart wants and what my head is telling me.

Like the song, "Breaking up is hard to do' - it is so hard when you are still very much in love with the person who has left you, especially when they have left you
for someone else, and without warning.

I just wish I could 'fall out of love' as she did, but I can't seem to be able to do that.

I am 67 years old, so there is little chance of me ever finding someone else. (and I don't really want to at my age) I know that I face a lonely future, and a part of me resents the fact that she has someone to go into the future with while I have nothing but memories - and even those have been tarnished by her lies and deceit.

So far, I have learned to forgive, and to wish her joy in her new life, but I'm still trying very hard to let go and move on. Just when I think I have succeeded, I wake up one morning and the whole reality hits me again as if it only happened yesterday.

How long ago was it that you and your partner broke up? It DOES take a lot of time you know, and apparently the first year is the worst. But OH, getting THROUGH that 'first year' is hell on wheels!

Lots of loving thoughts to you in your grief, and may you soon find the peace you are seeking.

Hi Everyone,

I really enjoyed your article Lauren. It's a timely reminder for me as there is something I want very much in my life right now that would mean a change of path for me. But the feelings for having it became so desperate that I actually started to feel depressed over it. My mom had to remind me that doors always just seem to open up for me and that the right thing will happen at the right time... It was tough to allow the idea of something better to come into my life and let go of that which I "think" I want the most.

But I know it will happen. Whatever is for my highest good and the highest good of those around me will come to fruition... so I'm working on letting go of the outcome.

Just to thank Patience for her thoughts. I hope you find peace and happiness in the future. Yes it will take a long time. I have only been away from my boyfriend for a month, but this is the first weekend we have not spoken on the phone. It is better in a way, as speaking was making me more upset since he says he found someone else less than a week after we broke up. So I know what you mean about the wounds being kept open. I don't think I believe him though as he has always exaggerated to make me jealous, but I cannot go on living like that. He keeps chopping and changing about what he wanted, so it was doing my head in. Its strange, although we had a funny relationship, it was the first "proper" one I have ever had. That makes it more difficult to leave as I was still intimate with him. I hope you are able to take things day by day Patience and I know there are good things out there for you when you are healed a little.

Patience, Viv, stay strong & have faith that something better will fill the space in your hearts. The contact thing is very hard. You want that person to be there with you, but know that seeing them would be a mistake. Time can help you heal & let go.

Patience you are not too old for new love in your life- my Nan remarried when she was older than you- so don't write off relationships on that basis! Would you really look at other people your age & think 'You are too old for love?'

Thank you Lauren,
I remained 'heart free' for 25 years before I met my ex-partner. She came into my life like a blessing, but one which was not destined to last, sadly.

It is very difficult to find someone at my age, who is also of the same sexual orientation, and 'free'. I have disabilities which prevent me from getting out very much, so I am resigned to being alone.

I will overcome this grief, as I have done in the past, but oh, it is hard right now!

Bless you for caring.

When we are at our lowest, and feel most unloved and unlovable, it seems like our whole value hinges on having another say that we are valued. Having someone to hold and to hold us is undeniably one of the lovely things in life. However, in those "heart-free" years or periods, we don't put our lives on hold! We are much too interesting people to do that! That's the time to cultivate friends, interests, all sorts of passions. Life can be filled with love, rather than be spent waiting for love. <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" /> Hugs for us all. Love Trishh