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#150478 10/10/04 08:26 PM
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Tmarie Offline OP
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Hi, I have been pagan for almost ten years now. Over the last four years I was practicing all the time, doing rituals weekly as well as the sabbats. Lately, since I have moved in with my boyfriend, I have found that it is difficult to stay interested and also to DO what I would normally do-he isn't keeping me from it, I think it is just not my space and my fire isn't as lit with intrigue. Is there anything to get my spark back-any literature or rituals? Thanks, merry meet!

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#150479 10/11/04 05:31 PM
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Tmarie,

I'm not sure I can make any outright suggestions for how to regain your interest, but I have some questions you might want to ask yourself.

Why do you think that where you live is "not my space" as you put it? Have you done any rituals to ground yourself in the new space? Have you greeted the energies in the new house, or invited the usual energies you work with into the new home? Does your partner share in any of your pagan interests?

My personal practice has always shifted somewhat with each home I have lived in, and changes in intensity with different phases of my life. Be open to finding how your spiritual energies have changed now that you are living with someone else and let them share that with you.

#150480 10/14/04 09:37 PM
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Thank you for responding. Well, I feel like it isn't my space because it is his house, I haven't moved my things in yet (we are looking to move- and at that time, I will get my things.) So, my herbs are stuffed in a box, my cards are under his cabinet..get the picture? He is a buddhist, so I frequently do everything by myself. I am trying though and thanks to your suggestion, I will try to be more open about it. Thanks!

#150481 10/18/04 05:48 PM
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Tmarie,

I have some friends, a married couple, who practice paganism and Buddhism. You might try reading up a bit on Buddhist practices and finding some middle ground the two of you can share.

As for being in transition, try and celebrate that. Try some new things as opposed to the rituals you were used to. Make a tiny altar for yourself somewhere. It might help you to feel you have a bit of space for that energy again. I've taken a potted plant, added a little water dish, a few crystals and charms to be a makeshift altar when I couldn't have as large and elaborate a one as I wanted.

As Samhain approaches, think how this change will help you let go of things you don't need anymore and how it can help you bring more growth and love to your life. I just moved this spring and went through periods of feeling it as a loss and others where it was a fantastic new opportunity. Once I got through those changes, I was able to refresh my practices, keeping some elements from before, but my new life patterns brought some new energies too.

Blessed Be,

#150482 10/31/04 09:01 AM
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I am feeling the energy of Samhain more than ever. This has always been my favorite time of the year...I always feel the mysticism and power within. Thinking about letting go of the old is exactly what I needed to meditate. I can now feel the desire and fire lighting again within. Thank you. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

#150483 11/02/04 03:47 PM
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As someone who found herself in a similar situation where exploration and ritual was overtaken by more mundane events a very wise friend advised:

It's ok to miss an esbat or not mark a seasonal occasion. If it feels right to create ritual or a specific purpose requires magical assistance from the Goddess/God/Deity then you can. However if you feel that there is no time to dedicate for whatever reason that is ok too. Learning cannot be unlearnt and what is important that you know you can make the connection when you need it, for She is always there.


Bart: Mom, Lisa's put an evil witch's spell on me.
Lisa: Its called Wicca, and its empowering.

- Simpsons Oct 31st, 2004
#150484 12/24/04 02:42 PM
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I've been going through something similar due to our "houseguest." When hubby's best friend graduated chiropractic college, we offered to let him stay until he got on his feet. If I'd known he'd overstay his welcome for 18 months, I would have said NO. I'd planned to use our guest bedroom as my private space and he's been occupying it - we were only married for about 6 mos. when he came into the picture. And I've come to resent him so much that even when he does move out, I feel like I'll have to burn the room down to get rid of his energy......

For me, it helps to be able to go out and attend public rituals, which are now 75 miles away from me since I moved in with him. I realize that not everyone has access to those.

Remember that you can practice your spirituality without the formal altar, etc. - in fact, I feel like I look like a moron waving a wand around. If you don't have a problem zoning out in the car, you might set aside some time to listen to relaxing music and do a little devotion or meditation, with your eyes open, of course! You might also check into a good audiobook - Wayne Dyer's work is incredible and he has the most relaxing voice. He teaches magic but won't fess up to it <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

#150485 12/24/04 08:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Parthena:
[qb] I've been going through something similar due to our "houseguest." When hubby's best friend graduated chiropractic college, we offered to let him stay until he got on his feet. If I'd known he'd overstay his welcome for 18 months, I would have said NO. I'd planned to use our guest bedroom as my private space and he's been occupying it - we were only married for about 6 mos. when he came into the picture. And I've come to resent him so much that even when he does move out, I feel like I'll have to burn the room down to get rid of his energy......

For me, it helps to be able to go out and attend public rituals, which are now 75 miles away from me since I moved in with him. I realize that not everyone has access to those.

Remember that you can practice your spirituality without the formal altar, etc. - in fact, I feel like I look like a moron waving a wand around. If you don't have a problem zoning out in the car, you might set aside some time to listen to relaxing music and do a little devotion or meditation, with your eyes open, of course! You might also check into a good audiobook - Wayne Dyer's work is incredible and he has the most relaxing voice. He teaches magic but won't fess up to it <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> [/qb]
Two thoughts - your "houseguest" had NO way of knowing that the economic situation in this country (USA) would spiral out of control and throw so many on the edge down into poverty. It really IS bad out there - I can tell by my clients and I have watched as I have had to tighten my belt and re-prioritize. This is something that makes you realize that we ARE all connected and what affects one person affects another. You are unable to escape seeing the effects of corporate greed, war, and a devalued US dollar because it is sitting in your spare bedroom.

Now, that said, a suggestion (take or leave it) is that you begin affirming not only your abundance but the abundance of your entire household and everyone in it. You also can take charge and cleanse your entire household - tell hubby, houseguest, cat etc that they must leave for the day (at least 8 hours) one Saturday or Sunday, or another day good for you, and then you cleanse the house. Just go on a one-day cleaning tear. Make it clear to them that that is YOUR day in the house and they MUST be gone. LOL - you know, that tone of voice nad that piercing eye stare. Clean it from top to bottom - even if it means hiring a maid for a day. And especially the room the houseguest is in. Tell him clearly that all rooms are being cleaned. After you clean everything, smudge every corner of every room (you know, with dried sage). Do this every 4 weeks. You will be moving the energy around and moving out any stagnant energy your houseguest has as well as creating abundance in your household. YOur guest is highly unlikely to remain too long when he knows he must come back to a space with such different energy every month.

Are you also doing some rituals to create intentional romantic space and times for you and your husband in your house?

And he has a deadline, right?


Barrett
Bellaonline's Astrology Editor
#150486 12/30/04 04:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Astrology Editor:
Two thoughts - your "houseguest" had NO way of knowing that the economic situation in this country (USA) would spiral out of control and throw so many on the edge down into poverty. It really IS bad out there - I can tell by my clients and I have watched as I have had to tighten my belt and re-prioritize. This is something that makes you realize that we ARE all connected and what affects one person affects another. You are unable to escape seeing the effects of corporate greed, war, and a devalued US dollar because it is sitting in your spare bedroom.

Now, that said, a suggestion (take or leave it) is that you begin affirming not only your abundance but the abundance of your entire household and everyone in it. You also can take charge and cleanse your entire household - tell hubby, houseguest, cat etc that they must leave for the day (at least 8 hours) one Saturday or Sunday, or another day good for you, and then you cleanse the house. Just go on a one-day cleaning tear. Make it clear to them that that is YOUR day in the house and they MUST be gone. LOL - you know, that tone of voice nad that piercing eye stare. Clean it from top to bottom - even if it means hiring a maid for a day. And especially the room the houseguest is in. Tell him clearly that all rooms are being cleaned. After you clean everything, smudge every corner of every room (you know, with dried sage). Do this every 4 weeks. You will be moving the energy around and moving out any stagnant energy your houseguest has as well as creating abundance in your household. YOur guest is highly unlikely to remain too long when he knows he must come back to a space with such different energy every month.

Are you also doing some rituals to create intentional romantic space and times for you and your husband in your house?

And he has a deadline, right?
At first, I tried empathizing and, of course I sent prosperity energy his way because if he was successful, he was going to get out of my house, right? But the whole story is that he has plenty of patients (he sees over 40 per week) and bought a new computer that he didn't need when he doesn't even have a place to live. He refuses to accept insurance, which limits the number of patients he can take. He spends his day at the office playing online role playing games on the computer instead of actively building his practice. The truth is that he has no intention of finding his own place to live. As long as the door is open here, he is not going to make any effort whatsoever to support himself.

And no, he doesn't have a deadline. My hubby has a terminal illness and believes that he has to let people walk all over him - he feels that by helping people, he won't be a burden. He knows that I'm fed up and isn't budging. It has driven a major wedge between us because my feelings on this issue don't matter to him. I've seriously considered moving back to my own house, which I still own. He refused to move, I can't find work here and am commuting 75+ miles - one way.

Hubby's parents came for the holiday, and he said he'd cleaned his room before he went to stay with his parents, who only live 10 miles away, btw. Well, all he did was get his stuff out of there, and left me to change the sheets (which he hadn't changed in 3 months) and scrub the bathroom.

The only thing that's holding me back from leaving is hubby's illness. How can I walk out on someone who's dying?

When I met him, I thought that his illness would be the hardest thing to deal with, but it's the everyday hassles that are the real obstacles.

As for going on a cleaning spree - I had my second back surgery in October and both my energy and activity levels are at their bottom. Anything that involves bending or lifting even light weight is out of the question. Hubby has cystic fibrosis and is waiting for a lung transplant, so he honestly can't help. Smudging or burning incense is also out of the question. I can't even burn incense in another room with the door closed because even the hint of smoke in the air affects him.

I've avoided causing a scene because I don't want to upset hubby, but his leaving a mess like that when he knew we were getting company - not the first time - was the last straw. I haven't confronted him and the negative energy has built up to an explosion level. I've brought it up to hubby numerous times over the past year and the subject is pretty much off limits to him. Sometimes I'm afraid that the only way I'm going to get through to him is by packing MY bags.

I do appreciate your ideas and they would work if the situation hadn't gotten so far out of hand. I'm a Taurus and let things build up, even though I know better.

Have you any suggestions for cleansing without smoke? I do miss my sage and incense as they were a large part of solitary time for me. I have used them in the yard when the weather was good. Our yard is open and there's no privacy at all, so I do need to be watchful of the neighbors if I want to do any work outside.

#150487 01/03/05 12:27 AM
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*hugs*


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#150488 01/03/05 12:46 PM
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Parthena,

Wow.... that is one tough situation. Personally, I'd just flat out tell your lodger he has to go. He is not contributing to the situation and creating tension between you and your husband. That's as good a reason as you need.

As far as energy or space-cleansing techniques go, I was at a retreat, way up in the CA mountains. Due to fire danger, they could not burn anything, including incense or sage. The woman who did some body work on me used a sage-scented spray to clear the space. I don't know if you have access to essential oils, but some of that added to a spritz bottle of charged water would work.

You can charge water by putting it in a clear glass bowl in sunlight and adding a few crystals. Bless or energize it with your intentions too.

If you don't want to confront the houseguest, I'd suggest doing rituals that deal with asking the universe to find the right path for him. Some folks don't like to do "work" against a person, feeling it goes against the Wiccan Rede, but you might ask that he find the right space and strongly feel the need to move towards it. He sounds prosperous enough, but maybe you need to send him motivation.

I have friends who always bless their home for protection. They didn't want to put a warding or banishment on it, so they created a blessing whereby they ask that any people who come to the house who feel the need to agress against them or draw their energies away, naturally feel the need to leave of their own free will to go be happier elsewhere.

#150489 01/05/05 11:51 PM
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For clensing if you dont have any access to oils you can uses salt and charged water and if you have some sage to add into it that would be good too.

#150490 01/08/05 08:45 PM
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You could steep the sage in the charged water making a sort of tea.

I'm one of those bull headed Taureans too, I know precisely of the explosive level that you speak. Fortunately for me I get a quiet even tone to my voice when I'm that mad. From your posts I realize that you don't want to cause a scene but you probably SHOULD tell him that he is irritating you to no end.
This is one of those damned if you do damned if you don't situations. You need to let the 'roommate' know what he is doing to you and your husbands relationship - regardless of how it will make your husband feel. This is why, not letting the free loader know how you feel bout him will make your emotions fester, causing resentment not just for the friend but your husband as well. You may be keeping quiet out of love and respect for your husband, but at the cost of your own self respect and sanity.
I may be wrong but based on the fact that he's not too keen on compromising bout your living situation and locale this might not the best relationship in the world - no matter how much you love him and the life you had before the house guest arrived.
I do apologize if this upsets you, it's just my outsider observations.
But there are 2 things that go bad after bout 3 days, guests and fish, when in doubt throw it out.


Good Luck and much patience to you
Wendy


per aspera ad astra: Through rough ways to the stars...

#150491 01/11/05 02:55 PM
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Rae, Fiona, Wendy - thank you all so much. I'm still working on changing my attitude and feelings. You know, if he hadn't bought a new computer when he doesn't have a place to live, that might have been easier!

Overe the past few days, I've realized that I am making a lot more allowances for my own clients - I have to if I want to work at all. This goes back to what Rae said about the economy. I did point out to him a few months ago that people are not going to pay for his services out of their own pockets if they have insurance, so I think he's re-thinking that one.

Sage tea is a great idea! I sure wish I could find a candle that smells like sage or Nag Champa - for real. I miss my incense and smudging so much.

I have also re-considered Rae's idea about the cleaning. I went in there yesterday and I think if I just moved a few things around every few days that would change his comfort level. For instance, we put our old entertainment center in there when we got a new one, and my tv, vcr and stereo are in there. They were not put in there to make him feel at home! They were put in there for storage and because I wanted that room to do my yoga workouts when I was able so hubs could watch tv. I have made it a point several times to unplug them when he used them, so I think he got the idea.

I may even start working out in there when I feel I've cleansed it enough.

Big hugs to all of you for the ideas and for validating my feelings. It's really hard to confront someone with a terminal illness, even when there are some things that have nothing to do with it! The hardest part about the relationship is the everyday little boogers, just like any other marriage!

#150492 01/12/05 11:03 AM
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I think that Yankee Candle makes a sage scented one, it might be mixed with something else tho, or I could be completely mistaken.
Good luck and blessed be.


per aspera ad astra: Through rough ways to the stars...

#150493 01/12/05 11:44 AM
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I have seen Nag Champa candles somewhere too... I will have to keep an eye out!

#150494 01/13/05 02:44 AM
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Thanks! I make soap but not candles. One of my suppliers sells a good Nag fragrance but I'm out of it. I may have to try putting it in a diffuser. Thankfully, smoke bothers him but fragrance doesn't as long as it's not too heavy. He loves my sandalwood soap!

#150495 01/15/05 02:55 PM
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I just wanted to thank you all again - especially you, Rae. Even though I can't do a lot of heavy housework, your idea about cleansing and changing energy was a great one.

What I've started to do is to let him know in subtle ways that this is not really his home and that the room is temporarily his - this is MY house.

The closet in there is really tiny and a friend gave me a nice portable closet. We set that up a while ago. This week, I started using it for what I had intended - hanging my long dresses and nicer clothes so that they don't get mooshed in the closet. Since this is out in the open, he has to look at it.

There's also a dresser in there that I brought with me - again, intended for my clothes. But since he's been here and I have boundaries, I hesitated to go in there and ended up overflowing the drawers in hubby's dresser. No more. With the last load of laundry, my sweaters went back where they belong.

And it seems to be working! - he's coming back here really late and leaving on weekends! My next step is to start using the room for meditation and yoga when he's not here.

I'm also joining a class with my group in Tulsa. I got so tired of driving that I dropped out of activities for a while. Going off on my own with other pagans is an important part of keeping my own space, so I'm excited about picking that back up.

Blessed Be, everyone <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

#150496 01/15/05 03:57 PM
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Parthena,

I find it's amazing how doing just one thing can set off a chain reaction, and that it can be a chain reaction of healing. Just by bringing a tiny bit of focus and intention together with action, you sound like you've set things in motion to be much better for yourself.

I have been on a cleaning tear myself, going through boxes of items that have just been piled around since I moved last May. Really, if I just take one per weekend, and dig through it and get rid of stuff I don't need, I'll have increased square feet in no time. I've also been misting myself and my apt with lavendar water. It's a nice conditioner for my hair in the winter, and it really refreshes the place. And I make it myself so it's cheap too!

Build up that energy and really put it toward growth on Feb 2 when we have Imbolc.

#150497 01/18/05 05:54 PM
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Thats great Parthena! Sounds like you are making progress <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rae, we have been on a bit of a cleaning spree too! Decluttering the house, redoing closets, emptying boxes and donating stuff to Goodwill, etc.

It feels great! I love the misting with lavendar idea... I am thinking I may need to make up a lavender/sage mister for the house too! Charge it up on the upcoming full moon and it will be great to use around Imbolc too!

#150498 01/19/05 01:14 AM
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Yep, Rae - we even learn in social worker school that a change in one part of the system affects the entire system, lol. He even washed dishes tonight!

I'm visualizing the cleaning, lol, but it will get done when my body catches up to my mind. I did spend several hours cleaning my space at my son's house last week. I'll be staying there when he goes on bivouac with the Air National Guard next week. I'm keeping the house due to hubby's illness, so I'll have a place to live when the time comes. My son's in college, so it's been great for him as well.

I had to catch all my bills up (not a bad thing, but I'm broke) and I do need money for a bottle of lavender, especially since I want to make some soap and dream oil for an upcoming metaphysical fair. I've also been asked to teach a class on dream interpretation during the fair.

Imbolc is our anniversary, so it's even more special. We had a beautiful handfasting - 70 degrees at 5:00 p.m. in February! We had to have it at that time so that the matron of honor could be there!

I was telling friends last night that I really have created a perfect life and job for myself. Getting so sick was really a blessing since it forced me to re-evaluate and slow down. The only thing lacking is money. One of them said, "You're a witch. So fix it!"

LOL, I think I can do that!

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