I thought it might be a good idea if we briefly stated our situation in regards to being single parents.

I am a single parent through divorce and have been since I was three months pregnant with my second child. My ex maintained semi-regular visitation with my children for about two years and then all contact ceased. He has chosen not to be part of their lives for the past twelve years.

I am sure that we have a variety of situation which have led to us being single parents and it would be helpful in future conversations to better understand your situations. So, if you feel like it, please share your single parent situation, too.

And remember - single parents are the strongest parents in the world!

i am a single parent by having sex and not using any protection--ill probaly get alot of slack by saying that. anway it was my CHOICE not to make it work with his dad. i live with my mom,son and sister. parents are divorced, so in a way it i look at things differntly. thanx 4 getting back to me and letting me vent. his dad did see him--finally--on thursday. its hard going thru a divorce to where u are a single parent. yes daddy paid child support and had visitations but its the mom who really raised us,u know? how old r ur kids now?

Mom doesn't raise the kids in all cases. I know several cases where mom walked out or lost custody due to neglect. I have even seen cases also where mom gets custody even though the child is way better off with dad because the courts too often side with mom. If you ask me a father is more important to a kids psychological well being than a mother.

You are right - single fathers are more often getting the chance to raise their children and many times this is a good thing. However, I honestly don't know that either parent is "more beneficial" to the child than the other. The most important aspects of being a parent is the acceptance of responsibility, the ability to express love, and the wisdom to teach children how to be healthy, happy, productive individuals. This includes instilling self-esteem, valuing self-respect, and teaching responsible behavior. A GOOD mother or father can accomplish this job.

Whether the single parent be mother or father, the task is never easy. A single parent needs all the support they can get!

Cynthia Parker
Host, Single Parents

No point in giving flack for what is in the past and cannot be undone. The important thing is to move forward with the best interest of the child in mind.

my husband and i recently seperated after nearly 18 years of marriage, and 20 years together. i've always felt like a single parent in that he was never, ever, available to us emotionaly, or financially (he has an aversion to work). and to be honest, his living some where else is not much different than what we had before, accept we dont have to walk around on egg shells around dad so he doesnt roll into one of his juvinile tirades (although he was never physically abusive to any of us, thank God, mental and emotional abuse and neglect are just as devestating, and do just as much damage), and we don't have to watch him drink himself stupid while playing on the computer every night.
we havent discussed divorce yet, but i feel its just a matter of time. i will NO LONGER live with a person whom i do not feel values me, i will NO LONGER live with less than i think i deserve, to try and make some one else happy. i've waisted most of my life, trying to make some one else happy. well, anyway...that's how i became a single parent. being alone takes getting used to, sometimes i still cry at night. but all in all, i'm much happier, and so are my kids. their dad is now working, started a roofing business, lives alone, stopped drinking, and is flourishing. i'm very happy for him, i want him to be happy, and i want my kids to be happy. but as far as i'm concerned our marriage is over. i spent 20 years waiting for him to "come around", no more waiting. i'd rather be alone than spend the next 20 or 30 years with out what i need from a relationship. **whew** !

My situation is through divorce. We split up when my now 10 year old was 7 months old and I found out I was pregnant. We had only been in Orlando for 6 months when we headed back to NJ where I dropped him off at the Newark Airport to come back to CA. I stayed at my parents for a few months until my income tax refund and drove back to CA 7 months pregnant.

The divorce was final a few years ago after the Custody Evaluation to make sure he only gets supervised visitation since he has Paranoid Schizophrenia and the two boys have autism. They have not seen him in over two years and sometimes he forgets he has kids. He cannot see kids until he attends therapy to learn about autism with a professional working with him on weekly sessions with the boys and he needs a note from a Dr saying he is under their care and on medication. Lastly he has to pay the supervised fee and the monitoring is in my home. Two years ago the cost was $75.00 per week for special needs and if he did not show I still had to pay.

Making that first step, especially after so many years in a relationship, is very hard - but you are doing the right thing. I don't care how many people say that couples should stay together "for the sake of the child", I just don't agree. A child KNOWS when mom and/or dad are miserable and they are miserable right alone with them.

No one deserves to walk around on eggshells and no one deserves to live in a relationship where their needs are not being fulfilled. Not to mention, yes, emotional and mental abuse are every bit as devestating as physcial abuse AND they take much longer to heal.

It is lonely at first, but you are going to make new friends, find new hobbies, and fill up that time with people and activities that make your life worthwhile.

You and your child are going to flourish and your life is going to take on a new direction that is going to be rewarding!!!

Bonnie -

You do have some challenges ahead of you!

It is going to be difficult to deal with all of the special considerations of Schizophrenia and autism, but you sound like a very determined mother, so stand firm and know that you are doing what is best for your children.

Any time you want to vent or need a shoulder, please stop by the Bella Single Parents site or email me at [email]SingleParents@bellaonline.com.[/email] I will always listen and will help in any way I can.

i'm a single parent because my son's dad basically left me for another woman..who he now has two children by....he has a drug problem and he wasnt willing to give up the drugs and i wouldnt accept it and the other woman did...now he hasnt been in our lives since my son turned two..and now he is four, i get no child support, or acknowledgement from him by letters or birthday cards, or even christmas presents for my son..but i think we are better off.