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What is your experience with a commitment-phobic/passive-agressive partner. What are the signs? Do they ever change or is it better just to walk away?

[color:"purple"]well, no one changes unless they want to. and before they can want to change, they need to realize AND accept the fact that they have an issue/problem.


that said, what is happening to make you think this person is commitment-phobic and/or passive/aggressive? [/color]

We have dated for a year. When we weren't working, we were together constantly, at his request. In the beginning he pursued me and was the most courteous, respectful person I had ever met. He treated me like a queen. As our relationship grew, he would become distant at times. He would push me away, only to pull me back in like nothing had happened. He absolutely refused to talk about our relationship, yet made plans for "our" future together. We finally got to the point of moving in together, at his request, and then he really pushed me away. He became critical and treated me in a way that made it impossible for me to continue to see him. No arguments, he just bailed. I still don't understand.

[color:"purple"]he's obviously got some issues.

any relationship should be based on openness, honesty and respect. if he is unable to be open & honest about how he feels and if he doesn't treat you with respect, then you're better off without him.

actually, from what you've said, it kinda sounds like the beginning of a controlling and/or abusive situtation. you're better off moving on!!! [/color]

I agree... it sounds like you are sensing bad things to come and I have learned that it is always best to trust your instinct. The fact that you have to ask just proves that there are problems. I think you need to confront him about these issues and either work through them with him or just move on.

Amen! Try reading "He's Just not that Into You." I haven't read it, but have read reviews & caught some of Oprah! yesterday and the author was on there. There's some great info about how men work in the book!

Basically, I tell everyone that if you're thinking of settling down with someone (either living with or marrying), imagine that all your future days are like your worst day with him--do you want that? Because none of us get better under the day-to-day microscope --all our flaws show themselves! And, in my humble opinion based on my own experience, men get worse because they've finally "won" us and their job is done.

You already know the answer you seek--we always do on some level. Move on. Use the time now to learn about & love yourself and discover what you want/need in a life partner. I promise there's someone out there--as I read in a book once "They're making them everyday--get another one!"

I spent too much of my life "trying to love a loser" and it's like trying to roll yourself up a hill. Let him go and you'll free yourself.

Good luck!