Burt....I so appreciate your honesty and caring. It means a lot to me.

I am ok, really. Now and then the grief gets to me and I am lonely, I can't lie. I do miss the tactile intimacy. It can be just snuggling on the couch watching a movie. I enjoy the companionship and affection from a partner as well as the physical touch. I am lonely, plain and simple. I have had a partner in my life since I was 21, and I know no other way. I am the happiest with someone.

It does not mean that I do not feel peace. I do. If nothing else this grief has knocked me down to the bare bones where not much matters but survival and feeling peace. I am a quieter and calmer person.

The good news is that I know who I am. I am strong in my belief system and do not need or want someone else dragging me into any type of ritualistic behaviors. So you don't have to worry about me, Burt! And I know what I am made of. I do feel that I am good enough, more than good enough for any caring man. I am different, sure, but I know I am a caring, loyal, and loving person with many wonderful gifts. I have a lot to give the right person, and a man would be crazy to pass me by if he was looking for a good partner.

I know it will all happen when the time is right. In past relationships the next man always came when I needed him the most. I do believe that God and the Great Mother knew what I needed and when, and evidently right now is not the right time for me. It only makes me focus more on myself and what is within, and the healing that continues. I do deserve to be happy, and when the time is right a caring soul will be put in my path. I do have faith that this will happen, even if sometimes my needs become overwhelming and I become impatient. I won't just settle for anyone or anything just because I want to be physically touched.

I am tough even when I am weak.....

Love and service to others gives one's life purpose. I am currently helping my boyfriend's elderly parents with whatever they need. They have no other children and I have become their "adopted" daughter. God wants me to be here. Just as my sweetheart was placed into my life when I needed him the most, at a time when painful rejection almost did me in, I was placed in his life at just the right moment. He would need me shortly down the road, and now that he is gone I am here for his parents, whose world revolved around their always sickly son. If I was not here they would be in much worse shape than they are in now. I am meant to be here. There is a bigger plan.

With that in mind, I do believe better days are ahead. I have confidence in myself and in God's love for me, as well as a knowing that the Mother wants her children happy. I just need to keep the faith. Blessed Be.

Debbie Grejdus
Spirituality Site Editor
Spirituality Forum Moderator