Dr. Ilyssa, Yes, I have made significant progress with therapy and meds. This is a particularly dark day and the next two weeks look tough as well. My therapist is really good and has taken me from a person who considers suicide daily and cuts as needed under stress to someone who, mostly, is able to have a better tolerance when things go terribly wrong. It takes so many years to recover from abusive, whacked out childhoods, disfunctional marriages, and I'm wondering if we ever really recover fully. For the most part, my life is soooo much better and my new marriage is to a kind, loving, mature person. Every so often I get caught offguard and the old symptoms scare the bejesus out of me. I never want to end up in the psyche ward again, I never want to be clawing my way up the depression hole again, I don't want to lose my hard-fought for gains. So this day scares me. To hold on to a mind you can never really trust after you have lost it even once. Let alone a few times.