BellaOnline Forums Family Moms Your Maternal Instincts

I was with relatives this weekend, with 4 women of different generations. One of them was in a house hit by a tornado a few years ago. When it hit she went running for the cellar, and she called for the cat as she ran down.

She said that she'd always wondered if, in a real disaster, she'd think about her kids (she has 2 in college) or if she'd just blindly try to save herself, a preservation instinct. She was pleased during the tornado that she worried about the cat as she ran downstairs.

The rest of us were surprised that this would be a worry. I admit that I feel inadequate many times about the way I mother my son - I don't keep regular mealtimes, am very lax with discipline, etc. But any time there's been any sort of emergency, there's no doubt that my very first and overriding thought is of finding him and making sure he's safe. My own safety doesn't even enter into it.

Where do you fall on the scale? Are you in the "save me" category, or the "save us all" or the "save the child at all costs"?

I am lax about keeping exact mealtimes, but I am sometimes too strict with discipline, homework, chores, etc. In an emergency, (we had a flood) I am all about where is my son? Put the cat and the hamsters, fish, etc., UP, the firemen that saved us carried our 6 month old Great Dane!! They carried my son and I walked holding a rope that was stretched from the front porch to the fire truck - across the rushing creek that had once been my front yard!!!

We spent the night in the firehouse with many of our neighbors. We were the very lucky ones, the creek had already crested and only made it to the top step of our porch and never got inside the house. But I am mostly about finding everyone and getting THEM out. (I was a police officer for six years -so, I think training came into too.) The shakes, adrenalin nausea and fear came AFTER the initial emergency....for me.

Kitty

My thoughts would always be for my family first. Children, husband, then myself. It is my worst fear to have to go through that and unfortunatly I had gone through it about a year ago with a small fire. My children is all I could think of. It's hard to understand, but some parents think of themselves first and everyone else second.

I have to admit, when my relative first said she wasn't sure she'd think of the kids first, I was sort of surprised. But when you think about it, every human has a very strong survival instinct. Think, if you were a single woman in a burning house, you'd have a hugely powerful desire to get out to safety which would overwhelm thoughts of say your favorite embroidery or favorite pillowcase. You'd be in panic, you'd sense danger, you'd want to be safe.

So there's a transition from that point of view to the point of view that you have a child. And it can't be a logical sort of transition in the sense that you can think, "Oh look. A fire. OK, I am responsible for a 3 year old child. Where is that child". Instead, it's a blinding panic, of "FIRE FIRE FIRE NEED SAFETY". So the question becomes, does that need for safety *innately* (magically?) include this child, or does it simply stay with what you're conditioned to do, which is just "get to safety" period and then maybe think about things logically.

The other thing to think about is that often the best way to save others is to save yourself first so that you CAN save others. If you ignore any thought of yourself, everybody can perish. It's like what they say on every flight. If the oxygen masks fall down, put on your OWN before helping out anyone else. Otherwise, you could fall unconscious before getting the mask on the other person, never get your own on, and it's far worse.

Okay, I've noticed that my maternal instincts actually get stronger, the mroe kids I have. When I had my daughter, I just kept an eye out on her, then my son came along, and I kept an eye out... and put some baby gates up. Now I am pregnant with my third child.. and I've gone NUTS!!! baby gates, special outlet protectors, and on and on, In many ways it's good, but now I can't watch scary movies (ones that I've even seen before) if they involve any kind of harm to children ( as in children of the corn and so on). I remember when a woman had just moved in down the street, she had pulled over and asked my daughter for directions... all I saw was someone in a car talking to my baby!!! So I ran out of the house brandinshing the mop I was using, thretening bodily harm on this person lol. I would still do that if I saw a stranger talking to my babies, but a few years ago I wouldn't have been quite so.... umm... over enthusiastic?

That makes a lot of sense - you have the first one and you're building up the feelings from scratch. Then with the later ones, you already have these large versions that you've nurtured for years and you know you're getting a brand new little fragile one <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And plus now you've seen just how much trouble they can get into!

On the other hand, with the first one, when he say bloodied his nose you might have really worried. But by the time the third one starts doing it, you're like "Yeah, you're fine, grab a tissue" <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />