BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality New Age The Nature of Love

Hi all,

My husband and I watched an incredible movie last night called [url=BellaOnline ALERT: For anti-spam reasons, we restrict the number of URLs allowed in a given post. You have exceeded our maximum number of URLs.

I, personally am a giver, little things, big things, shirt off my back, last dollar in my wallet...my boyfriend is a physical cuddle bug, always holding my hand, rubbing my shoulder, arm wrapped round me etc (and I will NEVER complain haha). My Mom and boss both are verbal affirmation people.

As for thoughts on 'light and love' when I hear that I think of light as white light from creator, and the love being not so much an action or what have you not but a force, something you can feel, like warm sun on your back while sitting in a window. An intangible sense that you just know. A sacred feeling of calm serenity, "home" if you will. Something so beautiful it makes you cry.

Now for the sloppy agape, my father was a victim of that being an only child after several miscarriages to a woman in her late 30's and a male child to boot. His mother's reckless abandon of catering to him and my mother being a young bride of the early 60's willing to follow suit because it was 'right' has made him self centered & my mom a bitter shell. But that is all a thesis in and of itself.

I have witnessed other versions of sloppy agape time and again. I agree with the unconditional love tactic. But you should love someone unconditionally despite their flaws, not for their flaws, its a way of forgiveness not an excuse. Its like a hope that they too will find their own true happiness. I believe that someone who feels that they must verbally/physically/mentally berate someone else is missing something in their own psyche, a lack of love of some kind. Akin to the phrase' bad press is good press' negative attention is still attention. Excuse the simile, but its like training a dog, feed it with love and good attention and you'll have a loving friend for life. Feed it anger and harsh discipline and you have a pet that is scarred and unpredictable.

Thats my piece.
x0x Wendy

PS - I got a 100 on that quiz...but I wasn't signed in =\

I think I've been on empty for a long time because I've read other things about this book, and even went to a seminar about it at work, and I can't figure out what I am. I like to give gifts and do things for people a lot but then with my daughter I'm a hugger and I do words of affirmation with people too. So I have no clue. LOL

I think it's the action that counts too. I've had too many relationships where someone insisted they loved me while they treated me like [censored]. So I don't trust words and I don't have ESP, I can't read what people's intentions might be. People's intentions are often very muddy and mixed up anyway. Behavior shows love or lack of it more clearly than anything else.

As for sloppy agape - unconditional love applies to the self too. If I have agape for myself I know that I'm as worthwhile as everyone else and I won't suffer abusive relationships because I value myself. I will accept those people as they are and be able to do whatever's needed with a spirit of compassion, honesty and forgiveness.

I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the first time last night. Jim Carrey's performance really touched me. There's sort of a Taoist sentiment at the end, where they both realize they're going to drive each other nuts in some ways and it will make them want to reject each other, but then they just say, OK, it is what it is, let's just enjoy it as long as it lasts. There were a few scenes that just took my breath away not because they were spectacular but because they showed how much love there can be in ordinary moments of life.

Wendy, thanks for sharing your thoughts, and personal experience, about love. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi mtnmermaid,

Sorry to hear you've been on empty. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I certainly agree that actions speak louder than words. The tricky thing is that we often interpret behavior through our own distorted filters--which is why "tough love" (for example) may irritate and anger an individual who is used to being enabled or coddled.

I really loved Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The personality of those two is a lot like my husband and myself, actually. We were floored at the parallels. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As far as determining your Love Language/s, here's something that may help: In the past, what has hurt you the most in life when it comes to people? While exploring this question can be painful, it can hold vital clues to our primary love language. For example, if the cruel words of a parent hurt the most, it could indicate that Words of Affirmation is a primary language. Or, if it was the physical beatings of a parent that offended and hurt the most, Physical Touch may be the primary language.

Does that help?