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#147633 08/10/03 06:20 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,698
Zebra
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Zebra
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,698
Do you feel "wounded"? Broken? Like you�ve "fallen but you can�t get up"? In an astrological chart, Chiron is known as the Wounded Healer.

I've just posted an interview with Astrologer Barry Cowger about the meaning of Chiron, what it means in a person's chart, what the Chironic wound looks like in each of the 12 Houses, and more! http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art11945.asp

Let's discuss Chiron, where it is in your chart, healing, and whatever else is on your mind concerning feeling "wounded".

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Joined: Jan 2005
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Hi Janet.

Well okay. I don't know much about Chiron in this context, but I feel my life is out of control. I work for my fiance, who is a self-employed physician. He's lost his malpractice insurance due to a mistake by the insurance company (and I know that, I was there to see the whole thing first hand) and he has no complaints against him whatsoever. Now he can't get insurance from anywhere else because he doesn't have any insurance -- like having experience before you can get a job.

And we have only one other person working for us, part time. We can barely afford to pay her. I do not get a salary and neither does my fiance. Running a medical office is sooooo complicated!

We may have to move if he can't get insurance in this state. We've been here for 3 years and I'm thinking of this as my home. I'd rather be somewhere warmer, but there are lots of positives here (we're in North Dakota).

If we have to move from here I *really* want to move someplace warmer. My fiance spent 2 years in Georgia and says most of the warm-weather states are too conservative; we're Pagans. Not easy being Pagan and a professional! So right now we don't know if we're going to move or not, or where, or if he can ever get a job in this profession for that matter, and it's not our fault. I rather feel like "God is picking on us"!

I don't know how to handle having my life in continuous flux. Nothing seems to stand still. We have to work long hours and I really hate coming home and having to go to bed 10 minutes later.

We have 10 pets -- including the 2 goldfish -- and while that's not great for people who hardly have an income, we wound up with the pets and here they are. We had a better income when we first got here; rather long story. We have 5 house rabbits and 3 parakeets that I love very dearly. I don't want to lose them now that they're with me.

It's funny, isn't it, that a physician should be in this situation? As a healer, he's seemingly powerless to heal himself (and me). How does one deal with this? I feel so helpless.

I don't know if you were offering to be a therapist, Janet, but thanks for posting this question!


pete louis
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,698
Zebra
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Zebra
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,698
Hello Owllady,

Thank you for sharing your situation. I can certainly understand the feeling about "God picking on you"! I think most of us feel like that at one time or another when faced with difficult circumstances.

I'm getting an intuitive "hit" that the book How To Find Your Own North Star by Martha Beck may be helpful for you at this time. In this book, Martha talks about how difficulties are often messages letting us know just how far we've strayed from our "essential self". Here is a small quote from that book:

Quote:
The minute I made a decision contrary to my heart's desires--before I consciously realized that I'd done so--my body would set about disabling me. If I stopped what I was doing and replaced it with something that felt right to my essential sef, lo, verily, I was healed.
She talks about how our essential self will do whatever it takes to get us on the path we need to be. She writes:

Quote:
When you leave your true path and start heading away from your North Star, your essential self will use any or all of its skills and tools to stop you..."
She also talks about the social self vs. the essential self, which are often at war. Often criminals are caught because of their stupidity, which is often a result of the conflicted feelings they feel inside about doing what they're doing. I feel that our bodies/lives are the same way. We hate our job? We get sick. (Psychosomatic). Feeling drained or that you have to "drag" yourself somewhere? Your essential self knows when it's straying from it's North Star and will make itself "heavy".

We are always getting messages. The question is, are we listening? Or, are we afraid of the change that change brings? It could eventually get to a point where you have to pick your poison: the pain of living in the state you've been living in, or the pain of change and risking doing things differently to get a different result than you've been getting.

Life gives us no guarantees, and the "easy" way may not be where our North Star lies. For example, let's say the South isn't friendly to paganism. Well, are you doing rituals in your waiting room? If not, how will they know? I know hardly anyone that shares my path in my geographical area, but my path isn't dependent on what others are doing or not doing...just like yours. Perhaps there are pagans in the South. Maybe there isn't. Nothing is a guarantee.

But it seems to me, going by what you've said, that something has to change soon. You are at an emotional and financial breaking point, and this will no doubt affect other areas of your life if left unchecked.

Firstly, I'd recommend getting Beck's book. It contains exercises to help you discern what it is that you really want in life...where your North Star is located...your heart's desire. The information is invaluable and practical.

Secondly, ask yourself a few questions:

How do I feel about my work? How do I feel about my relationships?

You've already said that you'd like to live in a warmer climate, so that's one heart's desire that is clear. Good for you! Now let's work on getting clarity in the other areas that have a direct and immediate impact on your quality of life.

What gets me excited? What makes me happy? What would be an "ideal" situation? Get as wild as you can get with "what ifs". Is there anything you can do, no matter how small, to get your toward something that you are enthusiastic about?

Your fiance lost his insurance for a reason. There are no mistakes in life...only consequences. Since life has no gaurantees, you can't determine or control outcomes. But if you're experiencing outcomes that you don't like, then you can always make different/better choices.

Maybe...just maybe...he's not supposed to be a doctor. Maybe he's supposed to be doing something else. Or, maybe you guys are supposed to set up shop elsewhere. The point is, start asking the hard questions and don't think life will work out on its own. Yes, things do have a way of working out, but if we keep doing the same things (or nothing at all), we'll reap the same thing we always have. A problem cannot be solved at the level it was created.

This may involve paradigm shifts and throwing out beliefs that no longer serve you or your essential self. Change is usually never easy, because we cling onto our safety nets...which often includes are beliefs. And when I say beliefs, I'm talking about the assumptions we have that haven't been questioned in a long time. Things like "I'm successful if_____" or "I'll be happy when _______" or "I should do _____", etc. These beliefs are usually picked up as a child from church, school, family, friends, media, social contacts, etc.

I hope this helps, and feel free to post more if you'd like. My heart goes out to you, and please realize you're not being picked on, but rather, being nudged to your best life...the life you were intended to live.

Be well,


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