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#249638 - 05/19/06 10:57 PM How do you handle stupid infertility questions?
Julie_Holland Offline

Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 7
Loc: Utah
I would love to hear how you handle those stupid questions and comments we all get about infertility. I am not talking about the genuine but ignorant questions and comments. I am talking about the obviously mean spirited questions. Things like "Aren't you doing it right?" or "Have you thought that if your faith was stronger you'd get pregnant?"
Julie Renee Holland
Infertility Editor

#249639 - 07/25/06 06:10 PM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions?
WaterLily3422 Offline

Registered: 06/01/06
Posts: 498
Loc: U.S.A.
[color:"blue"] I hate the "relax and it'll happen." Um, I hate a tipped uterus and endometriosis. I don't think just relaxing, will help. I also hate the part when people like family or friends know your infertile, and they still hint, or bother you to produce that baby, even though the odds are stacked up against you. [/color] <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" />

#249640 - 09/10/06 10:46 AM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions?
jillrvt Offline

Registered: 08/26/06
Posts: 4
Loc: Illinois
I agree with you both. I hate it when everyone tells me if you would just relax it will happen, or you need to go on vacation and it will happen, its just not your time yet God has a plan for you and it will happen on his time, or stop trying and it will happen. AHHH! I know people mean well, and I know God is in control, but it is still bothersome for people to say that. My good friend 25 and her husband have been trying for 8 months and just conceived. I am very happy for her, but she keeps telling me it will happen take vacation etc. she doesnt know how hard it is to want a baby so badly, I cry everyday, depressed all the time, and now that she is pregnant it is so hard for me to talk about it, but I do. I always ask her questions and how is she feeling etc. My husband is very proud of me for doing this, but it is very hard for me to put on a front. We are 28 have been trying for 2 years and I know that is not a long time, but I decided I wanted a baby about 7 mo before we started trying and then my sister in law who was not married and still in college oops got pregnant, and then it made me want a baby even more because I love my nephew so much, my husband and I have been tested everything is fine, except i still am thinking about doing a lapascrope to check for endometrioisis. I ususally just reply to everyone with those stupid questions or should I say answers "I know I need to relax and just smile and then go cry somewhere. I really wish I would have not told everyone that my husband and I were trying. Although we have been together for 11 years married for 3 1/2 and people that don't know we are trying will ask us so when are you guys going to have kids. SOrry I am rambling. Again I normally smile say something nice and walk away.

#249641 - 09/11/06 10:44 PM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions?
WaterLily3422 Offline

Registered: 06/01/06
Posts: 498
Loc: U.S.A.
[color:"orange"] I found that telling some family that we were trying can be a big mistake. [/color]
If motherhood doesn't interest you, don't do it. It didn't interest me, so I didn't do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."
--Katherine Hepburn

#291408 - 02/08/07 11:15 AM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: WaterLily3422]
Fil Offline

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 1
Hello Ladies,

First of all I would like to introduce my self... My name is Fil and I am 34 years old. I was diagnosed with Polocystic Overies about 14 years ago and was told that we would not be able to have kids.. I went through the doctors cleaning my tubes and then he had told me that that was going to work and that I would be pregnant in the next couple of months ( talk about a let down) and we tried to concieve for 7 years before I found my miricle doctor.. I know exactly what you guys are feeling, man I had some duzzies when we were trying. I had someone ask me " what's your problem aren't a woman" and people laughing when you say you are having a hard time getting pregnant and rubbing in your face that all they have to do is think about sex and they get pregnant....I know all to well about getting depresses and everyone else around you getting pregnant... My sister (whom I love dearly) go married about 5 years after me came back from her honeymoon pregnant(you want to talk about knocking you off your feet) Yes I was happy for her but let me tell you I must have cried for 2 days straight. When she had my neice I went to the hospital but found that I couldn't bring my self to holding her.. I wanted to join this forum because of my experiences with infertility and thought I could help someone.. I look forward to chatting with everyone!!!!

#399441 - 03/27/08 02:15 PM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: Fil]
Sharpiegirl Offline

Registered: 03/27/08
Posts: 3
Loc: Arlington, TX
I am working in a SMALL office of about 12 women. FOUR of them are either pregnant or just had their babies so there is absolutely no getting away from the subject.
So here I am....41, wanting desperately to get pregnant, been trying for a year and I've got dumbass pregnant chick who sits behind me and has to give everyone a second by second update of her pregnancy. No...REALLY!!!! She gives everyone a second by second update of her pregnancy! The rest of the women are constantly having conversations over my head and around me about how no one over the age of 40 should have babies because that is just WAY TOO OLD!!! Then it's OH, why don't YOU have any kids or why don't YOU WANT KIDS. I'm sitting here biting my tongue the whole time. I can't just pop off and say what I want because I haven't been here very long so I just stuff the earpiece to my phone deeper in my ear and stuff tissues in the other one so I don't have to hear as much of it.
I've blown off every single baby shower that has come up. Fortunately I could use my moving to a new place as an excuse.
I just wish there was some way that you could bring it up to the supervisors without it backfiring and making me look like the bad guy.

#399855 - 03/28/08 08:54 AM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: Sharpiegirl]
Linda Hoover Offline

Registered: 03/28/08
Posts: 3
Have you tried talking to the woman ou give you the play by play? Maybe take her aside and tell her it makes you very uncomfortable. Chances are, she's just so terribly excited she thinks everyone will feel the same way and isn't thinking at all of the possibility that it could hurt anyone. In that way, you woudn't have to go to the supervisors.

People are often idiots when it comes to this. They get so wrapped up in what they are doing, they don't see anyone else. I don't think they mean harm.

#400013 - 03/28/08 12:31 PM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: Linda Hoover]
Sharpiegirl Offline

Registered: 03/27/08
Posts: 3
Loc: Arlington, TX
Great....now another one is pregnant.

#400404 - 03/29/08 01:38 PM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: Sharpiegirl]
marcia14410 Offline

Registered: 03/25/08
Posts: 6
Dear Sharpiegirl seeing that you want to have a baby so badly have you ever thought about having a donor egg and your husband sperm . Then they place the baby inside of you. If you are interested visit this site. www.renewfertility.com or email DonorTT@renewfertility.com
Hang in there
Marcia donor support

#401560 - 04/01/08 01:30 PM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: marcia14410]
Ms A Offline

Registered: 05/20/07
Posts: 655
I always hated the "I know someone who adopted, and then got pregnant" stories. Gee, and I know someone who adopted and DIDN'T get pregnant... or got pregnant and didn't adopt...

I did eventually get pregnant (technically, twice, but the second time didn't last very long), but while we were trying, I remember trying to make jokes. "Infertility means never having to say, 'Oops!'" The best, though, was when I was also dealing with some accounting problems with my HMO, and got a huge printout of all my transactions -- and there was one on there (erroneously, and immediately changed on the next line) that was a charge for Depo-Provara. My husband said, "Oh, so THAT's the problem!"

But to the original question -- Hmm, am I doing it right? Let's see, we chant naked at midnight on a full moon....

#499100 - 03/02/09 06:44 PM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: Ms A]
wingsofbeauty Offline

Registered: 02/26/09
Posts: 25
My husbands mother, keeps saying &quot;your trying to hard&quot; .. that drives me CRAZY!!!!

#500314 - 03/06/09 03:47 AM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: Ms A]
smartehis Offline

Registered: 02/26/09
Posts: 8
hello sisters, its not always easy where baby issues are concern especially when there is desperation but thank God, there is always a solution in Christ Jesus. all you need is believe in Christ and make him The Lord of your life, marriage and everything. you will have more than enough. please sisters NEVER be anxious for nothing.babies are wonder gifts from God and having them is great. if you medical help, please seek one. if not, put ALL your hope in God and you will not be disappointed. another things sisters, avoid ocassion like child naming and similar ones that cause you to cry or worry. it worsen the situation the more. I PRAY TO GOD FOR OPEN DOORS TO ALL COUPLE IN NEED OF CHILDREN NOW IN THE NAME OF JESUS. I RELEASE BOYS AND GIRLS INTO YOUR WOMBS NOW IN THE NAME OF JESUS. HELLO SISTERS, BEGIN TO RECEIVE YOURS NOW WHETHER BOY AND/OR GIRL. GIVE THEM NAMES AND SHOP BABY STUFF FOR THEM. SOONEST, YOU WILL CARRY THEM IN YOUR HANDS, AMEN. check Christena Williams ebook becoming pregnant at: www.[url=http://tinyurl.com/bplfga]bepregnant[/url]

#504371 - 03/21/09 11:32 PM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: Ms A]
Elaine A Offline

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 91
Loc: England
Hello Everyone.

I believe people have to find someway of handling the insensitive remarks. We are confronted throughout our lives by people who have little thought or understanding for the feelings of others.

I am sure sometimes comments are made out of fear or because there is pain in their own lives they are not handling well. The need to hurt people may come from inner conflict or a sheer lack of understanding of how words hurt rather than outright nastiness.

I wonder if there is one person in the office with whome you could confide in? By articulating your hurt, you may help to create an aptmoshpere of care rather than critism.
Please be strong in yourself. There are people who understand the pain and hurt you are experiencing.
Elaine - Adolescence Editor

#525935 - 06/05/09 08:52 AM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: smartehis]
Ms A Offline

Registered: 05/20/07
Posts: 655
If I were still dealing with infertility (I'm much older now, and at a different place in my life), I would have found this post rather offensive. I am an agnostic, a CANNOT "just believe" and even if I were a believer, I would not be able to believe in a deity that was so cruel as to give babies to some who abuse and kill their children, while withholding them from parents who would be loving, caring parents. God has nothing to do with it.

As an agnostic, married to an atheist, I still managed, with the help of my infertility doctor, to conceive and maintain one pregnancy, my very dear son.

I wish all who are trying to conceive, whatever your belief system, the very best, but remember -- it isn't a matter of fault, blame, action or inaction (well, okay, other than the obvious! Certain actions are kind of required.... ;-)) Even for the normal fertile population, there is only a 20% chance per cycle.

I'm pulling for you!

#530150 - 06/18/09 10:21 AM Re: How do you handle stupid infertility questions? [Re: Julie_Holland]
Stacy - Conception Offline
BellaOnline Editor

Registered: 08/20/08
Posts: 54
Loc: Charlotte, NC
Hello: I'm the conception site editor, so some of our topics overlap. I know the feeling of working with a bunch of women who are pregnant when I wished I were, and just how painful it is to listen to them. I chalked it up to immaturity on the part of a lot of those women--they never stopped to think that others may be having a rough time. I don't have a good answer for what to do except protect yourself. If you're invited to a baby shower, don't feel obligated to go! I didn't. If someone can't stop talking about her pregnancy, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom for a while. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself and your emotional health...in fact, it's essential.

There may be situations you have to avoid if people won't stop asking you about it! I always say that if people can't behave, then I won't play in their sandbox! But good luck to everybody in this painful situation.

Stacy Wiegman, Conception Editor
E-book: www.bellaonline.com/ebooks/ebook165

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