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I have found an absolutely fabulous man (we're both divorced and over 35). We've been together for about 2 months now and are talking about getting engaged. All our friends think this is "too soon" and we should "go slow". I know they are afraid of me getting hurt, but when exactly is it no longer "too soon." A friend of mine says that the AVERAGE between meeting and engagement is TWO YEARS! Why do I think that number is waaaaaaaay too high???? Thoughts?

Marian

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I run other relationship sites and I have to say that most people in those first few months are still in the 'rush of new love' stage - seeing all the benefits of the relationship but not yet knowing each other well enough to know the faults. You're still in the 'impress each other' stage, as much as you might feel you are acting fully naturally.

It's only after a few months that you start to settle down and really just act fully naturally in each other's presences. It's only after maybe 4-6 months that you have been around each other enough that your 'fully natural' actions start to become normal - the grumpiness in the morning, the crankiness when the food is badly cooked, that sort of thing.

It's important to really know your partner's good AND bad sides and not be 'filling in the blanks' with positive assumptions. So while you may feel deeply in love after 2 months, that's pretty typical. See how you feel after 6 months, and that would be a point of view that would be more likely to be a long lasting one.


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Hi Marian,

I'm going to go the other direction and say "Go For It!" My husband and I have been together 26 years. We moved into the same apartment after dating one month!

Jean

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I hate to say this but I'm a sucker when it comes to LOVE, I say go and run with it! Make yourself happy, that is love...
:love:


Marisa78
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Well...here comes a REALLY bad example...

My current husband and I got our marriage license 8 days after my divorce was final.... and he's 11 years younger than I am... you shoukld have seen that girls face when she asked for our birthdays...it took her a minute to do the math. But as soon as she did we could hardly control our giggles at her expression. you know the one...trying to not appear shocked and trying to be professional... it was classic.

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My husband and I knew each other for less than 6 weeks before we decided to get married. We are celebrating our 7th anniversary in August, and are very happy together. :love: We both "acted ourselves" from the beginning. (Why in heaven's name put on a pretense? Then you have to keep up a charade! WYSIWYG)

I think relationships, maturity, etc. are a case by case thing. Just think of the people that have been together for decades and fight all the time and are basically miserable. <img src="/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Best wishes to you, Marian!

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Quote:
Originally posted by Marian - Bella Host:
[qb] I have found an absolutely fabulous man (we're both divorced and over 35). We've been together for about 2 months now and are talking about getting engaged. All our friends think this is "too soon" and we should "go slow". I know they are afraid of me getting hurt, but when exactly is it no longer "too soon." A friend of mine says that the AVERAGE between meeting and engagement is TWO YEARS! Why do I think that number is waaaaaaaay too high???? Thoughts?

Marian [/qb]


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Sorry... <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm a new member and didn't realize how to post. I met my current husband online and we chatted for several months before meeting. We moved in together after two dates, and he proposed a couple months later. We've been married almost 5 years, and I have never been happier. I say go for it. I'm glad I did!


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Since my (current) husband and I practically started living together after a month, were discussing engagement after 2 months, and were engaged after three months (married 11 months after we met) I'd have to say "Go For it!

We've been married almost 8 years.

[Then again, the fact that I said/thought "current" above should tell you something about the current tone of my marriage. But don't let that sway you...I was married a month shy of my 19th birthday and MATURITY is a big part of it. I was married before I knew who I was. Too bad that I figured that out right after I figured out that "who I am" isn't compatible with "who he is"...]

I say, if you are comfortable in your own skin, and you are both being very real with each other, than do it! Your age (not trying to make a big deal of it) is actually a bonus and also, the fact that you've been divorced (right?) also says that you know what makes a marriage work, or not work.

so relax, have faith, and jump!


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