I can't leave because we live on his disability check at the moment, and I haven't worked full-time for 3 years. Neither of us could afford our home alone, and I don't want to lose it.
This is a common occurrence it seems, especially among women. It's what known as the "Prostitute" Archetype. It's those areas of our life that we sell out for security. Actually, you can
leave. What you're saying is I'm not willing to pay the price to get out of this relationship.
. This is the kind of scenario that can stretch on for decades all for "the sake of the kids" or "I don't have a job" or "I'll lose my comfort."
I disagree with the notion that men need mothering. Well, I take that back. Mama's boys that are adolescents may be boys in an adult body--and look for Mommy in a wife. Someone to dump on while she's more than willing to wipe his butt afterward, so to speak.
But for relationships where it's mature adult relating to mature adult--it's a different story. If you think the relationship has a chance, go to a therapist. Ask your husband if he'll join you.
When he married you, he took on the responsibility of father, as well. So...when your son got sick, all he could do was grumble? And not support you and help? Is this a pattern? If he's as emotionally unvailable, avoidant, passive-aggressive and dictatorial as you say he is--what's the pay off for staying? Just to keep your house? Is temporary comfort really worth putting up with this kind of behavior? What about your son? What will he learn about how to treat women from this example? Just some questions to ponder.
IMHO, it's a tolerance of emotionally abusive behavior and/or negligence that often leads to a woman tolerating physical abuse--and the abuse of the child. I'm not saying you're experiencing this, of course. I'm just saying that some women get it in their head "Oh, the poor baby just needs some mothering". (?!) Or "He's a bad apple--but if I love him enough, I'll make him into sweet applesauce." In the meantime, the woman loses a couple of teeth and any shred of self-respect she may have had in the process.
Too often women seek empowerment through their spouse and their children, and lose self-esteem and self-respect in the process. What about you? Aren't you deserving of respect? Did you marry a child to be his Mother--or a man to be your equal who will love, cherish, and respect you?
Just some things to ponder. I wish you well.