BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce When is enough, enough?

I think enough is enough when you have to ask that question.

I agree with that one 100%.

I feel your pain, I suffered for a long time asking myself the same question. First of all, it is a question that can only be answered by you. I had a moment of clarity, as I am sure most women do when contemplating divorce. I woke up one morning and understood that it was my life and I have the right to demand anything I want from it. I had the right to live my dreams and be happy. Anyone who would keep me from those things, was not someone that truly cared about me. From then on for me it was easy to take the final step. I wish you the best of luck, and God Bless!

Enough is enough if there is infidelity or abuse. Short of that you should try to work it out.

I can help with the PA Questions.....

Both of you legally are allowed to live in the house all the way up to the day of the divorce, if neither of you move out. If he/she leaves and you are at home, it is considered abandonment, you are considered the responsible party for the house, which includes the mortgage, all bills from the date he moved out.

He/she is responsible to pay half of the expenses from any debt incurred prior to moving out. You cannot change the locks on the house until a certain amount of time. This is a very sticky point for a lot of people because they fear the spouse will come back and clean them out when they aren't there. I suggest taking pictures and an inventory of all items that are jointly owned and collected during the marriage. He/She is entitled to come back and get their own possessions they had prior to the marriage, clothes, books, furniture, etc...

Now, if he/she decides he/she would like to come home, you cannot legally stop him/her from moving back in, unless abuse is involved, if that is the case, I suggest calling a domestic abuse center for assistance, but you can talk to him/her about setting some ground rules. Whatever you do, do not have intimate relations with him/her when they come back. This can be used in court as a sign of forgiveness of the other spouse.

During the seperation stay faithful to your vows, do not go looking for a good time, you are still married and legally, it would be considered adultry. If he/she does it and you catch them, then you have improved your case for divorce and you wouldn't want them around anyway.

I believe most lawyers would suggest if he/she has moved out for an extended period of time, six months, then you can change the locks. Ask he/she to call you before they come over to the house just as a heads up and courtesy. If they start just showing up at random times, you really cannot do much about it, but you can write them an e-mail explaining how you would like the situation to be handled and that you are uncomfortable with the way it is being handled right now. This is the important part, write it in an e-mail or a letter, not on the phone. This is important for documentation purposes. Cover yourself at all times and be sure to be one step ahead of the other spouse during this time.

If you begin to see money is coming out of your joint account in a ridiculous amount, call him/her on it, ask them to stop the transaction, then open your own personal account, take exactly half of the money, send the spouse an e-mail stating what you have done and why you have done it. This will cause them to be uneasy, but you are just protecting yourself, especially, if you are responsible for the home, money might become tight.

Lastly, take care of yourself. Eat, exercise, pick up some extracurricular activities. When he/she calls, don't call them right back or don't even pick up the phone. If they are demanding to know what you are doing keep them guessing. It will drive them nuts and they will begin to realize you have accepted the situation and you are moving on with your life. This is not to say, you are moving away from the relationship, but when someone leaves, it is typically because they have lost something in themselves and are blaming the relationship for it. Sometimes it is the relationship and sometimes it is not. This will give the spouse time to either come to terms with the truth about themselves or bottle it up and move on.

This is a very hard time for you and I'm going through it right now and from a male point of view. It sounds like he needs to go to individual counseling and accept your decision about the marriage. Some people just are never ready to let go.

Wish i knew the answer to THAT one. no kids here, but things happening due to his past taht it seems i can't control. Things he needs to seek counseling for. and is willing to, but with medical problems and military traveling its been a when problem.
So what does one do when they're numb and confused.
same situation due to a workmans comp injury and really don't know what i'd do if i had to find a job.
Rebecca <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

oh my,. how prophetic you are. thank You
Rebecca

I have been divorced 3 times and am married again (this time for 11 years). We have a very happy marriage. We have had our share of ups and downs, but that is the way life is. I don't believe in staying together for the sake of kids. If you are fighting and being ugly to each other what is that teaching your kids? They will think that is normal and the way life is supposed to be.

When you have had enough & feel it is time to move on & there is no love left in your marriage then move on as you will only regret it in future life, when you do finally make the choice to go, you will always look back & wish you had of done it sooner.

The thing that finally decided me, was a pair of questions.

What if it were my daughter in this relationship - what would I want her to do?

Knowing that, what do I need to do to set a good example for my daughter?

Julie