BellaOnline Forums Family Christian Living Wives Submit to Your Husbands - Yikes

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First read my article.
Submit to Your Husband

How do you feel about it?

In Poland we have a saying: " man is the head of the family, woman is the neck which turns the head."

I think it very reasonable and it makes a happy marriage. If a wife is smart, she shows reverence to her husband, making him proud of himself, but at the same time she discreetly directs him to manly proceed on the path of life.

Hi Jerzy,
I couldn't agree with you more! Submitting to a husband doesn't mean that the wife doesn't have alot of power.

I used to be one of those women who snorted and then rolled her eyes at the idea of submitting to a man (as if!!)

I spent my childhood watching my mom lead the family...she gave all the orders, and made all the decisions. if we had a problem, we went to mom, not dad.

So when I grew up I had NO respect for men whatsoever!! I was inherently decided that women were the ultimate beings...after all, God had to make us after he messed up with the men...lol <img src="/images/graemlins/kiss.gif" alt="" />

Soooo...after two failed marriages and my third standing on rocky ground, I had to discover what I was doing wrong...(because most of the time in every failed marriage, just as there are two sides to the story, so are there two sides to the blame). I had a son and I noticed that when I looked at him, I saw someone I loved completely, without prejudice, Then God spoke to my heart and I turned those same loving eyes to my husband...it made all the difference. To look at my husband like he is as much of a gift from the Father as my children are, if not more, changed our marriage. <img src="/images/graemlins/lovers.gif" alt="" />

I talk about Submissiveness and give a few examples of how to begin to show that kind of reverence and respect in my ebook, Seven Principals of Godly Wives...it's principal #5
You can access it here:
http://www.bellaonline.com/ebooks/ebook92

By the way, I'm getting ready to put up my article on Mary Magdalene...be ready for some fire!!!! It's going to be a doosey!! I have some very distinct theories on who she was and what she means for women today!

Here is an excert from Godly Wives:

"Now, I know. I can hear you already� A lot of us have been raised to think that women are superior to men. You know the old adage, �God realized he had made a few mistakes, so he created woman to point them out to men for all time.� First of all, God doesn�t make mistakes. Everyone and everything God created is perfect in it�s own way. So are our husbands, believe it or not. God has instilled in them something that completes the picture for us. It is up to us to find out what that is and to focus on that one thing."

I always find this subject interesting. I am more pagen in practice. A dear friend of mine is Jehovah Witness. I studied with them, I find their study books so fascinating. She explained it so well and so simply. The husband is the head of the house and has the final say. A good husband will ask his wife for guidence and listen to what she has to say and make his decision on what is best for all and not because it is him against her.

A bad husband may not follow this however.

My husband and I live simply. He is an old "Catholic" boy and I am a "heathen". We discuss everything and come to the best conclusion together. I cannot remember a time when we disagreed and somebody had to "pull rank". I think this is what is meant.

Maybe like a jury foreman? LOL, silly but that it was comes to mind. A speaker for the majority. If 2 people love each other, compromise can be found. If it cannot, then something else needs to be looked at.

It is not complicated I don't think, KISS method works all around, Keep It Simple Silly (I don't like the word stupid so I use silly).

AM~

Very well said. Thank you.

For some reason, I cannot get the article to load. I think that there needs to be two sides addressed in this issue. One, the Bible does INDEED instruct wives to submit to their husbands. It does provide for a "organizational chart" so to speak as being, God, man, and then woman. There is no denying that and we must respect it.

The other side to this that I think is seldom if ever explored is the very real scenerio in this country (and maybe others) as to what to do when the man refuses to lead. You cannot be lead by one who won't lead. (Try saying that three times fast.. smile). So while the woman has a responsibility to follow a man's directive, the man has an equal, and perhaps even greater responsibility to step up to the plate and be the Godly head of the household. I don't know too many men who really do that. Even the Christian men. I see a lot of men who either interpret the Bible to mean "It's my way or the highway" (and his way is not usually in line with God's directives in many cases) or they simply do nothing and by passiveness force the woman to make the decisions.

So I would be curious to hear comments on what to do in those instances where a man does not lead his household. Do you sit back and let your family go to heck in a hand basket? Do you stand up and make some decisions? I don't think it is a case that the men don't want to lead...I truly think they have no clue HOW. Churches have failed in their mission to teach young men to lead Godly homes and many do not have positive examples at home in front of them as to how to do it. I STILL think they have an example if they would follow it through the WORD, but many don't' know how to apply the principles in the word to their day to day life.

In my own case, we are a Christian family. I do believe in my husband having the final say, but I can tell you he relies on me HEAVILY for advice. My child knows this. I cannot help that he knows this...it is evident. I do practice that I cannot go against my husband once he makes a decision. I figure it this way.. my husband CHOOSES for me to have a great deal of decision making power in our marriage... he PREFERS it that way. I cannot go against that so long as this is what he wants. He leaves a LOT of details to me so I have to make the decisions in those areas. I am not in violation of submission because in our case, submitting to my husband's will includes my making many decisions because that is what he wants.

Comments? -Jenny.

And the interesting thing Jenny - and for those of you who do give a lot of imput - but allow the husband to make the final (somebody has too!) - decision - ... if it's a wrong decision - you are A-OK either way, because you gave your advice, your best shot, as you were asked - and whether he goes with the advice or another way - you are A-OK because you submitted. In God's eyes, you did the right thing..........and, if your husband is a smart husband, you have given plenty of advice so "you feel good about having given your best" = SOOOO, WHICH EVER WAY IT GOES, YOU AS WIFE, ARE RIGHT - DECISION MAY BE WRONG - BUT YOU ARE RIGHT!

As for husband - oh baby, ....does he have MORE to worry about - he is accountable DDIRECTLY to God! If he got good advice from you - if he didn't give some really careful thought and prayer to his decision..........husband is the one who is wrong....especially if he's abusive or misuses his authority. Hopefully, he didn't make a decision in spite of your good counsel.

WORD OF CAUTION HERE: WHEN EVER SOMEONE QUOTES THIS PASSAGE FROM SCRIPTURE - YOU MUST READ THE REMAINDER.........IT'S CRITICAL!!
HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES......THIS MEANS, HUSBANDS ARE TO LOVE THEIR WIVES AS JESUS LOVED HIS CHURCH AND HIS PEOPLE..................AND WHAT DID JESUS DO EXACTLY, ... HE GAVE HIS LIFE FOR HIS CHURCH AND PEOPLE........THAT SURE DOESN'T SOUND LIKE AN ABUSIVE HUSBAND OR A "USER."

YOU NEED TO LOOK AT WHAT LOVE MEANS TO ALMIGHTY GOD AND WHAT LOVE MEANT TO JESUS WHEN HE WALKED THIS EARTH.

THE WHOLE QUOTE FROM BIBLE MUST BE TAKEN IN IT'S TOTALITY!

I WAS REALLY TOUCHED READING OVER THE PREVIOUS COMMENTS, ESPECIALLY THE "SMILE" - AND NOW THE RESULTS THIS GET'S FROM SON AND HUSBAND. THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT JUST LOOKING INTO JESUS' EYES, THE EYES OF LOVE - AND YOU CAN FEEL THIS LOVE POURING OUT FROM HIM. IMAGINE, IF WE EACH HAD JUST A LITTLE OF THAT OUTPOURING - IF WE WORKED JUST A LITTLE HARDER TO BE MORE LIKE JESUS LOVE........HOW MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE WE'D BE.

GOD BLESS

lily

Wow Jenny and Lily, great comments. It is so true that if we are doing right in God's eyes, it doesn't matter if the decision we go along with is wrong. And I do believe that a godly husband discusses things with his wife and takes her input into account.

For the many women with husbands who are not fulfilling the duty as the spiritual head of the home, remember that God is working thru you and prayer works. Sometimes, giving up power to empower your husband causes amazing changes.

Ladies.....I am Richard...husband of lily - above.

She was sharing with me your thoughts....

As husband - lover - provider - married to lily (she being AA sober now for over 15 years) .....for 48 years, having ten children and 25 grandchildren - working three jobs to support family - and probably suffering the physical consequences of all this over the last 50 years, ... I would offer the following:

love between a man and a woman, within a committed marraige relationship (very important!), should be like Christ's love for the Church. Soon after the honeymoon (and sometimes before!)....one realize a menacing and very real crown of thorns in our lives, relationships, ego's & prides, and after 68 years on this earth - I finally see more clearly Christ's passion and how much pain Jesus suffered for us and our marriages.

Unfortunatley ladies - I must confess, that our young men today, afraid of commitment, just don't get it! They don't either "want to - or don't realize" - that a man is supposed to love his wife (and furture wife while dating!) as much as Christ loved the church.

On the other hand, ... with the sexual promiscuity available today with our young women - the direction that women are headed in terms of identity.......it's difficult for young men to find a woman or girlfriend in the image of how God created woman.

As a man, I can humbly say - there is no "contest" comparing a man to a woman - .....when we talk about true love, the heart of the family, the "neck that turns the head (men) of the family, bringing children into the world and caring and teaching them as only a woman can, there just isn't any comparison. Woman is way out front!!The problem is, woman today, have lost most of that identity, or have chosen what they feel is the "better way" and they have become a play thing men use for pleasure not the blessed creatures God created then to be.

Please excuse and forgive - if I'm stepping on toes here - I didn't mean to interfere......but the subject seemed to "beg a male answer" - and I'm kind of speaking from the old school.

God Bless

Richard