BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce When is enough, enough?

When you can't breathe anymore....then you step out of the relationship and take that first breath....remember the movie "Waiting to Exhale"? that was the basis of the movie....

Use the same metaphore for yourself...are you feeling strangled in his presence?..even just sitting in the same room? then it's time to move somewhere where you can breathe again...

OH BOY. Where do I start. *SIGH* I'm 39, been married for 12 years, no kids. About 2 years after we got married, I was coming to realize that hubby and I had little in common. I felt more like a maid and a roommate than his wife. We never ate dinner together, never had conversations, intimacy was a joke, no affection, nothing. The list goes on and on. I had several talks with him and really tried hard to make the marriage work but I got tired of towing the line. Well, in August 2004 I handed him divorce papers and told him I wanted a divorce. It's now November 2005 and we are still lingering in the same house together, in separate bedrooms. Hubby has mild depression and ADHD. Can anyone give me any advice on how to get this ball rolling? I may sound stupid but I've tried everything. He just won't acknowledge the fact. Won't discuss division of assets, nothing. Avoids me like the plague. I know what has to be done but I can't be the only party doing anything about it. Gee, this sounds like the marriage!

divorce resource - Pennsylvania

Here's a good place to start. Check out your divorce laws. I would say move out and shock him, but in some states he could sue you for "abandonement". In some state you can change the locks while he is at work and leave his stuff outside; forcing him to move out, but some states consider that illegal (and it tends to make the situation very ugly very fast.

It may come down to you turning to a lawyer. Once the court system is involved, he has no choice but to respond, or be held in comtempt of court.

You might be able to file for divorce by yourself, but you cannot use "no contest" as a means if you do that, you'll have to have a reason.

My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage. I was 15 at the time. They were unhappy and miserable for so long. It was as if we were all living a lie.

Their divorce was devasting on me. But it was SO much better than living with two angry, bitter people.

Enough is enough when the bad times out number the good times. :-(

Anyone ever see "The Mexican", with Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts?

"When two people love each other, truly love each other, when do you know that enough is enough?"

"Never"

But unfortunately true love is something mystical that's only portrayed in movies. My Divorce finalized last month, and i'm actually doing much better without the Husband. Plenty of fish in the sea, and he's merely an anchovie.

In my case enough was enough long before I left and started my divorce, 16 yrs of alcoholism and lies. If I have any advise it is don't wait long after you ask the question, "Is enough, enough. If you have to ask the question, you know the answer. Change even positive change is scary, but it is worth the peace of mind and happiness in the end. I come home now to peace and tranquility, not chaos and lies.

I have been divorced three times. I could certainly tell you some stories.

I'm only 27, but still unmarried. I'm available ladies if you fancy an action-hero-stud* type (but intellectual too)! Not that I'm desperate, or view porn** on the interweb, and I'm not lying. I like to think that love exists, not that I've ever...oh forget all that. Yes, love, is all you need, as the rolling stones once said. Divorced three times you say? You're a bit of a stud too. Lucky guy, well, not lucky about the divorce bit...but nice to have loved rather than not loved at all so they tell me! God (sorry) it's cold here today!

*Hunk
**Naked birds

Believe me, divorce is no fun and usually the adults involved are so wrapped up in their business that they don't realize until later how badly the children hurt. You show me someone who's been divorced and I'll show you someone who has regrets.