BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings What is the best age gap between siblings?

Give us your opinion! What's the best age gap between siblings?

My daughters have a 2 year gap between them - i think thats a good gap as it means when they are older they will be closer than if say they had a ten year gap!

I think a 1 - 5 year gap is the better gap between kids! IMO

Hayley x

My sister and I are 1 yr and 16 days apart. We lucked out because we are really close. It was like having a twin but also having separate friends and not feeling the need to compete as much. But I would imagine it was quite a handful for my parents though <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My brother and I are 4 1/2 years apart. We're close, but that gap is a little big, because we were always at different stages until recently. Also, brother/sister relationships are a bit different than same sex siblings. I wouldn't change it though!

Me and my sis are only a year and 9 days apart..so theres always a rush for gifts around then

My daughters are 3.5 yrs apart and it's working out really well. My older dd is really able to understand what has happened to her family.

I'm 23 years old and I am very close to all my brothers and they range between 39, 36, and 31. I'm more closer to the older two. Go figure.

I think it's interesting because some kids are affected differently by the age gap. I always thought 2 years was the perfect gap but now I don't know. It's also different if you're thinking about it from a parent's angle or a kid's angle! :-)

my mom wanted just four kids plus the American dream family... you got it two boys and two girls. my mom and dad just kept trying till a girl came out. lol I just got too dang luckyjavascript:void(0)
<img src="/images/graemlins/irish.gif" alt="" />

Hello,

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As a parent of young kids.. no way could I have handled my 24 hour colic daughter if my son was any younger.

3 years between them is perfect. He was ready to be independant and go to dad. He didn't need me as much anymore.

I miss that now though.

My first 2 were a year and 16 days apart and were pretty much like twins - they're adults now and very close.

My kids are 2 1/2 yrs apart. I think they are good together. He is old enough to play and teach her things.

There is a 9 yr and 7 yr gap between me and my sister and brother. It was hard growing up and being that young. My husband and his brother are 17 months apart. They played and did everything together. I was left out a lot. Now we are really close, but I missed out on a lot. By the time I was old enough to do things, no one was interested anymore. So hiding Easter eggs or Trick or Treating was more of a hassle than a fun event. That is why I try so hard to make everything special for my kids.

I am not sure what the best age gap is...but I am sure I am going to find that having 4 kids in 2 1/2 years is going to be tough. I always though 2 1/2 to 3 years was a good gap, as my sister is 3 1/2yrs older and brother is 3 1/2yrs younger, and we all get along, also have a sister 5yrs older than me, and we just started sharing common interests a few years ago

Still can't get over the two sets of twins in such a short period of time.

Is there an age gap that you think is not good? For me I thought 2 years & under wasn't good because the oldest wasn't ready to be independent yet... PS I'm the oldest of two (2 years apart)

Yeah I cant get over 2 sets of twins period. There isnt a history that we can figure out in our families. I must just be extra lucky.

I always felt 3 to 3 1/2 years was a great age gap. I guess with my kids being so close in age, I am going to have to make the best of the age gap that we have. I think however nature takes its course is what you have to deal with. We are not handed anything we cannot handle..right???

Im the 4th child in a set of 5. There also is 17 years between the oldest - who will be 40 jan 21, and the youngest - who will be 24 a week before her.
We all have severely different personalities, my sister was a freshman in college when I started 1st grade. Even now I'm not so close with my 3 older siblings. Granted we get along just fine, if an outsider were to threaten any of us 5 the other 4 would help handle it (be it boyfriends, legal, money whatever) Maybe it's just because I lack perspective or real life experience comapared to their respective ages of 40, 38 & 33 to my 26. It wasn't until my middle brother and ! both were in college and we had some common ground - probably because I grew up from being a dorky high school know it all. Im closest with my younger brother, there are 3 and 3/4 years between us. Of all my siblings, if I had to pick a roommate, it would be him. I will say tho, My nieces who are now 15 and 14, We can get together & have a great day like were all old friends. Not so easy with my sister or their father.

With large families age gaps tend to grow wider between oldest and youngest. For many who grew up in a large family or as an only child, this can influence how many children they choose to have.

If you were in a large family did you choose to have a large family or a small family?

If you were an only child did you choose to have a small family or a large family?

My father was an only child...while my mother was the youngest of 3.
Also, my brother is the only one of us to have children at this point in time, as far as I know none of us are too keen on running out and procreating in our present stages of life.

I grew up in a family of 4 and loved it, I always wanted 2-3 kids, but luck has it I will have 4 as well. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother...I will have 3 boys and 1 girl.

My sister has 2 sons and she wants at least 1 or 2 more. My brother talks about having 2-3...my oldest sister is okay with nieces and nephews.

My brother and I are nearly 4 years apart and my sister is 9.5 years younger than I am. We are all pretty close. My sister is still a teeneager and going through that mess but we are still really close and can talk about everything. I know it was torture for me when my brother was born because I really didnt understand what was going on. I have planned on about 6 years between my kids as I cant imagine having another one right now.

I think 2 years is nice and 2 children is nice. Get all the nappies over at once and enjoy their company.

We had this conversation at work and those that had kids close together said that was best. Others who had them further apart said that was best.

Guess we just make it all work <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I've seen families will all sorts of age gaps and they all work in their own ways. The further apart kids are, the more the sibling relationships a bit more mentoring. The closer together, parents tend to find at least their kids are more or less in the same phase.

Each sort of family has its stressors. Kids spaced close together bring with it the chaos you young kids; kids spaced further apart carry with it kids at different ages and stages.

We can't always plan when our kids will arrive, but one consideration is how long in a parent's life they are actively raising kids. Having kids close together gets them all to college around the same few years and parents move on to the next phase of life. Having them further apart stretches this out. Some parents find this wearing while others don't.

This is a long-winded way of saying what AM just said!

I think the best age gap depends on the personalities of the parents and the older children. If you have a needy 1 year old, chances are they will be needy for a longer period of time and maybe allowing them another year with just mom and no competition would enable them to handle getting a sibling.

If the child is emotionally independent at 1 chances are they will handle having a sibling right away better.

If a parent is coping with one but would become easily overwhelmed by two then waiting would make more sense.

If a parent is not coping well with a baby then waiting a few years until the first one is older is a great idea because then the second time round the parent will have a competent helper and be able to cope better.

I find now that my youngest is 4 that I don't want to have another baby. I know of others who waited until their child was older before they thought about it but then decided they didn't want to go through the baby stage again and never did have anymore.

God knows best though. My friend told me her brother & sister in law just had a baby 4 months ago. She was I think 46 years old and they had two kids already, 16 & 14. She was looking forward to travelling on business with her husband now that the girls were older but then she became pregnant. Here's the clincher, both parents had been fixed and the chances of her getting pregnant were 1 in a million.

my little brother and I are 15 months apart and we're best friends! We have the same friends and we even party together. Now that I'm in college he's lost with out me though <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> the problem is that we've been so depandant on eachother I'm having trouble making friends and being myself without him, and he's been moping aroung the house for a while because we don't see eachother(and its only been a week!)

I pray that my children will be like you and your brother. Although independence is a good thing. You both will find a life without the other but it's great that your friends.

Why do you think you are such great friends? Please share as I hope to instill this into my children.

I really don't know. We're very alike in our views of the world. We're both very responcible and we were allowed to make decisions for ourselves at a very young age. neither of us had rules, or cerfew or anything. Not that our parents didn't care i guess we did a good enough job making decisions for ourselves that they felt that they didn't need to interfear. when we were babies i was jelous of him b/c I had to learn to be a big sister at a little over a year old...so I stole his bottles, I'd have mine in one hand and his in the other. Not just bottles but any food(now we're both wrestlers and i can never make weight, and he's got very little fat on him, i guess he won in the long run)

I met a lady today that had 5 kids.... the oldest 20 and the youngest 12. 5 kids in 8 years ... Too chaotic for me!!!!

However I did want more siblings, preferrably sisters, Someone I'd really get a long with.. oh well it was not to be!!!

In my family i have 5 siblings. there is a 11,12,14, and two 16 year age gaps between me and my siblings. I'm the oldest at 17, the two youngest are 4 and 6 months old. i get along pretty well with them but I'm more of a 2nd care taker for my moms kids, which is fine. the next oldest will be starting school this year as I start my senior year of high school. I've bonded with them all pretty well, though the bond is kind of strange because I've helped take care of 3 of them since they were born seeing as my mom is a single parent. i think that its kind of too big of an age gap unless you also have other kids who are closer in age to the oldest. my view and experience on it, thought I'd post.

The more I read this thread the more I think there is no way to make a rule. If I have a needy child, six years apart sounds great. If I have a content one, why not give her company sooner. Also, it depends on how much help one has. Grandparents close by or other help makes it more possible to have children close together. If I am alone at home much of the week, a greater gap maybe better. So, it is all just another way to grow up.

I am the oldest of 5, but my family tree gets complicated. I am the only child of my mom and dad, and each of my parents had two children after me. So I have a brother who is almost exactly 3 years younger than I from my mom, and a sister who is a month younger than my brother from my dad. Then I have a sister who is 13 years younger than I from my mom, and a brother who is 13.5 years younger than I from my dad. Try explaining THAT one in school lol.

I think the 3 year age gap is just about perfect, both from a sibling and a parent point of view. Close enough to be friends, in the same school, etc, but far enough out that the older is probably potty trained, can eat on their own, play, etc.

My daughter is almost 4 years older than my son, we'll see how well it works, he is only 4 months old now. So far though, she is just old enough to want to be helpful and still be pretty independent. She can put her own movies on, get silverware, put things in the washer, etc...and still be young enough to want to do it, lol.

Dez

I would say that every kid having different personality traits that could be considered desireable or not desireable depending on how you look at it. Busy bossy 7 year old that drives mom crazy could be a great CEO some day and take his mom on vacations every year. I see it as similar for age gaps. There are advantages and disadvantages to every situation. Close gaps mean more stress for mom when they are tiny, maybe less stress later because they can be buddies and keep each other entertained. Bigger gaps may make it somewhat easier on parents, but their kids will have somewhat different relationships than if they were sharing a lot of experiences at similar ages.

My sister and I were 4 years apart, but 5 grades apart. I would have loved to have had more time in school with her, but we only got Kindergarten with 5th grade, senior year with 7th grade, and we completely missed college. However, we are at more similar places in life now as adults (not exactly, but we are both in our 30's now), so it is easy to relate to her, like it was when we both under age 12.

I'm the new editor, just getting started on the forum, so I am anxious to peruse some of the other responses. I'm curious!

Erika - Siblings Editor

My Dad has always said he had 2 "only children." My brother is nearly 7 years younger than me. My parents ended up with two kids who were different genders, far apart in age, and had totally different personalities.
(They were originally shooting for a 4 to 5 year age gap, but it just didn't work out that way.)

When he was a baby, I was able to help out a little with his care.
When he was a toddler, I was already old enough to babysit him him for short periods of time. (I became his unpaid primary non-school hours sitter by the time he was about 4 and hated it.)But that is just the early years downside.

Fast forward to the year he turned 11 and I turned 18. He was just getting close to old enough to talk to, to become friends with, and I was gone.

He's 19 now and we haven't lived in the same town since that time. I only see him a few times a year. He's old enough now that, even with such drastically different personalities, we might become friends. Instead, we communicate like acquaintances who share mutual old friends (our parents). He was too far behind me growing up and we never really got a chance to get to know each other.