BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Dreams Why do I have the funky dreams?

OK, y'all can probably guess the subject of my dreams again. You know for once it would be nice to have a sexual dream and have it be good instead of a nightmare or creepy. This one falls into like every category (and Parthena, I went back and read over your articles on sexuality and intimacy - I don't know which one I fit into!)

It changes somewhat every night - but the theme is the same, a strange man chasing me trying to rape me outdoors, and then all of a sudden I'm in a shower - but the shower stall is still outdoors (weird - cleansing of past but why outdoors?), then I'm in this solitary room trying to draw something - I think it's a person because I have all these books that are trying to teach me how to draw different facial features, but the same guy is trying to get into the room with me, then we're back in the woods and running again.

(All my past running dreams have been in mazes like buildings - church, college, my house, never outside in the woods.)

The suddenly it changes to me and my husband in bed, which is not a bad thing - it is actually arousing, except I feel horribly guilty having this dream on top of the other one, and I wake up feeling wrong. I always wake up at this point; I feel guilty, and dirty, and usually quite nauseas. I feel so horrible having these dreams, and I can't get them to stop. These are worse than the rape dreams I was having before I remembered everything. Help me!

Hi Michelle!

Did you ever get any kind of closure on what happened? Sounds like you're going through a Problem/Resolve type dream. This is where your subconscious is trying to resolve the issues on it's own and either it needs resolution at some point in the dream or active conscious attempts to resolve them.

I know when I was pregnant, I had good sexual dreams and some of them were not with hubby. So, when I told him about them, thank God he didn't see any harm in them. I have a feeling that the dreams meant that I wasn't appreciated sexually by hubby because of the pregnancy. Either that or my hormones were just so out of control.

I hope you get the closure you need so the dreams will dissipate for you. :-)


Mary L.

I'm working with a therapist now - and am just starting to recover some memories that I didn't even know I had repressed. <img src="/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> (I feel so stupid saying that! It feels like I'm on some idiotic Lifetime movie or bad soap opera.) <img src="/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

She wants me to start seeing a therapist that specializes in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). It's sort of like hypno-therapy, but is done with the patient awake, so that the memories are not "thrust" on them. It has to do with certain placements of the eye and recovering memories and then being able to handle them differently. I've just started checking into it.

So right now, i'm dealing with it whether I want to or not, because the memories are coming back (like I said, bad soap opera, I know. LOL)

Michelle, please try not to feel like you're being dramatic or silly. Rape has little to do with sex. It's more about control and violence.

The dream taking place outdoors may actually indicate progress. There is more freedom and chance to escape, more openness. Did you check the trees article to see if it jogs some insight?

Tree, Trees, Forest

And, of course, remember that dreams speak in symbols and there is a chance that your dream is pointing to another conntrol issue or situation where you feel victimized or violated, so take that into consideration.

I've heard good things about that type of therapy for PTSD. Hugs, good luck, and please keep us posted. <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

Michelle,

I am not sure if I can offer you any help with this area or not, regarding the dreams, but I remember personally going into the shower and trying to use a shower brush to scrub myself clean on the 'inside' after the rapes I endured. I also believe that you are having the dreams as a means of closure. My therapist has said that when your subconcious tells your conscious that it's okay and safe to process and heal, the dreams begin to hit hard. It's our bodies way of releasing the toxic memories so that we can deal with them and progress. I believe that nature is very cleansing and healing to the soul. So, to me the fact that you are running through the woods would represent that same fact. Also, it's like someone else here said...outdoors is wide open spaces, more places to run and hide.

As for your having dreams after of being with your hubby, I don't think that's a wierd or bad thing at all. Again, I think it is possibly your subconscious telling your conscious that you are safe now. I hope this is all making sense. But, it definitely sounds like you are on a journey and crossing some bridges in your journey to healing.

As for EMDR, I highly recommend it. My children are both receiving this type of therapy for their trauma and I am currently going through that as well as Thought Field Therapy, which is helping me tremendously.

Hope this helps, email me privately if you need to, or I'm more than willing to chat here.

Take good care,
Kelli

Thanks Parthena, I checked out those articles.

The weird thing is, I don't feel safer in the woods, its worse. In my mazes; i had hidey-holes, and secret passages that I could escape through. Admittedly they weren't nice; they were usually damp and mouldy or had spider webs in them, but i could hide from the big bad. but in the woods I'm totally exposed. It's not like a dense forest, it's sparse trees - pines that are slender and all the leaves(needles rather) are way up high, so there's nothing to hide me and no way I can climb them.

just like the shower in the woods - Its completely clear and I'm nude - anyone can see me.

The other thing I noticed last night (My mind likes to repeat things till it gets its point across) is that normally in my dreams i'm my old HS size - fairly slender - I guess that's the image I still kind of have in my head (or want to have). But in this dream I'm my real size - very large, and i'm ashamed of that, too. And I remember thinking "I don't have to worry about Him now." but then i get scared and start running anyway.

I do have my gastric bypass coming up soon (hopefully- insurance is dragging heels). Do you think any of this could do with that? But if so, why my old rape scenario?

BTW Parthena - you could turn my dreams into this soap opera book of dream explanations. It might make interesting reading material. <img src="/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Although forests in dreams usually do symbolize those feelings of being lost, for some reason the openness came to me, but looks like that doesn't fit.



and that symbolizes your feelings of vulnerability. Nudity in dreams indicates a fear of or desire to reveal the true self.



<img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />Oh, honey <img src="/images/graemlins/lovers.gif" alt="" /> I don't know if you're aware that many sexually or emotionally abused women subconsciously put on weight to protect themselves from further hurt. It's like, 'if I'm fat nobody will want me anyway.' I'm sorry that you're dealing with this on top of everything else.




Absolutely. Maybe you should write a book for other survivors when you're ready, and I'd love to have your assistance with mine, if I ever get it done! I had to go back to a day job after Joe passed and while I love it, it doesn't leave time for much else, especially since bellydance found me and I want to spend all my time at The Hippie Shack!

One of the girls in our class has lost 30 pounds with dance alone, and I will tell you that the goddess size girls are the most beautiful dancers!

I started with one class a week and now do 3, plus practice at home. My instructor has a passion for the dance that has brought so much joy back into my spirit. I was falling into a very deep depression after losing Joe, and it's even helping my back pain.

These ladies are working on a documentary about what bellydance can do for self-esteem and health:

Tribal Style

You may have to download something to see the video but it's well worth it.

Michelle, as kelli said, we are here for you pubicly or privately if you need us <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

LOL Parthena! I was actually teasing about the book, I don't think my dreams would be interesting enough to make a book out of. (Unless you called it "As the Nightmare Turns" ) <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm giving thought to copying this thread over to the abuse survivors forum. one of the reasons I'm being so open about it instead of hinting around the issues is so that if other women who have been raped find themselves with similar nightmares, they'll know they aren't going crazy either.

What do you think?

"Oh, honey I don't know if you're aware that many sexually or emotionally abused women subconsciously put on weight to protect themselves from further hurt. It's like, 'if I'm fat nobody will want me anyway.' I'm sorry that you're dealing with this on top of everything else."

Thank you for posting this....I needed to hear this as well. What you said is extremely true. I lived that reality for years during the abuse.

Michelle {{{hugs}}}

I think your dreams are part of your healing process, as several other posters have said. Try something for me:

Before you go to sleep ask to be provided with a weapon in the dream so that you can turn and cut this man down to size. It might be a wand that turns him into a warty little toad, a star trek style phazer that evaporates him...you get the idea.

You may need to try this a few times, but your subconscious should pick up the idea & give you a chance to vanquish your foe. You have nothing to run from now but the fear he has sowed in you. Lets hope the healing helps & yes weight gain is a very common way for women to put up a barrier, so don't you go feeling guilty about that.