BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce When is enough, enough?

I'm tettering on the verge of the big "D", and I wondered, how do you know when it is finally time to throw in the towel?

I feel like I've wasted years of my life, but I don't think that is enough of a reason, considering we have children together. How do you know when you and your children would be better off in a divorced family, than living all together under one gloomy roof?

Thanks!!!
~K.

I think if there is abuse going on, it is time to get out.

I also think a peaceful life, even if in a new situation of reduced means, is worth it.

Been there, done that ...

Susan

I am in the same situation. My problem is that abuse can happen at different levels. I have had ongoing issues with my husband for 7 years now that have never been resolved. Still, those issues do not involve violence, adultury, or drug/alcohol use. They are issues of responsibility with our home life, like bills and home care. I am struggling because I don't know if these should be reason enough to leave.

I guess you never really know for sure, but I have known plenty of friends who dealt with hard divorces. Though it can seem tough, almost impossible at times, it is always better for kids to have two happy independent parents, than one unhappy marriage.

I think being divorced can bring challenges, but are those a worse decision than daily pain and unhappiness?

Think about.. if you were Divorced.... Could you look back at your marriage and know absolutely that you tried your very hardest to save the marriage. If you have tried all that you can, sought help, read articles, and assumed responsibility where warranted..... then you are done.

>>How do you know when you and your children would be better off in a divorced family, than living all together under one gloomy roof?

Thanks!!!
~K.

I think if you are asking this question, you know in your heart it is time to move on.

I am in the same boat. My husband lied to me about so many things and I believed them all. Now, with 19 month old twins, I'm depressed and don't know what to do. I have no income and my husband controls all the finances. Is there even a way out for me and my boys? I don't love my husband....don't even feel like I know him. Luckily he travels for work a lot and is not here. But, then I just get lonlier. When he is home, all we do is argue and stress eachother out. Anyone out there with any suggestions?? I feel like I'm just stuck with nowhere to go.

The way I finally decided was to do a pro's/con's list. I listed all the things that were good and beneficial on one side and the bad and negitive stuff on the other. A few things to keep in mind...

You cannot keep a relationship going by yourself.
A marriage will not work 'for the kids'.
You cannot make the other person change...

You MUST be sure that you have tried everything before you will feel ready to go on. Divorce is not easy; it is not fun. When your relationship is truly over, it is a relief and a good thing, however. You will know when it is truly over. In your heart, you WILL know.

When you have to ask that question then it must be time to go. Life is too short. There are many means of help out there. Church, family, shelters. You must decide but don't let anyone make you a prisoner of yourself including you. The first step is always the hardest, but once you make it you will be amazed at how quickly you cover ground. Also, do you think a child with parents is any happier knowing or whitnessing abuse or arguing than one of divorced parents.