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#240507 04/01/06 09:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
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ashleyg Offline OP
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I am currently in the navy serving in italy and i had a miscarriage a little over a month ago. i thought that i would be feeling better by now and i am not emotionally i am a mess. i don't really have anyone to talk to about this so i think that is what most of my problem here is. my boyfriend won't talk about it because he says that it upsets me and he doesn't like to see me get upset like that, so tried it his way and went out with some friends for a few drinks 3 nights ago and boy did it go bad. how long am i going to feel like this???

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#240508 04/03/06 06:27 PM
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First off, I want to say I am very sorry for your loss.

I've never had a miscarriage but I did lose someone to cancer recently, and I don't think one ever gets over the loss.

The first two weeks of grieving were terrible. One thing I noticed was alcohol made me feel ten times worse, so I'm avoiding it altogether for as long as I am in the grief process. I know it will be many months before I can even think about it without getting sad.

I wish you the best of luck.


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#240509 04/06/06 10:26 AM
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Dear Ashley,
I am SO sorry for your loss. The fact that you're in the Navy serving overseas must make it more difficult because (I'm assuming) you're not around family and friends. When I miscarried, my husband's (at the time) way of 'dealing' with it was to not talk about it. He withdrew, and I think it's the only way he knew how to deal with the miscarriage, me, and all the crazy emotions I was going through. Wave after wave of emotion would surface, and it took a long time before I could stop the tears from coming. There didn't have to be a trigger- they just happened.

I'm not in a position as a doctor to advise you on the grieving process, but I have worked very closely with one. I do know there's not a 'set time' for how long you will have these feelings of sadness, and that they're painful, normal, and keeping them inside only will serve to hurt you. Even though your boyfriend thinks it's in your best interest 'not' to talk about it because he thinks it upsets you, it sounds like it upsets you more not being able to talk about your feelings. I know it did with me. Although I believe your boyfriend loves you, and he is affected by your miscarriage, too, what he deems is best for you and your grieving process isn't what counts. It's what makes YOU feel better. I wish I could be there if only for a second and give you a big hug of understanding, comfort and friendship. The women here all know what it feels like, and I'd venture to say we all care very much about you and the loss you've endured.

Thank God there are places like this for us to talk and let it out. So many times those we love try their best to understand, but when they can't, they often close the door to communicating because they're at a loss.

It'll take time, and you'll never forget your miscarriage, but there are brighter days ahead for you. One step at a time, one moment at a time. Most importantly, as a friend and one who has lived it, allow yourself to feel for your own good. If you can't talk to your boyfriend, this wonderful place is here.

God Bless and I wish you comfort.

Ellen


Peace to you and yours, Ellen DuBois

Moderated by  Christine - Miscarriage 

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