Much of what is discussed comes from the west coast. I live in VA and have a 3 and a half yr old grandson with autism. Any services have to be privately found and paid for. The school
system won't allow the IEP to have Autism Spectrum Disorder on it till the child reaches 7. We are arranging for some services through Autism Outreach here in Northern VA. My grandson attend a public preschhol with non-catagorically disable dchildre, with a special ed techer and 2 aides. The program is not helping him in any specific ways except that he enjoys the interaction of his peers. WE are looking for some advice on toilet training that we would be able to do ourselves. My husband and I, both retired at=re a constant support for our daughte and son in law, who ave 2 other little boys.

Hello everyone!
I feel like I have found a new home! I'm a single Mom of 2 sons, my youngest is 8 and is autistic and non-verbal, my oldest is 11 and has aspergers. I have been divorced since our youngest was just a few months old. My x was a unfaithful too.
I have moved 7 times between 3 states trying to get my youngest the best help possible, we have been met with limited success, but all improvements are a step in the right direction. I just feel so desperate to hear his little voice and it still breaks my heart everyday that he can't talk to me. I think I am dealing with things a little better these days.
I would love to have a new husband.... but I suppose the kind of man I would need to take this on with me are few and far between, he is out there somewhere... but just maybe not in the USA. Ha Ha.
I am so glad I found this site, finally a place I can go and talk to others who are doing this alone. I have also felt like my son is the only one who is non verbal, that is a very lonely feeling, now I know I am not alone. Thanks! Hope to hear from you all soon.

Thanks for joining the forum and posting about your family. That is a lot of moving around in a few short years, how did you decide where to go and how have your children adapted to these changes?

Personally I have never associated desperation with my family life or kids, pretty much just accepted the diagnosis and live our lives to the best we can.

I think some therapists are more pushy about my son ever talking than I am. It helps if you grew up with a sibling who is handicapped like I did and puts it all into perspective.

Welcome to the forum - there are lots of threads here you can chime in on based on your experiences. What grade is your 11 year old in, is he fully included? My son turns 12 in March.

Welcome Gramma to the forum. There are some posters that are from the east coast and some even in Canada. Is age 7 the starting age for first grade at schools in VA? That is interesting feedback about their IEP system.

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Hi Katie - Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your tips based on your own personal experiences and unique perspective.

Feel free to join in on any other threads and to start any with further information you want to pass on to parents, etc.

Yes we did move ALOT! When I say "desperate" I mean desperate for help. In Illinois, at least the area that we lived in when my son was diagnosed offers nothing. I had three mediations and a due process all in an attempt to get speech therapy, an aide etc.... the excuse for not giving my son what he needed was "If we give it to your son, we'll have to give it to everyone that comes behind him." I just wanted someone to believe in him enough to help him learn and grow. We moved a few times in Illinois due to school districts, and safety. Ultimately leaving the state because things were getting harder and harder for him and the system was not working. We moved to Wisconsin where he did receive aba for a couple of years and ultimately came to Iowa where things are going well so far.
My 11 year old is doing good. He is in 5th grade and has no special education services. His diagnosis came only2 years ago when I noticed how difficult social situations were for him and some other things just felt wrong to me, so I looked into aspergers, some things fit, so I made an appointment to get him evalutated and he was diagnosed almost immmediately. Things like handwriting, imagination, friendship, the typical social graces most of us just come by naturally, he just missees. If he is standing in line and someone bumps into him, he takes it personally even though it was clearly an accident. I could go on forever with all the things that seem minute on a one by one basis, but when all put together are very very difficult.
I feel bad for him because most people think he is just being a brat, because he is very bright, everyone thinks he should know better and he really doesn't. I am amazed at some of the things that upset him, like he won't touch coin money, flips out when he touches something sticky, obsessively collects things. I suppose when I look at my younger son and all of his problems it makes my older sons problems seem not so bad in comparison, but still he struggles and his growth and development need to be cared for too.
I also grew up with a sister with special needs. Growing up my parents forced me to take care of her alot, take her places, hang out with her, basically they babied her and expected all of us to do the same, and it kind of came expected of me that I would care for her, and take care of her. My parents weren't holding any "Parent of the Year" awards and I guess as I grew up, I became more resentful of how my family expected so much of me in regard to the care of my sister, when I was just a child. The thing is, my sister is able to care for herself, the only thing she really can't do is drive. I am quite confident that she could do that too with enough practice. She is the product of learned helplessness. Maybe I just want to make sure that I explore all options for my son, I also dread the thought of my older son feeling about his little brother as I did about my sister ya know? Sorrrryyyyy I talk way to much.
Bonnie, you mentioned your son attends feeding therapy, could you explain? My 8 year old eats only a handful of things, and I have often wondered if feeding therapy is something I should look at. Thanks!!

Age 7 is the age at which the diagnosis of autism is put into the IEP so that the district obligated to pay for the interventions that the district doesn't provide. All interventions have to be funded privately until school age, which inhibits the early intervention theories. If the individuals can't afford the early interventions they are pretty much stuck or have to move to another area where more help is available. That's just not practical for everyone.

Thanks for sharing about your sister. I wrote an article about the initial feeding therapy assessment I got for both my sons at Childrens Hospital in Los Angeles.

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It sure is an eye opener on what other states laws are relating to school. Based on what you have stated I would have moved to another state long ago. Here in CA we have the regional center system so I am glad we are here. I am from NJ and thought about going back there since I had heard the services there were good, but not going to do that.

We were living in Florida when Matthew was born and I am glad that we left there after 6 months because from my readings over the years that is the worse state to be in.

I know that in some states there are various organizations that pay for therapies. For example Easter Seals, Kiwanis Club, ARC, YMCA, Cathoic Charities, Salvation Army and similar type of places.

I would think that the Virginia autism society chapters would be working with the Dept of ED within the state to change the options for services for families.

I am going to research this further and if I can find enough information write an article on it to let others know how different states are from one another.

Good luck

Hi Bonnie,

Im Donna a single parent to 2 children. My daughter Jiquara 12 and son, Jadm 9 years old. Jadm is on the lower end of the spectrum limited verbally, anxiety issues and impulsive. Making good strides with his pecs and teacch at school and home.

Can i just ask a question. I have just received Jadm's iep and areas of concerned abbreviated was F.O.T. would anyone know what this means? Thanks.

Look forward to chatting to the parents here!


mumofjj