My husband and i found out we were pregnant on dec 18th 2010. It was the morning of our family christmas party and we were so excited to tell everyone. We have a 2 year old son so i had him tell everyone by saying "im gonna be a big brother" there was probably 40 of my family there; it was so exciting.
The 3 of us went for my 12 week checkup and the doctor found the heartbeat with the doppler right away and it was strong-about 180 bpm. I thought i was in the clear because your chance of miscarriage goes down to 5% after 12 weeks. I went back alone for my 16 week checkup on march 9th 2011 and the doctor couldnt find a heartbeat with the doppler. She took out the ultrasound and i saw my baby on the screen, with no movement, and no blinking dot for the heartbeat. I was devistated. My doctor hugged me and was so supportive. It was the worst day of my life. I called my husband right away and he came to the dr office. She explained to us that the baby died around 13 weeks, so had been lifeless for the past 3 weeks. I couldnt believe that it had been that long and i didnt know. I wasnt sick anymore but just thought that was because i was done with the first trimester, and other than that i had no bleeding and no pain. It was awful. I had a d&c the next day and we are having a chromosome test done that will tell us if anything went wrong genetically and what the sex was.
I am ready to name my baby and then put this behind us. I have been so depressed and i just want to get pregnant again so i can be happy again. I feel like this is the only way i will be truly happy again. My doctor said i should get my period 4 to 6 weeks after the procedure and can trying again after my 1st period. This has been the most devastating time of my life and i just want it to be over.
My son luckily is too young to be upset by this. I didnt tell him what happened, but he knew just by listening to my conversations. He will be 3 in may and is smart enough to know that something is wrong and that the baby is gone. before this happened he talked about it all the time, saying cute things like "baby want out", "baby in mama tummy", and telling us he was going to be a big brother. He would say he wanted to kiss the baby and would kiss my tummy, and when we would ask if it was a boy or girl he always said girl and i think he is right. after this happened the next day he said. Baby out of your tummy? i said yes and he said "get new baby." and kissed me. It amazed me that he knew and it helped to know that he was trying to comfort me because he knew my heart was broken. I love my angels, both of them.
To all the women that have lost a baby just know, that love begins before a baby is born, and that love will live forever in our hearts. RIP my precious baby, i love you more than you know.
