Wow, Rosie, (and anyone else interested) that would be great. I think i always thought being healthy would be "easy" ALWAYS. Now at 61 i see the path i'm on and i don't like it. My problem is that once i'm "off track" it is really, really hard for me to turn myself around. And what pisses me off is that i "know better." I know about the "disease of addiction" and see all the systems in myself. And, get this, i even co-lead a step study for food addicts! So what does all this say about my ability to really work steps 1-3!
A couple of months ago i broke my foot. I'm out of the cast and in a "walking boot" but it makes doing any kind of exercise really impossible at the moment. I have consulted with a personal trainer and have an appointment with her tomorrow. Thinking about that is what prompted me to say something about motivation (lack of). I get "gung ho" and then drop to the depths. I know i need to clean up my food issues and i'm hoping that approaching the issues from the exercise angle will help to get me (and keep me) on the right track. I think i slide back and forth between being "gung ho" and complete "collapse" around it all. And when i'm in "collapse" i get into the "poor me" syndrome and really feel like such a failure. Right now the best thing i can say is that i'm trying desperately to no withdraw and isolate. That's usually the outcome of my 'collapse." I guess all this means to me that i don't know how to ask for help. I don't know WHAT will help me get past this cycle i've been in for a year. I think i just need to keep "showing up" and trying to find my path to health. And, Rosie, here's the real burn: i AM diabetic, so i have urgency around getting out of this slump. Some years ago i heard someone in a meeting say she wished she had been diabetic so she'd take her food addiction seriously and i about fell off my chair. Having diabetes never stops me from my addiction when i'm in it. When i'm in "recovery" i am great at taking care of myself but no amount of "cognitive understanding" ever helps me get past my disease.
Rosie, do you know i could help you? Or, really, WHAT would help you? What do you know about yourself and this whole issue.
BTW, thanks for writing and suggesting we keep up to see if we can help each other.
pat
