BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Pagan How old is old enough to choose a religion?

Hi Rae,
I guess this question is directed towards you. Okay. My husband and i aren't any 'true' religion. My parents are baptist, his are catholic, we were married in a catholic church etc..My daughter is turning 11 this summer and is sooooo interested in paganism. I am a member of a book club and i let her choose books. she has a collection of books and sits in her bed at night and reads and reads. These books are things like 'witch encyclopedia' "field guide to demons and faeiries' and 'simple spells for sucess'. i'm not sure if she is just intrigued by the whole mystical aspect of all of this or really interested in it. She does spells from her simple spell book to release her worry, help her sleep etc. I have to get her different, specific colored candles, and she watches the moon phases, so she does these spells on the correct nights (waxing/waning moons). she has a garden of all different colored flowers for these too. My problem is this- how do i help her follow this? I don't want to 'force' her into any religion, but i dont want to not support her either. I have never made her go to any kind of church, so she knows this is an open forum for whatever she wants, but how old is old enough to choose a religion for yourself? We live only 30 minutes from Salem MA, should we plan a trip? She is very interested in the whole 'witch part' of this too, so that's why im not sure how serious she really is. For the last 2 years i have just been letting her do what research she wants, but i feel that as a parent i should support her quest. I'm kind of at a cross roads and not sure which way to steer her. My in laws think i'm awful for letting her even read such books, which adds to my dilemma. They are pretty closed minded catholics. My family is very open and think it's great that she is branching out and doing her own thing. What should i do? (if anything) and how do i help her learn? Thanks in advance. ~Allyson

I guess I'm the last person here to give advise on that. But a few comments if I may be so bold. Are you sure that your daughter knows what "religion" is? Are you sure that it is "religion" she is after and not the mystical aura that sorround the witchcraft? Does she need a religion? It is not something you choose like "OK, from now on I'll start believing in this high power and will act accordingly." (which is basically how religion survived - someone always was there to put that thing in you). If she, with no guidance comes to a conclusion that there is some belief inside her, then she'll choose it herself and she'll need no Bible, nor church nor anyone's advise on this, she'll just believe. I haven't for instance, I have found no proof, nor need, nor feeling like it to believe in God but still live what I consider a good life with no moral issues.

Allyson,

First of all, nearly all teenagers really want to explore things that seem mystical or magical at some point. After all, they can't control much of their world, and we all have points where we really wish our wishes could be made real.

A trip to Salem would be a good idea as they have some great historical resources and a museum. There is a difference between "witchcraft" as it was perceived historically and what modern practicioners are about. A lot of what was early science and natural healing was thought of as magic and it got a lot of learned people in trouble.

There are a LOT of groups that are providing classes and info geared for kids. I just spent a week at a pagan festival and got more info on some "camps" that are held for both adults and kids to learn more. I'm going to spend the next few weeks adding tons of info to the site on that stuff.

There is a woman named Silver Ravenwolf who wrote a book just for teens/young adults on the topic, but I can't remember the title. I think the name is something about riding a broomstick. Also, Scott Cunningham's WICCA FOR THE SOLITARY PRACTIONER is a good one for learning all about the different aspects and how spells are really about focusing your thoughts and intentions rather than just "wishing" for things to happen or change.

Have you read the books that your daughter is reading? That would help you talk with her and share her interest. My mom would always engage me about whatever new thing I was into as a teen, and now as an adult, I so appreciate it.

As far as the relatives go, my parents and I both chose to keep some of my interests more private with my own family as I was growing up in the interest of mutual comfort. I made it pretty clear by about age 14 that the religion that I was being raised with didn't feel right or that it was working for me. I know my grandparents thought I was pretty strange, but my parents used to remind them that I was a good student and person regardless of how I looked, what music I listened to, or what books I was reading.

- Rae

Great question Allyson.

I think this is a great question! And I agree with Rae. A lot of teenagers explore magic, in part because they are so helpless in their world (with parents,teachers and peers watching their every step) and the magic helps them feel like they have some control over things. The popularity of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings adds to this.

I'd read her books, talk with her about what interests her in these things, and take her to Salem to learn about the histories of these types of beliefs. She might move on to other beliefs as she ages and gets more control over her life, or she might retain her love for the 'magical edge' to help her deal with issues that seem tough to deal with.

I'm probably not a great source of advice here, but I'll give some. To Ride A Silver Broomstick by Silver Ravenwolf - great starter book. I use that book. The Craft by Dorothy Morrison - that's more of a workbook and it has guides to making wands, meditation, etc. AINTD has a good point so talking to your daughter about that might help her put things into perspective. Maybe start reading up on Paganism, so she can talk to someone about it. It's not fun starting something new, like I'm doing/did, like a new religion and not having many people to talk about it.

Also, you could help her in the garden and perhaps for her birthday, for a small present or just any old time, get her some herbs to plant in her garden and help her out.

To sum it all up: Try and be as involved with her as possible.

You also might check on local resources and groups in your area. The Witches' Voice (www.witchvox.com) is a great place to start. They have state-by-state listings of activities and groups. I would start by communicating by email with some of the groups, and if you feel comfortable with what you're finding, it might be worth a visit to one of the activities with your daughter.

I applaud you and your husband for supporting her in her search...with your religious backgrounds, I'm sure there's a little "catch" occasionally when you contemplate the whole pagan/witchcraft thing. Your daughter will love and respect you for it as she gets older, no matter which path she ultimately chooses.

WyndeChilde

Very good question. First, Like Katrinae asked, does your daughter really understand what religion is? and the religion of the Pagan? Also, Rae said some really good things. A good book for you and your daughter would be Scott cunningham's book, "Wicca, a guide for the solitary practitioner." Also, Join the Yahoo group, Spiral Scouts. This is aimed at young people and teens in paganism. Hopefully, there is a group where you live. I don't have any here <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

Both of my kids are teens (FUN!) and are questioning religion and the beliefs that go with them. I have told them that I will support their choice unless they chose a belief that relishes in animal and human sacrifies. I told them no innocent creature should be killed for a belief. My husband is Southern Baptist and I'm Eclectic Solitary. My son doesn't believe in anything right now. He's in the teen hate mode. My daughter in going into Goth.

Try to involve yourself and daughter into something that she's interested in. Maybe there is a CUUPS in your area that she can attend to. Also, like what Wyndechilde said, join Witchvox. It's a good place to go.

I know this is a late responce, but something that I felt the need to respond to. or in my case, babble about.

bright blessings!! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Allyson:

My mother aswell was open to any path I decided to take in life. When I choose to follow my great grandmother steps in being a solitary practioner my Mom was more than happy to help. Although my mom and my grandmother do not practice they both have played a large role in the avad teenager I am today. I believe that to give you daughter support in her journey is to give her the best present of all. Maybe paganism is something that the both of you can look furthur into and grow on a spititual level together. Both books Rae has suggested by Scott Cunningham and Silver RavenWolf are excellent, being a late teen myself I highly reccomend them to anyone seeking furthur knowledge. As for your in-laws that are discouraging any type of pagan path, not everyone will accept peoples choices in life, but each individual has freedom of choice and for you to accept your daughter whatever her path is amazing and if they cannot see this than there is not much more that you can do. I know this is easier said the presented to others but it is true. I wish you and your daughter much luck in the future and may your paths find you.

Namaste
Gaelan