A good friend sent this to me via e-mail. It described two of my cats perfectly. The other one is still figuring out what to do with us humans. (Although she slept with me this afternoon for the first time ever - two years.)
Read through this and tell me if it describes your cats. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
RULES FOR CATS
>
> BATHROOMS:
> Always accompany humans to the bathroom. It is not necessary to
> do anything. Just be there and maybe stare.
>
> DOORS:
> Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand
> on hind legs and hammer with forepaws.
>
> Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have
> ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and
> think about several things. This is particularly important during
> very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.
>
> CHAIRS AND RUGS:
> If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage
>
> in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is
>
> good.
> When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as
> long as a humans bare foot.
>
> HAMPERING:
> If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is
> idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise
> known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"
>
> 1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.
>
> You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped
> on and then picked up and comforted.
>
> 2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and
> book,unless you can lie across the book itself.
>
> 3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner
> so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to
doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
>
> 4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to
jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.
>
> 5) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across
keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in
> human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.
>
> WALKING:
> As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front
> of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in
> their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning.
> This will help their coordination skills.
>
> BEDTIME:
> Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.
>
> LITTER BOX:
> When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box
as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.
>
> HIDING:
> Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do
not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.
>
>
> This will cause the humans to panic, ( which they love ), thinking that
you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover
you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
>
> ONE LAST THOUGHT:
> Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn
around, and present your butt to them.
> Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests!
